does my boyfriend really care about me?

[natash24]

Hi all,

 

I was wondering why it is that when I ask my boyfriend if he loves me and if he still wants to be in this relationhsip he gets annoyed and says he hates it when I ask him this when he could just respond with a simple yes. he gets so annoyed with this, what does that mean? Why do guys get so defensive when you ask them about their past? If a guy gets really defensive does that mean he is keeping a secret from you like he has a bad character flaw? I don't know how to tell if my boyfriend really loves being with me so I ask him all the time. We often hang out and watch movies and stuff but there's no real connecting with deep conversations. I try but he says he doesn't like analyzing us as a couple because there's no point to it and we should just be. Does that mean he's not serious and doesn't care? please help. thanks

[SwingFox]

Hi Natash,

 

Thank you for your post to eNotalone.com. I am sorry to read that things don't really go the way you expect them to go. Unfortunately every human being is slightly different with different needs. Some guys just don't like to analyze, but I can safely tell you that there's also women around like that (I can tell as a guy... *grins*).

 

In a relationship two people grow towards each other as a team. You give some and you take some. It looks like that having conversations with your b/f is something that's very important to you. Obviously he doesn't feel like it. The question you have to ask yourself now is: "Is having deep conversations with the one I love so important that I would break up this relationship and move on or can I be in this relationship without having all these talks?" Your answer decides your action.

 

I can tell you that guys tend to be less communicative than women are or would want them to be. But I also can tell you that there are heaps of guys that do want to talk to their woman and communicate with them (I am one of them).

 

I hope this helped you some. Should you have more questions, please let us know. I wish you good luck

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Gilgamesh]

One thing is to have healthy dialog in a relectionship, the ability to open up be and comfortable with your partner. but prying into ones past is something different, if he is uncomfortable talking about his past, it doesnt mean hes hiding something bad, or that he is bad, it could just be something he wants to forget. dont force it, later in the relationship when hes ready and trusts you more, he may tell you about it.

 

If your boyfriend doesnt want to talk about anything, that can be a bit more serious problem.

 

It took me a year before i could tell my girlfriend i loved her, because i needed time to make sure she really loved me, (i still got burnt) your boyfriend may just be protecting himself.

[crawlerdenuit]

well i think swingfox is right guys are less communicative, we tend to keep things inside, and have prolbems expressing ourselves, i my self came to this forum for advice and see that there are a lot of guys with the prolbem you say he has, if he truly loves you he should let you know, avoid him for a day or two not like your mad at him just dont give him high priority see what he does, he may try to comfort you, this is one sign that he cares about you, try not to worry about his past most guys have a past full of wrong dooings that he may feel you will hate him for doing or may not approve of so he will make up a past to better suit you, this is a lie but he is trying to protect your feelings. if he does love you ask him

again and agiain he will get annoyed and feel he needs to show you, that is how you will know if he loves you,

 

plz feel free to let me know how it goes

later...

[natash24]

thanks for all of your persectives which I agree with all. I am amazed to get three responses from men and am so glad for it. I guess I have to have more patience with him since it has been 6 months. i think I criticize him too much because he used to say I love you to me ever so often, then I told him not to say it anymore because I don't feel loved. I suppose that has made him self conscious or something like that. Can I turn things around and do men forget easily? Also another question how much will men put up with if they don't love a women. I mean do they keep them around just to have someone? I mean with my boyfriend and I it's not about the sex because we don't have much of it because he is so stressed out and tired all the time( maybe 2 times a week at most). So sometimes I think he is keeping me around until he finds someone else because I figure he would try harder. All we do is hang out and that's it. Sometimes he plans things but again he is not very romantic as he used to be. Could be that he is busy with work. Also I have asked him for 2 weeks off so when I do see him how should I act? All mysterious like I had a blast without him or run into his arms and tell him I love him. Sometimes I think he needs to feel like he would loose me in order to appreciate me. Well please write back and thanks!

[xxxx]

Most probably, YES!!!

Guys don't like to talk about feelings. I posted a message on here, primarily because of that. I can't talk ot my friends about things of this nature. I am going to give you a mans man point of view here. Try not to read too much into it. I myself was brought up in a non touchy feely household. He may have been too. Men like to show they care, not talk about it. Does he enjoy spending time with you, do you share interests, and if not, do you try to teach each other about your interests. I am a techie, my gf is more artistic, so I help her with the cold hard stuff, and she helps me with the touchy feely. His actions will speak luder than his words ever will. any females reading this should take note! If someone tells me they care I like that, when they show me, I love it. Most men are this way. Actions speak louder than words. IF he feels for you, you will know. Hint, look for the little things, things he wouldn't do if you weren't there. Don't mention them to him, just smile when you notice. They ar eprobably right in front of you, you might not have noticed

[Aura Seeker]

I have found in the past that words are really meaningless anyway. I have had some experiences with some pretty smooth talkers. That is all it is......talk.

 

I don't worry so much about deep communication with men, because a lot of them are not practiced at it. Even if they want to, they just don't have the skills.

 

The thing I focus on now isn't how well it is communicated verbally, and I curb my need to hear it; but rather if the actions of the person I am with is saying it to me. Actions is where the buck is, not just having them say it.

 

Does your man show you with action that he loves you?

 

AS