roxy79 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 My BF of almost 9 months broke up with me this AM. We have had a rough month because he is a firefighter and he was sent away for 2 weeks to fight a fire, came home for only a few days, and left for a week long fishing trip. He got back yesterday... didn't say he was back until I sent him a message asking. Back to the break up... he said he is unhappy (that is the first I've ever heard of it) and that he doesn't want to be in a relationship cause he has too much on his plate. But I know that that is just an excuse... if something is worth keeping, it doesn't matter how much you have going on. I feel like he just decided on a whim to do this, didn't think it over. He had to work after he got off the phone with me this AM and he told me he had already boxed up my things and that he'd call me to let me know if I could come by tonight or tomorrow to get my stuff. I asked to him to please think about this today... if he really wants to throw away something that was so good over a stressful month in both of our lives. He said "yah, I'll think about it." but I'm assuming he was being sarcastic. Any thoughts? What do I do? I told him everything and how I felt and that I didn't want things to end, that I wanted to make it work. I'm just so heart broken right now.... I dont know what to think. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 sorry to hear about the break up...I remember your other thread regarding the tension. Could it be possible there is someone else? I'm sure you would hate to think that but..him having your stuff boxed up already? geesh. He seems so abrupt about it.... do you live together? Link to comment
roxy79 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 I had wondered if there was someone else, but I honestly dont think he had the time to cheat on me. unless he's just recently met someone and this is his easy way out of the situation. We weren't living together, that was suppose to happen in January. Next week is my 30th bday and he and I were suppose to go on a vacation together and I was totally looking forward to it so that he and I could spend some much needed time together. but obviously that won't be happen. Don't know if he did this on purpose to get out of the vacation and having to celebreate my bday. I'm just so upset and not sure if he really means it. Maybe I'm just in denial but I'd hate to think he'd throw it all away without trying. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Something else is definitely going on. For whatever reason he doesn't want to tell you. So just take it for face value and disappear. Keep thinking how a man you've gave 9 months of your life to, is willing to walk away from you, a week before your birthday AND celebration plans....what a wuss. Link to comment
legallady1 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 im sorry you have to go through this but I think the best thing you need to do is walk away from this relationship, go NC, and be happy you only wasted 9 months with someone who could be so thoughtless to your feelings. Link to comment
roxy79 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 i just betrayed cause I gave him my heart and more, embarassed that I couldn't keep his attention, and ashamed that I couldn't make it work. I dont' know what he thinks is so awful about us all of a sudden and am unclear as to why he is so unhappy all of a sudden. I dont know if he's just being irrashionale and at the end of the day, once he gets off work, he'll want to talk somemore to figure this out. Or if he's just totally done and over it. How do you go from being in love, to ending it so quickly, without wanting to fix it? or at least try? Link to comment
Theblueman123 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 He was probably thinking about leaving you for a while, he just never told you. It's not like he woke up one day and said "I'm finished", it was probably a very planned out event. There is though a VERY strong possibility that there is something else going on, but you're going to have the face the fact that you may never find out what it is. For now though, just let him go. If you want him to come back, let him come to you, and on your terms only. But for now, be happy that he's gone. What if you were married to someone like that--who didn't tell you how they were feeling and one day decided to up and leave? Link to comment
roxy79 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 he's suppose to call me tonight to have me come get my things either tonight or tomorrow morning. How do I do this without crying, without looking like a fool, with out showing that I care? I'm hurt and devistated. But I want to be strong. Link to comment
roxy79 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 Does anyone think that maybe he had enough time to think about "us" throughout the day since we talked about a lot of stuff this AM, do you think he maybe will reconsider and will want to at least "try" to work this out? I just hate to think that he is just so ready to pack up and move on.... Link to comment
