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His dad and grandfather within a month of each other


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I don't think I'm asking anything in particular, just trying to express some things weighing on my mind.


The guy I like and I have a bit of an odd history. It's not really relevant, but we were out of touch for nearly 2 years and just starting talking again last May. One of the first things he told me was his father had very aggressive stomach and colon cancer. He and his family tried to remain optimistic, but his dad was put on hospice in early July so it soon became a matter of waiting. His father passed away July 19.


I got a call from him today saying his grandfather just passed away today, who had Parkinson's for nearly a decade. My guy told me, "I'm afraid I saw my own future," because he does have tremors sometimes, to the point where it worries his family.


I had no idea what to say to that. If I had a question, it would probably be how do I be a supportive friend in a situation like this? I ended up saying something dumb like hopefully treatment will advance so it doesn't become such a debilitating disease.


There is just no way I can fathom losing my dad and grandfather within weeks of each other to horrible sicknesses which are very likely in my genetics. I've lost my grandparents but never prematurely. I'm very fortunate to not have cancer and such in my family, but I wish I could identify with his loss more.


To make it even more difficult, I am in California and he's in Pennsylvania. I wish I could cook some dinner and invite him over. I suppose I could send him a card or something, but he's the type of guy who doesn't like cheesy, cliche stuff like that. To him it would probably come off as fake and insincere. On the surface he's very sarcastic and cynical, but he's really very caring, selfless, and has a huge heart. He's putting on a bit of a tough guy act but I know these losses are affecting him deeply.


Should I just leave him be with the typical, "I'm only a phone call away if you need me" ?


Did I mention I like him? Hah, oh yes. We almost dated when we were 19, but the distance was still there. I ended up meeting my most recent ex, and PA guy was crushed and cut all contact from me. I can hardly say I blame him. Two years later, my relationship ain't so great anymore and PA guy pokes me on Facebook. We chat, and I say I have a boyfriend. He says, "I won't interfere, but I do wish we could have re-connected when you were single."


I became single pretty soon before his dad died for reasons unrelated to him. Of course, "us" is not a concern for me right now, just his well being. I just want to be whatever he needs, if anything. If he wants to be left alone, I'm fine with that too.


Yeah, I guess that's all I wanted to say. Thanks for reading.

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'm not good with these things, but as a guy who'd also put on a tough act I suggest calling him regularly. Ask him how things are. If he opens up, great, but don't force it.


If he's angry, saying something like "how do you think I am?" maybe allow him that and try to talk about anything else. If he's still hostile, "you want me to talk about this summer when my dad just died?" then I'm all out of ideas.


Good luck, and good on you for being a caring person.

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