Financial ability challenged

[wish4me]

So confused again and hurt. We decided to postpone our wedding for a future date a few months ago, we decided to give us more time.

 

Since my fiancee has been living with me for a few months we decided to trade in our car. I haven't had a car payment for the past 4 years, I have no credit cards and my financial status and credit is very good.

 

I was so excited to invite my future in laws over this past weekend only to be quizzed over our financial decisions. I know they worry but I respect the privacy of others and will not ask questions that pertain to their financial matters. We, unlike them don't smoke, we don't spend a fortune on food and end up giving loads away, and we don't send money to family members that can't get off their butts to support themselves. I told my fiancee that I found it unneccesary when his mom asked "so everthing is good with the money side, so by trading does this mean your better off etc. Then she started nick picking on little stuff". I felt very smothered after they left and spent the night awake. He told me that its just the way she is .. she doesn't think before she says things... I just feel like its an intrustion of our financial matters. It was only a few weeks ago that they went up North to see relatives, ran out of money and called my fiancee asking for help... I know they have credit cards unlike us so she's the wrong person to be asking this info. I feel like she questioning our ability to handle money as a couple. Both our credits are great! I feel like that decisions we make need to be justified. By fiance told me that he would talk to them about it but I spoke to him earlier and told him not to bring it up unless she mentioned it again. I just feel smothered

 

I just feel deep down that she feels hurt that she wasn't a part in the decision process since my fiancee always turned to them for advise on certain aspects. You know when you get the feeling that someone is just saying stuff because they can't think of anything else to say or feel awkward. ?

[thetruth]

it is an intrusion ... but she's his mom. some mother in laws intrude like that. he seems accepting of it, that's the way she is - so if it is really going to bother you when she does this (because this is only the start) then it is something you have to figure out .

[wish4me]

She is a very sweet person but can often use it to her advantage too. My fiance told me that he too was surprised by her comment but that's the kind of person she is - she says things without even thinking but not in a bad way.

[thetruth]

and that can be true - but again, if she is not going to change the only other option is for you to ignore it. which is normal - and something i would recommend. bringing it can often be more trouble than it was worth.

 

but you seemed very bothered by it , so that's up to you.

[wish4me]

It's ignoring it is the problem.

 

For instance while they were eating supper his Mom mentioned how congested she was but refused my fiancee remark about it being about the cigarrettes. She's defensive when cigarettes are mentioned.

 

Finances and privacy I feel strongly about. I guess I need to just ignore it.

[hexaemeron]

Hi, welcome to dealing with a mother in law. Get used to it. =)

[waveseer]

I like to respond thusly, *surprised* "Oh! Well, we don't discuss our finances with other people, we consider that gauche."