roxy79 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 He never called last night for me to come get my things. When we talked on the phone yesterday he said he'd call me at some point last night to let me know if I could come by last night (if he made it home), if not, then it would be early this Saturday morning. I still have not heard from him and it is now 8:30. Do you think that he's changed his mind and he really doesn't want me to get my stuff? Or that he's out doing other things and doesn't really care if my stuff sits in a box and it's not a big deal to him? I had told him I wanted to get my stuff by the end of yesterday cause I wanted to move on with my life, I didn't want to drag this on any longer than necessary. What do you think? Also, I have somewhere to be by 9:30 and won't be home till late afternoon. What do I do if he calls? Say that I can't at the moment, and that if possible, I will have to come by later this afternoon or night? If not, I won't be able tog et my things until Thursday of next week, which is awful, cause my birthday is Wednesday. I really want to be washed of him... wanted to start today nice and strong, but the fact that I still have to see him one more time isn't allowing me to move on just yet. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 He was probably thinking about leaving you for a while, he just never told you. It's not like he woke up one day and said "I'm finished", it was probably a very planned out event. There is though a VERY strong possibility that there is something else going on, but you're going to have the face the fact that you may never find out what it is. Unforunately, I would have to agree with this. From your previous thread, two ideas really stuck out for me. One, I thought you gave him too much - did too much for him. I know that you meant to be nice, but it seemed overwhelming and as if it came with strings attached (expectations from you for thank yous etc). Essentially, it sounded like you were a bit clingy (not in terms of contacting him but in terms of needs for him to give you what he received from you). The second was the fact that he went fishing after he returned from the fire fighting. I thought that was very unusual and it seemed like a clear statement on his part that he needed space from you. I wouldn't be surprised if he's been unhappy for a while and I think some of it may have to do with feeling a bit pushed and smothered by you. Just some ideas to think about. Link to comment
roxy79 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 The fishing trip had been scheduled a year ago... $2000 trip with his fire squad, so in my defense he didn't just take off to avoid me, he's had this trip planned for a long while. Nothing I did was out of the ordinary... having a gift basket when he returned from fighting a fire isn't smothering, nor did I attempt to take up all of his time. That wasn't his reasons for breaking up. He said he did appreciate all that I did, he just said he has too much on his plate with going back to school, teaching himself, taking care of a 15 yr old son, and working his normal shift. He said he just bit off more than he can chew and all the other things are his priorities and he doesn't have time for a relationship. Fine. great excuse. The guy sent me a text message this morning letting me know he put all of my things in trashbags and they are sitting on the driveway. Who does that? What a horrible and awful thing to do to someone. I'm not a monster nor did I do anything to ever hurt him so why he is litterally "throwing" everything in trashbags is so hurtful. Why would he do that? And when I say everything, I mean everything. There is not ONE Piece of evidence at that house that I ever existed. He gave back every picture, every gift I gave him, EVERYTHING. That's why I'm so crushed right now. Why would he do that? Link to comment
diamond78 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Wow this is a really strong reaction from him...His actions appear to be from a person that is very angry. Did he ever disrespect you in the past? Like call you names, be overly critical, or an unpleasant person? Does his actions seem in line with how he has acted in the past? I'm glad he has shown you his true colors though. Link to comment
Singler Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Send someone else to pick up the things, give him a shock. my ex broke up with me on the plane ride home from disney, i think he planned it out the first few days were nice, but then he got distant which made me angry. so yes sometimes they are often letting go of you while still with you... Link to comment
roxy79 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 He does have a lot of anger issues... a big side of him that I was not a fan of, but I honestly thought by me being such a positive and uplifting person, that I could keep him away from being such a downer and negative nancy all the time. But what he did, by putting all my things in trash bags, somehow DOESNT surprise me, yet it does. I thought he had a little class and was sometimes a gentleman, but this clearly disproves all of that. If he is this awful to me now, I can't imagine what misery id be in in the future with him. My question, is he doing this cause he knows he f-up in the relationship and he knows he's losing a great girl. I'm not gonna lie, he's not attractive, he's got more baggage than American Airlines, but I was trying to look past it all. I myself, being 11 yrs younger than him, certainly makes me stand out. So why would he be so hateful towards me when I did nothing wrong? Had I cheated on him, maybe this would be warrented. But I DID NOTHING but treat him like a King and support him every step of the way. I'm trying to figure out why he would be so awful. Is he doing it to make himself feel better, and so that he has ZERO reminders of me? And litterally I mean ZERO?? Link to comment
careber Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 He doesn't know what he has until he doesn't have you around. My exboyfriend of 2 years broke up with me two months ago and already went out dating other girls. Later came back to complaint to me about the girl he dated did not work out. Girl I think you have so much to offer,you just need to look past this an get your feet on the ground. Link to comment
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