cocoon Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 So I was bored one day and my friend tells me about this pen pal website so i decided to join, thought it would be interesting to meet someone from another country. I got message by someone from america, really nice person and we have been talking for maybe like half a year. Nothing wrong with some harmless convo, we wrote a few letters now we talk on facebook and we have each others numbers and occasionally call/text but not often usually just chat on facebook. The only thing is i have a boyfriend, i have been with him for just over 2 years. You might think so what? So did i until my pen pal told me he was coming to england next year and to my home town. UH OH. So my problem is to i tell my boyfriend i talk to some random guy from america and i may meet him next year OR do i tell american guy i cant talk to him anymore? I dont want to fall out with my boyfriend for lying, HELP?! Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 If he's just a platonic pen pal, then your boyfriend shouldn't have an issue. You can all go round the pub and have some drinks together. No issue. Unless: 1.) You have feelings for him, or he has feelings for you 2.) Your boyfriend is a controlling, neurotic prat Otherwise, I'd say you're in the clear. Link to comment
Greggie Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Why have you never mentioned him to your boyfriend before though? I mean, nothing wrong with having a pen pal, but it seems all the more suspicious when you conceal it... Link to comment
simply complicated Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I think most guys wouldn't feel comfortable with the whole pen pal idea, especially when it's another guy. My friends girl left him after 5 years for someone she "occasionally" talked to online, he was also in the states. Does your pen pal know you have a boyfriend? either way, it's easier to tell the pen pal something like, your BF doesn't feel comfortable with you two talking, and that maybe it should stop. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I think you should be honest to your boyfriend and see what he thinks. Clearly I would say that it's more important to work things out with your boyfriend than someone you've never met before. Tell the American guy that you have a boyfriend and if he wouldn't mind, you would like to bring him along when you guys get together. A year is a long way from now, a lot can happen throughout that time. However, you need to start being honest with yourself. Link to comment
cocoon Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 Thats the thing, i should have mentioned before and i guess i didnt because i knew he would react badly. Its true, no boyfriend would react good to this. I wouldnt either. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Thats the thing, i should have mentioned before and i guess i didnt because i knew he would react badly. Its true, no boyfriend would react good to this. I wouldnt either. That's not true. I think there are many people who wouldn't have a problem with a partner having a FRIEND. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Thats the thing, i should have mentioned before and i guess i didnt because i knew he would react badly. Its true, no boyfriend would react good to this. I wouldnt either. That's understandable, but if he finds out later on - he'll be even more upset. It'll look suspicious if you are hiding it. It's entirely up to you really. You can tell the guy that you don't have any intentions on meeting him and you have a boyfriend. However, if he was on your facebook - doesn't the guy know that you already have a boyfriend or did you conceal this fact? If you didn't let him know then I would say that you possibly have some sort of feelings for him. In either case, you have to decide what it is that you really want and what matters most. Link to comment
cocoon Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 Yeah I guess so but i know my boyfriend, he wouldnt like it. Sometimes i think no im not doing anything wrong but i wouldnt like it if he did it so maybe that says something. I know it deffinatley looks suspicious, my boyfriend doesnt have facebook so thats why he hasnt seen that. I know myself that my boyfriends more important but i dont want to look like a * * * * * to my friend Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Yeah I guess so but i know my boyfriend, he wouldnt like it. Sometimes i think no im not doing anything wrong but i wouldnt like it if he did it so maybe that says something. I know it deffinatley looks suspicious, my boyfriend doesnt have facebook so thats why he hasnt seen that. I know myself that my boyfriends more important but i dont want to look like a * * * * * to my friend If you already know that you wouldn't like it if he did this to you, why are you doing this to him? It's one thing being friends with someone, nothing wrong with this at all, but concealing that fact is something else. You can't always please everyone. If you already stated that your boyfriend is more important then I suggest that you let him know, he won't be happy about this, but it also goes to show that you're being upfront now and you're not doing anything. However, if you continue talking to the American guy (again, nothing wrong with just being friends), you have to let him know that you are taken and he shouldn't think anything else of the situation. Delaying the situation isn't going to help either. Link to comment
cocoon Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 I didnt really think about it until he said he was coming to the uk (hes not coming for me by the way) I just dont want to risk telling him and losing him, i know i shouldnt have done it in the first place! I would rather tell my friend we cant talk but i dont know what to say... Link to comment
simply complicated Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I didnt really think about it until he said he was coming to the uk (hes not coming for me by the way) I just dont want to risk telling him and losing him, i know i shouldnt have done it in the first place! I would rather tell my friend we cant talk but i dont know what to say... You can make up anything, just say your boyfriend found out that you two were talking, he didn't like it, it led to several arguments, and he gave you an altimatum, which is why you have to stop talking. He can't argue with that. Link to comment
cocoon Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 I guess not. Another thing is though my friend talks to him also, she met someone online too so thats why she started talking to him. I dont want her to say anything or decide to meet her then my boyfriend finds out anyway? If that makes any sense! Link to comment
simply complicated Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I'm sure if you stop talking to him, your friend will eventually follow suit, but even if they did continue to talk, and say they did meet up, your friend would just let you know where and when and you could just avoid them. It's not like he's staying there permanently, just visiting right? Link to comment
cocoon Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 yeah i guess so. Okay think i have made a decision, thanks for everyones help Link to comment
melanie25 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 If anything I think your boyfriend would have more of a problem with you keeping it from him, as long as there has been just friendly conversation between you and your friend than there is nothing wrong with talking to your friend, Your boyfriend may become suspicious when he finds out that you have been talking to this guy for so long and haven't bothered to bring it up before, I know my boyfriend would wonder why I kept it a secret for so long. I think you should tell him about it before he finds out on his own, things are always better coming from you and not someone else. Link to comment
cocoon Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 I guess thats right too but i just dont want to risk anything. I would rather stop talking to this guy. Link to comment
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