Looking for a way in.

[Lavender25]

So it's been almost 2 weeks since I last had contact with the ex in a facebook chat. We all remember how that ended:

 

Me: "Well, I have to be somewhere at one so I should probably go."

Ex: "Okey Doke. I was just more or less responding to your message. I don't have anything else of importance."

 

Then there was that play that I went to on Saturday and he was there. We didn't speak and it was obvious that things were still awkward (mostly avoiding eye contact, etc.).

 

I'm stuck between staying NC or start making the change to LC. If I were to go into LC, I'm not sure how I would go about it. Stick with communication through facebook? I don't think that would be a good idea because in my first reply to him when he broke NC I kinda chewed his head off and told him that any important conversation between us deserved more than a facebook message. I think a text out of the blue would really throw him off... and a phone call even more.

 

It's been just over 3 months since the break up. I think I'm in a good place emotionally and I have been dating someone else for maybe a month now. I feel like the ex and I still have unfinished business because he and I have been off/on for 7 years and always got back together and he ended it this time saying that things had gotten too stressful and that he thought there might be someone else that he would fit better with. At the same time, he told me that he couldn't say this break up would be forever and that he couldn't predict what would happen in the future (sounds like GIGS to me).

 

When we lived together we used my computer and I have recently discovered that his Microsoft Outlook account is still active and he is receiving emails. I don't know much about the program but I know he has gotten emails from prospective clients for music lessons (he gives guitar lessons) and from Geico (he is trying to save up to buy a car). I am thinking about using this as my way in to make contact, letting him know he still gets emails to this account and asking him if he needs them forwarded or whatnot. It will probably look like what it is (me trying to initiate contact) but at this point I just want to move things along.

 

What do you guys think? And to those of you that went into LC, how did you break the ice?

[Lavender25]

Also, I keep thinking about the way he ended the message that broke NC:

 

"I hope you are doing well and you've had enough time and space to figure everything out a little bit. Just message me back with anything you feel like you might want to say."

 

When I told him that time and space did give me a new perspective on things and that if we had anything to say to each other it deserved more than a facebook message I'm sure it came off as bitter and angry. He didn't respond to this part of my message.

 

I'm wondering if he wanted me to initiate the conversation because he had things he wanted to say or if he didn't have anything to say at all and just wanted me to pour out my feelings... or if because I chewed him out he decided now wasn't the time to talk...

 

It keeps running through my head and I can't come to any conclusions.

[odile]

Microsoft outlook is just a way to access the mail, but it's not quite like an actual mailbox.

The "mail" goes instead to a server, and the outlook program merely fetches a copy of the mail from the server.

 

Pretty much all email accounts can be accessed via a webmail service, too, so most likely he can receive his mail from any other computer

 

Unless his email address is directly attached to your own internet service provider/personal account, then there

there is absolutely no reason to forward him the emails, or contact him.

Simply delete his microsoft outlook user details/email account from your computer.

 

It won't harm him, and it will help you.

 

3 months is a good amount of time, but it's not that long when put in the context of a relationship that lasted the 7 years prior.

 

It sounds very much like he is fine with NC, and until you no longer feel worried about what he is or isn't doing, then to continue to veer on the side of NC is probably your best bet.

 

When you saw him at the play, you couldn't even look him in the eye and say "hello" when you see him.

The tension's still just too high.

My thought is that it is perhaps better to keep things chilled out until that feeling of "unfinished business" has subsided a bit.

When it's okay to move to LC, it'll probably be when you are no longer wanting it so keenly, and fretting so much over how to segue into it.

[odile]

Ah, this is interesting.

He was totally fishing!

The annoying thing is that he didn't even have anything to say.

Trust me, if he really, really did, and if it was important enough, he would have found a way to say it.

 

You know what, though? I think you did all right.

 

If after 7 years, he was still uncertain of his feelings, and didn't have the guts (or inclination) to stay, work on the relationship, or outright commit, then I do wonder if the issue is that now he's just a bit sorry that he can't keep you on the back burner any longer.

If he's heard you're seeing someone new, that probably made him just that more curious.

[bronte]

I'd let it be for now, Lavender, and try to focus on the new guy. Your ex hasn't really been acting like he wants to be in contact with you, and if he meant anything by his cryptic comments about hoping you'd had time to figure things out, you gave him a chance to press further with that and he chose not to. I know it's hard, and believe me, I know how insanely difficult it is to not contact someone you still care about, but the contact you make now is unlikely to be meaningful anyway.

 

Give *him* some time to figure things out, and focus on your own healing in the meantime so you'll be in the healthiest spot possible if he does try to come back at some point.