I really need some advice on this please

[ang3l2004]

Ok,Me and my ex broke up we were together 2 years we had been through some rough times with my insecurity and everything else well just the other day he told me that he thinks its best we break up he needed space and that it had nothing to do with me and that i am the perfect person for him but he just felt he wasnt free to do what he wanted and that he didnt want to act or be in a relationship he told me he doesnt want to get over me but that the way we were going now it wouldnt work so he told me that he only wants to talk to me 2-3 times a week and doesnt want questioned and wants to live his life he is 24 and im 20 he told me that he thinks that we should remain friends and that he wants a future with me and he told me that the more we have a present the less we have a future he told me to look at this as a clean start and a new beginning he said he is afraid of losing me for good and that he does love me he says this is the best beginning we can have,im so afraid because i love him and this is a big step and i just dont know if we are making a mistake can remaining friends mean that it can work and can remaining friends somehow make him see he does love and want to be with me i asked him so basically u have closed the chapter of our book he sais no our book is an neverending story and the outcome will be beautiful he keeps telling me he wants to have a future with me a fresh relationship with you and me (when we are ready to say lets work towards getting married)I dont want to lose him forever i dont want to not have a future with him can someone please read all this and give me there input and advice pleaseeeeeee

[sweetie_33]

hi...i think if u really love each other that much...he shouldnt then think of losing u and doing what he did...i think u guys should've stayed together so u would share ur problems and u would try helping him with urs....

try talking to him again and if u want to get back with him just go on and tell him u have nothin to lose...tell him that i really want u with me ...not only as a friend but more then that n also tell him that he's not gonna lose u and that u will always be there for him....i think thats what u should do....so talk to him for one last time....

 

good luck!

[ang3l2004]

the thing is he doesnt want nothing more then a friendship with me right now he made that clear but he does want a new beginning which could take some time i just dont know what to do i just need some advice on ppl mabe that have been through the same thing or who knows we just broke up yesterday but we have talked on comp since then and im trying to be nice and not talk about it and be there but its so hard

[DragonGirl724]

i think you have nothing to worry about. my ex broke up with me after telling me how perfect i am for him & how he wants to marry me & how much he cares about me but he wants time to do what he wants to do. for example start playing football again for his university & work on his cars w/ his boys etc. but thing is your ex is still wanting to keep in touch, thats a great thing! i do believe he is scared of losing you but he NEEDS this time alone to get out of the way all the immature crap he needs or wants to take care of w/o hurting you or losing you in the process. its a maturing stage from boy to man & i think hes going about this in a mature manner & he is totally taking into consideration your feelings. i wish my ex handled our breakup this way. im doin the no contact thing and to be honest it seems that i see more hope in your relationship working out in the longrun than my own. i think if i were my ex i would have handled this situation the way your ex is handling it. i dont think you have anythng to worry about. sure youre lonely but if u have friends around go out show him youre gonna use this time too to have fun as well. it sems to me this is more of a break than a breakup. im sure everything will work out so that u2 are together in the long run. he continues to tell u youre the one for him so thats good. i asked my ex if he & i can have a future & he says "he doesnt know & ill probably find someone better anyway" which is crap to me! so be happy things are as good as they can get right now & use this time for yourself goodluck

 

-jen

[ang3l2004]

thankyou,i understand this is good and that we can still talk but the thing that is scaring me is that he is doing it this way just so mabe i can be the one to say im done or on the other hand doin this to get over me which freaks me out cause thats not really what i want at all i want him to be happy but i also want a future with him so im so confused do u think that i should cut contact with him completely or just hang in there and things might work i dont know really what to do i never been through this b4 and it does hurt

[DragonGirl724]

hmmm thats a tough scenario. i dont know what to tell u i had the same contimplations. i figured well if i do this friend thing maybe hell jus get comfortable w/ being friends & i am wanting more and then again maybe me being in his life on an almost regular basis will do more good than bad. and if i stay 'friends' w/ him does he deserve to 'have his cake & eat it too??' should he deserve the best of both worlds and get exactly what he wants right now, friends w/ me while hes going thru this immature single stage.....sheesh, it seems to me that were both thinking too much. i know its stuff that just boggles our minds on a daily basis but do u think theyre thyinkin this hard? i doubt it. it so difficult. i tried asking david in order to solve this problem myself. i asked him: "ok i dont want to pressure u & i hope u dont take it that way but what do u think i have to do to have the biggest chance of you returning to me? you know your feelings better than i do at this point. so do you feel like we shouldnt talk so you can go thru a stage where u maybe miss me? or what...?" and he said: "jen you cant ask me that b/c i have no answer for you." and he goes on by sayin how im too good of a person to dwell on him etc etc... so i never got straight answer. i wish i knew what to tell you. i dont know much but i know this sucks!! you could try askin your ex what the deal is...but im just as clueless as you are....wish i could help more.

