PRIORITIES and IGNORANCE

[tears_fall_invisibly]

hey.

i dont want people round here to take this the wrong way its only aimed at people whos in my social group, just like some advice.

 

right frankly i feel that a person should have priorities as to where people stand in their lives, in the sense that, maybe a boyfriend could stand a side one time so that friends could go out, i mean its alright for the entire to be together only some peoploe exclude themselves when with a partner and makes others feel awkward.

 

anyhow i have a social group at the minute where my mate has gone out with this guy through spite when he has liked her for a very long time period, she competes twenty four seven by doing different sexual things with him and i think that this is awful because what she feels for him is mediocre to what he feels for her yet with this infactuation he doesnt see through the pain.

 

its odd though because to say she was such an empowering person before she brings the group down now, she makes others feel unwelcome and never spends time with the right people at the right time, i know you shoudlnt put a date and timt to things but theres moments where you need friends to be around you and its obvious, can you see what im saying?

 

so i guess my point is that this friend really does affect the friendships of others, she no longer that person you want to be around but more so someone you would avoid,she is now very stereotypical yet predictable at the same time.

she seems to be very homophobic and this was never her, and a guy mate of mine seems very much under pressure by constant comments she makes.

 

she has always said and commented on what she hatres but how do you tell this person that they are what they once hated?

 

i could really do with some help on this one, its come to the point where people avoid being with her because shes pushed them away and now they retaliate, we know who she was, should we accept what she has become, the ignorance she has in her?

 

thanks for the help guys,

 

tears_fall_invisibly

[neva_black_n_white]

hey tears_fall_invisibly

 

i know the feeling, i guess the thing is with friends that sometimes they take you for granted, and even though they do have priorities and friendships may have been in the top group ots likely that they have forgotten them, i know how it feels some times to be on the recieving end of this, so hopefully i can help you out.

 

with the whole boyfriend and no going into the group or more so picking the times, i would say let them off a few times regarding bring them because it might actually be easier that way than them assuming you dont like this guy or evn girl but the thing they need to realise is that like you would be there for them they need to sometimes support you, this doesnt mean that your seeking attention because its something that you would gain mainly through reflex but to need someone there at the moment then they realise that as a true friend.

 

i think that you should also be able to talk to this particular girl, if she avoids the conversation or argues then maybe she really has forgotten about the way you feel, she should be able to see what you view, dont make it an argument but more a matter of venting with not too much anger, expressing how you feel and not lying about the way you feel, this way they cant blame you for ever saying that you didnt comment.

 

i know its odd how people come running back but it seems like your armns will always be open mainly because you did know who she was, i know this seems odd, and its likely youve tried to accept what she has become, but maybe you should talk to her baout this and the fact that you see such a difference and they way she stereotypes or treats this male friend.

 

as long as you dont make it look like a group is gangin up on her then maybe all of you expressing your feelings could be a good idea, what do you think?

 

hope this helps, any questions you have i will try and help, like i said ive been there!

 

kel

[sphinx999]

I can see your point of view but there is no way of telling what some one else feels for a guyonly they can see that far into themselves. Everyone messes up their priorities sometimes, we are all human after all. My advice is that you have a quiet word with her about her actions. Tell her how she is making this lad feel and explain it is not acceptable. But you should accept that sometimes friendships naturally end and it is best to just let go. Try to be gentle with her because she sounds awfully confused.

[neva_black_n_white]

i think hat was some good advice, but how do you know when one of them wants to let go and if it was the right thing to do? just curious.

 

kel

[tears_fall_invisibly]

thanks you guys, i read the advice as soon as you posted but forgot to respond, but i guess its better because the good news is that i have worked things out and i really appreicate the help from you guys, thankyou.

 

tears_fall_invisibly