After change, still stuck.

[Blockhead1013]

I've been really determined to make my life better, but not motivated enough I suppose. About a year ago I completely hated myself, my family, my situation etc. I really had no reason to, I was just an ungrateful little * * * * . I still am, but after going to a psychologist for about 4 or 5 months and going to hypnotherapy I've come out a bit more confident and grateful for my existence. However, those haven't really affected my awful social life. I have some good guy friends, but I really can't say I have any truly close girl friends.

 

I just moved out into an apartment with my roommate, and it is my first year of Uni. As any teenage boy, my primary concern is girls. I really want to make that NOT my priority, and I've tried a lot of different methods to take my mind off of it, but nothing has worked.

 

I've really wanted to stop my bad habits and try new things and start making something of myself, but I put it off all the time. I know its laziness and I know that I have to put in the effort but I feel like it would be worthless to even attempt.

 

I've become incredibly lazy and stupid from the amount of weed I have smoked over the past two years. I have been trying hard to quit but I guess as much as I refused to even think about it, it is so much harder to fully quit than it is to just think about quitting.

 

I've been trying to set my priorities straight, I am not really taking a heavy load but my classes are a bit difficult. I took my first step towards a job search yesterday and created my resume which looks absolutely pathetic and embarrassing. But besides the job I really want to take time to find out what I do and don't like, I just don't even know where to start. In all honesty, the only reason I would gain any motivation to take up any sort of hobby is so I could get a girlfriend. This is the biggest flaw I face in myself; I want to be able to do things for myself rather than care so much about doing them to please other people. But I've been working on solving that for the past year now and I have pretty much lost faith in my ability to do that. I really don't know what to do anymore.

 

I know people will ask me what I'm interested in and what I like, but I really don't know. I just want to be happy and have at least some idea of what I'm doing with my life by the time I'm out of college.

[Blockhead1013]

And after re-reading what I typed I noticed that my selfishness is obvious to everyone. I've been thinking about doing some sort of volunteer work, but then again that is just "thinking". It will be eternity before I get around to actually doing it. Plus, that isn't enough... I need to find something else to supplement that (besides a job).

[pivotal]

Try and find where the negativity is stemming from. It can be molded into music or poetry, even expressed as anger in a sport or martial art. Nobody expects to find their calling quickly, so immerse yourself in various activities.

 

It's obvious the dope isn't helping, and you will come into contact with girls during your journey. Put a halt to the negative self-talk and invest effort in self-confidence. Realize that coping with these issues now is pale in comparison to what you will confronted with as you get older.

 

Time will quickly pass regardless if it's wasted or used to your advantage. Think about what the affects of your current behavior will earn you 10 or 20 years in the future.

[itsallgrand]

What about yourself do you like and/or are proud of?

 

Asking that question helped me to start to find some branches to look into. Forget about what you "like" for a second and think about what you have that you consider (or others, that counts too) worthwhile and of some use and service to the world.

 

I personally love volunteer work and would suggest it for near anyone. If your resume is skinny - it can help plump that up too. And you can meet a lot of people who later can grow into a whole community of support (even for life sometimes). And that includes people who know girls, and even girls. lol.

 

It's not a terrible thing if you use your desire to meet cute girls as motivation to do things that are good for yourself and your life/future. If it's fuel, it's fuel - it's more a matter of how you focus it.

 

Everyone has something to contribute. And you can start using that even as you figure out how to turn from Mr. Pessimist to something more positive.

[JanetJarvis]

The weed smoking is not the issue here. It is just a symptom. Everytime before your light up as yourself why you want to light up and write it down. Over the course of time you will discover things and will be amazed at how simple the answer is.

Also you might want to google "the d--i--c--k--e--n--s pattern" it was invented by Tony Robbins. Follow the exercise and you ll be amazed at how much motivation you will find in a short period of time. ( I had to tweak my answer as teh forum software thought I was posting profanity... not the case)

 

JJ