 

sincerely,

-dazed & confused

[ang3l2004]

I know what you mean and this is so hard for me well i need some more advice and help if anyone out there has time to reply and has more advice or there opinion or aspects im so afraid going from relationship to the next day we are friends his mom told me the only chance for me to have is to try this out or if not he wont want to talk to me she said when we talk act happy like everything is ok act ok she said make it brief say hi how are u i have been doing blah blah and she could mabe see him turning around but she said it could be i might get stronger and be the one to tell him we are not going to ever work i dont want that i dont want to doi that even i do get better i know me and i know that the chance of us not having a future terrifies and hurts me and i know no matter what im going to be hurt i dont want to lose him for good i want this friendship that we are starting to help start us over so we can get backtogether and be happy that is what i want he told me he is handling things on his end and is going to live his life and thats what i need to do he told me but he also told me to get it through my head that we are not done completley can this whole friendship turn into a way to gettting back together

[DragonGirl724]

if he told u that u2 are gonna work out then all u can do is go with it..sometimes girls over-analyze things i think you have a better chance if you stop worrying so much. he obviously wants this to work but he needs time to do his own thing. its a normal feeling & hes going about in a way that i wish my ex handled it. if i were you id consider myself lucky. b/c if u2 got married & he wanted time apart to do his own thing ud be a mess & hed be upset b/c he would know he cant jus pick up & do this when u are married. be GRATEFUL hes getting it out of his way NOW! i think ull be fine just stop worrying. youll get back together hes promising you that. so enjoy the free time u have now by pickin up a new hobby, go to the gym, learn an instrument or spark a new interest in art or something learn a new language i dont know lol he loves u for who u are & hed be even more impressed that u spent this time not dwelling on him but improving whats already in his mind as the perfect girl. its smooth sailing hun trust me! wipe the sweat off your forehead theres nothing to worry about.

 

-DG724

[ang3l2004]

yeah but could it be that he is just doing this to let me down easy so that i get over him could that be it i understand what your saying but in the process i dont want to lose him so i am worried

[DragonGirl724]

NO! lol stop thinking, if he doesnt have a history of lying what are stressing??? when u think too much u create more and more obscure thoughts & youre going to cause insecurities & problems. this break will make your relationship healthier & he will resent you if u dont respect that he needs time alone & is trying to make u understand that hes coming back. he probably just wants to chill w/ his boys. but then again u know him better than i of course do. lol but as a 3rd person lookin at the situation i think its healthy thing to do.

[ang3l2004]

hey jenn well one thing thankyou for all your help well even though i still feel im acting all crazy about this lol but u were born in the same week as me and we are the same age lol so u probably been through this so then what if i do what u have said i should do and that is not worry and in the end he completley cuts contact then what because my love for him is deep

[DragonGirl724]

i really really hope it works out b/c i seriously think its an innocent break, i hope for ur sake it is. but like i said u know him better than i do but my ex is doin the same thing to me right now but i actually see how ur ex is handling it and it seems to me that u have a better chance of workin out than i do actually....wishing you all the best keep me posted. keep your convos cool & calm & youll see hell fall back in love with you if u stay the cool girl u were wen u were 2gether. ppl tend to want what they dont have so ull see hell maybe even come around faster than the both of u planned. goodluck hun!

 

-Jen

[matt11b5]

He's holding on to you in case he doesnt find anything better. The guy is a jerk if you ask me and hes scared to death. Your allowing him to maintain total control over you and take advantage of you. What your basically doing is making everything easier on him while its getting harder for you because your waiting for a good chapter in this wonderful book to begin. Odds are the outcome of this is, he's going meet another girl and stop talking to you and your going to be hurt even worse than you are now, and if he doesnt find better he knows he can settle for you. You dont deserve that and dont let him control you. The next time he calls you need to tell him your true feelings for him and that you dont want to talk to him anymore. And the next thing you need to do is hold true to your word and dont talk or see him anymore. Then you need to go out and have the time of your life because your young and your single and theres guys out there that are waiting to meet a girl like you. I know this is all hard but trust me it will work. The no contact may help him realise what he had and either send him running back to you or away from you. Dont hope for anything. Just let time decide. You will be just fine. Stay strong.

 

Matt

[ang3l2004]

How is he scared?I mean I dont get that but thankyou so much for replying i really needed a guy to put there advice out there for me I understand what u are trying to stay i talk to him friday on the comp and he has not yet contacted me but it is the weekend he said he is going to contact me 2-3 times a week and he hasnt yet called me the new beginning could be from space and mabe true but im so confused im trying to not be upset but its hard we went from breaking up to "acting as friends"no i love you nothing just simple convo on comp in one day and im not sure how im taking this he told me that he is doing his part by living his life he told me that the way to look at this is a new beginning he said what makes u think i want to be with someone else when i dont want to be with the one i love which is the space he needs he has not called me yet so now im getting a little worried and afraid and im the one that is scared i dont know how he is he is probably having a great time ya know i just wonder if he is thinking of me at all we went from calling eachother everyday talking i love you and i miss you and hi hunny to boom talking as friends and he said this is the only thing we can do that is best for our future together im so confused and hurt thankyou mattt for your info will you please reply thanks

[ang3l2004]

Now im a bit confused He told me after we broke up that he wanted to stay friends and about starting over and all that well since we broke up which was last tuesday we have talked on the phone when icalled his mom since then he did not call me so i called him lastnight i was happy on the phone told him i went shopping and blah blah well he said he was goingto call me 2-3 times a week but has not initiated any phone calls.....we talked just as we were friends nothing more but we just broke up last week im really confused now when we talked i was the first to say i was calling to say hi but im going to get off here he said are u going to get on the comp tomorrow basically to talk to him and i said if u want me to then yes if not no and he told me to shutup as in i guess he meant that was a stupid ? well im cofused by me acting happy and all that with him wont that make him be like she is really ok and not care by me doing this is so hard what should i do next???????