Teenager in an abusive house

[advice_please]

Can you help me? i just want some advice..

I'm 15 years old living in a house hold where i have never had a relationship with my father because when i was young he would hit my brother and moved away when i was 5 to have affairs behind my mother's back (i refuse to talk to him or see him now) and having a verbally abusive mother who has constantly told me how awful and selfish i am... ontop of that my brother has a rare eye disease and is goign blind.

My mom tells me things like how i am crazy and i always hurt her and i never help her and i scare my friends away and how selfish i am... i used to call my aunt and try to talk to her or one of my friends but she found out and now says just go call so-and-so and tell them how awful i am! because i am such a monster! then she'll tell me how i need to contribute more and how i shouldnt be getting up at 12 on the weekend and how that means i'm a lazy not indepented teenager and how i am going to fail at life and how behind i am compared to the rest of the world. then ten minutes later she'll come in and tell me she forgives me and i need to try harder... is it my fault>????? she tells me i'm completely crazy and i over react and i'm not normal but all i want is to feel safe and not trapped. shes never made me feel safe. one time i ran away and had to go to the hospital and at the hospital she didnt comfort me or anythign she was mad at me, refused to talk to me, and insisted i give her my coat and chair so she could sleep because she was too stressed. all ive ever wanted was to feel safe at home. i do my best to help my brother because he is so angry and lost in all of this and i just want to try to help him. i will always love my mom because she is my mom but i have never liked her as a person.. i'm just so trapped when i am home. not to mention i just found out my dad had another kid that my mom never told me about.. and is refusing to tell my brother and the only reason i found out was through her email... and when i found out all she would talk about is how awful my dad is and how much he hurt her.. which makes me sad but i heard that story atleast 100 times from 10 different people! i just wanted her to be there for me! but she wasnt she would only talk about herself. i mean all i can think about now is the brother i dont know i just feel like i need to be loyal and know him and protect him like i do to my brother and i feel so stupid and selfish and awful that i cant be stronger.

[avman]

OP I created a new thread for you so your post will get more replies.

[elite867]

Hi there, I am not sure what advice I can give. I can tell you that I have lived with a mother who was very difficult and filled my head with negativity about myself. She and I have a good relationship now but it has taken a lot. I am 29 y/o and it wasn't until I was 23 or 24 that I finally stood up to her. But anyway, the things she said when I was a kid still affect me as an adult. I am working on that.

 

So, what i would tell you is don't believe what she says. She is your mother and she should love you but don't allow her problems and abusive behavior to change who you are.

 

Because she is your mother and you are so young, there may not be too much you can do to stop her behavior. But a good first step might be your school counselor. You can see him/her without your mom knowing and he/she may be able to guide you through this.

 

Best of luck to you and remember, you are a great person!

[hear_her_roar]

Your mother sounds like a very sick person. Please try not to let what she says affect you, no matter how hard that may be. You did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to deserve this treatment, and what she says is not true, it is her lashing out at her lovely child because she cannot lash out at her abuser. Some people go into a self-pitying spiral after being abused, and that is not your fault at all.

 

I would not stop contact with the outside world. Talk to your aunt, friends, and others close to you as much as possible. You deserve to have healthy relationships, and need the chance to vent and be reminded of what an awesome person you are.

 

The sad truth is that parents will not always be good to their children or deserving of their children's love. Just because she's your mum doesn't mean you have to put up with this and play along with her. That doesn't mean you don't love her; it just means that you also love yourself, and are reaffirming that you are a whole and amazing person who deserves nothing but happiness.

 

I wish I could give you advice regarding your unknown brother, but unfortunately I don't know very much in that area. Try talking to your aunt or another close adult and see if they can be of any help.

 

Please remember that no matter what horrible things your mother says, it is not true. It is a relfection of her own anguish rather than yourself. You are a young person with your whole life ahead of you.

 

Best of luck. Talk here anytime you need to vent; it can do wonders. My heart goes out to you and both of your brothers.