curious11 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Im currently dealing with a long distance relationship... Not to far in distance, probably about an hour away.. but I only saw my g/f once in the past month due to personal issues. I saw her the other day for the first time, and we spent 2 hours together.. it was amazing and I loved every second of it. But when the time was over and the next day came, I found myself really sad and missing her even more. I got used to not seeing her but when i finally did my emotions went wild. I wont be able to see her for atleast another month, and then after that possibly once a week if not less. Im scared that things wont work out, we had a conversation about it because shes scared im going to leave her and im scared shes going to leave me. I understand that there is a possibility that it wont work out. And it scares me to death because I love this girl. We talk every day, and text and all that stuff. To me 6 months isnt that long, but she said "do you just want to end it now" "I feel like im being selfish because i was the one who messed up and i dont want you to have to hold on to me and suffer while im away". Has anyone else made a relationship like this work? And how do I control my emotions and not worry so much, and just let it take its course? I understand that the only way it wont work out is if I make the worst of it, instead of the best of it. It will be a good 6 months to work on myself, but in the back of my mind Im always thinking shell leave me and get sick of dealing with it. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Why a month? You live an hour away. Link to comment
happylady Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 There are certain people that can handle a long distance relationship and some that cant. You have to figure out which are you. I am able to get along fine on my own and appreciate the time alone and what not. Yeah after I see my bf I get very sad for a week or so after but we talk everyday on skype video chat. We have been doing this for over 2 years. I was just there for 2 weeks in sept and he is coming here for 2 weeks in dec and jan for christmas and new years. I met his fam, he met mine yada yada. This summer he is coming over here again with his fam and is going to stay for 6 months. I am trying to learn the Finnish so maybe someday I can go and live there for a few years with him. I see it as something that fits our personalities very well and we are able to deal with it. We were friends for a year before even having the ld relationship as well so that may makes things a bit easier for us but same logic. I think if you really like and trust her it can work. Only thing is you both have to be very comfortable with being able to lay out all your insecurities and talk them out before going deeper into the relationship. Knowing that you can express even the smallest things that bother you will make you less bothered by things as weird as that sounds Link to comment
happylady Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Oh and did I mention I live in NY and he in Finland? 9 hour flight... Link to comment
curious11 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Thanks for your reply... I have trust issues. She has trust issues. It was good when we both were closer and were able to see eachother more often. But she said "dont take this the wrong way but im ok without you, i can survive." "I dont rely on you, but i want to be with you and im not leaving you." Me on the other hand, im a bit more attatched to the person I love. I dont show it, and as long as I dont show that I think it will be alright. Link to comment
curious11 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Why a month? You live an hour away. Shes stipulated to a place where there only allowed to go out and visit on certain times. And the first month she cant do any of that. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Shes stipulated to a place where there only allowed to go out and visit on certain times. And the first month she cant do any of that. Can you be specific? Is it a military school? (Yes, this is a real question. I had friends who have dated Northwestern boys and only got a few letters from them written on used paper with dirt all over them because of how harsh they were on those boys that first year. ) Link to comment
happylady Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 If you guys have trust issues in my own personal opinion it wont work at all. What she said is how I feel in general as well. I in no way need my boyfriend and can survive on my own but I want to be with him because I love him. To me I find when someone is with you because they want to be rather then because they need to be is waaaay more flattering. You shouldnt take that the wrong way at all. She is just independent and to me that is a good trait. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I've been in one for a year and half. We've had ups and downs and many arguments and split a few times.....still got back with one another and still together though. I dont see him 'that' much, but he calls and mails constantly and every day. It depends upon how much you think of each other, as to whether it will work, it takes two to make it work. If you are meant to be together, then you will be and no matter what life throws at you. Link to comment
curious11 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Shes in a halfway house. Im in a sober house. So it will be good for us to work on ourselves. I love her, and she loves me. I mean she even said, whats meant to be will always find its way. This girl is very special to me. She said that "shes never met anybody like me, and there isnt anybody better out there" But i know that things can change, people can change, and that someday mr. perfect walks into her life and see ya lata im left alone. I just hope that her feelings towards me are what she says they are, and that maybe I am a guy she doesnt want to let go of. Link to comment
guitargirl1607308056 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 There are never any guarantees in relationships. Two people who live together can break up tomorrow. I believe that all you can do is try your best to show each (even with the distance) how important you each are to the other and communicate openly and honestly about how you're feeling at any given point in the relationship. Nothing worth having comes easily. Good luck to you both Link to comment
curious11 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 thank you, I appreciate the positive messages Link to comment
Kumatora Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 I have trust issues. She has trust issues. Then a LDR will not survive. I'm speaking with a lot of experience on this because this is how I lost my partner in the beginning while I was away at college. Just like in every relationship, you got to have it or you're looking at a loss. The fear of losing each other is very understandable and real. But if you both want it to work out, you BOTH have to work it out. A relationship takes effort... but an LDR takes a step beyond, making it harder and difficult to continue. Therefore, not everyone can do it. You seem very sure about working on it... but on the other hand, your girlfriend does not want to go through it and voiced a concern that it's not for her. That will be a problem. You can't hold her back from seeing other people if she wants to. Like I said... if it's meant to be, it will work out. If not there will be others. Good luck. I really hope things work out for you. Stay strong! Link to comment
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