Feeling different

[owl27]

I am so fortunate to have a large group of friends of all ages, genders, life situations, and races.

 

Usually I am fine with all of my friends. However, lately I have become aware of feeling different.

 

I am overweight. Some of my close family are also overweight. We are still attractive but we need to lose 30-50 lbs. "Plus size" if you will.

 

I have battled weight my entire life and had to learn to like myself "as is" to avoid serious depression. Recent tragedy has struck our family, as well, complicating things. We can--and will--strive to get healthier, I know. But right now we are dealing with other issues in our lives.

 

Meanwhile, I am starting to feel a gap between myself and my friends. I just today realized I am "the biggest" among all of my close friends. It's affecting my self-confidence. Not because I don't think I am pretty, but because I feel different.

 

Many of my friends are exceptionally small. But some are average to a little overweight. I am tall and large boned so I am used to being bigger. But suddenly I feel like no one can relate to me. Even my friends who are close to my size are different because they have been thin a some point in their lives. And their kids are not battling any weight issues, either.

 

It's not a matter of me wanting to be the "hottest" or anything. Some of my friends are very young and haven't had kids yet. Some are quite old and have lost weight due to age. Many of them are naturally thin, some are smokers, a couple of them work out, most of them are yo-yo dieters. So we are all very different.

 

Many of the ones my age obsess about weight and looks. Even the thin ones (size 4) talk about getting lipo and feeling "fat." It hurts my feelings. I think that if they think THEY are fat, what must they think of me and my family?

 

Sometimes I feel awkward during conversations about plastic surgery and diets and all that. I don't want to make any positive or negative comments. It's uncomfortable. I constantly compliment my friends but I find I only get noticed when I lose a little weight.

 

One answer would be--lose weight. However, that isn't the whole issue here. It's also about my feelings about looks in general and aging and being natural. I could get some new friends but I love my current friends. Not all of them obsess about looks. I am just feeling a bit out of place.

 

Opinions please?