Romance vs. Realism

[jujigatame]

Just my thoughts on the subject...

 

I don't like thinking that the real world could ever interfere with my romantic life. Wouldn't it be great if everything worked out the first time? If there were no broken hearts? But it's foolish to think that I'll never get dumped, or have to dump someone, or enter a relationship I find out (too much) later is empty and is headed nowhere. It's happened to me. I've cried for days, dealt with the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness attached to the realization that a relationship had no chance to survive. But I also believe (as a result of what life has taught me) that every rejection and bad experience makes you stronger, and teaches you a lesson that you can bring into your next relationship to make it that much richer. That's what I think of as realism as it pertains to the world of love.

 

I notice that a lot of people on this board are incredibly optimistic and, in my humble opinion, sometimes overly supportive of actions and practices I wouldn't personally advise. I agree that everyone must follow their own path, but sometimes I think someone comes here with a problem that has a poor chance of working out, and other people buoy the advice-seeker with false hope. Maybe it's just the way I am, but I'd rather be given the bad news than be strung along.

 

I know this post sounds kind of like a personal jab to all the romantics and optimists out there, but it's really not. Personally, I value optimism and think that it's just what a lot of advice-seekers really _need_. But I also think a more grounded, realistic perspective is important. I want to see what everyone else thinks of this issue:

 

When is it appropriate to give bad news, and when is it appropriate to give hope for a situation you know may turn out badly?

 

Do you think that varied opinions add to the effectiveness of these forums in accomplishing their mission of helping people with their problems?

 

Do you think that it's appropriate to give out your own opinions on certain issues? For example, top on my list of doomed romantic endeavors is the long-distance relationship. Should I say this to someone who fears that his or her LDR is failing? Or should I keep my mouth shut and leave it to the optimists to try and encourage them to persist at something I would strongly advise against?

 

Thanks for reading this, everyone. It'll be interesting to see what you all respond with.

 

Peace!

[bleeder]

Hi Jujigatame,

 

Good thread!

 

I agree with what you have mentioned. It is best for one to post his advice as much as the situation would allow. No use in dishing out advice coated with sugar and spice, only to cause the poor person to end up with despair and a sense of false hope.

 

I give out advice here base on my own yardstick on how relationships should or shouldn't be. Some might agree, some might not. That's why it is best to have a forum like this, where one can obtain not just one, but varied views given from different angles.

 

 

[cookies]

same here...im not wth giving ppl false hopes,...i try to share insights if i have experienced simialar situations...to give them an idea of how it could turn out...

 

Things dont always turn out the way we want to, and we need to prepare ourselves with the truth cushioning us as we may tend to fall...

 

cookies

[Gilgamesh]

Yes, very good post.

 

Most of the people that ask for help on these forums are the ones that have been victims of unfair treatment. some others though are the cause of their own problems and they are also suffering. if they were good buddies from down the street, id pop em behind the head and say, hey wake up, your the one that f**ked up. the difference is, my friends trust me and know me. but those that that come to this site dont.

 

So its tricky trying to help those that are victims of their own actions.

 

All my life I have always had a good sense of justice and am very open, and if given the correct information can make pretty good judgements in solving the situation.

[sergio]

Realism , always! better being blunt in advice. Lets leave the romance to the novels, and tv. If i need sound advice i prefer if ppl told me what they really thought of the matter rather than loads of bullshit, sugary coatings and conflicting philosophical theories. this applies especially to love. life, (especially love issues) is usually not as complex as we make it, we try to make it complex just to be able to accept things better, so an honest black on white opinion which avoids subsidiary issues and hits the nail on the head is always appreciated.