Is this false hope??

[confusedandsad]

My ex and I work at the same place. We don't run into each other. But yesterday he sent me an email. It was work related. I guess he could have asked another department about his request, but I figured he went the direct approach asking me for a request. Someone was on bereavement, and he sent me an email to send the person flowers. He copied my boss and the other HR guy. I think he could have sent the request directly to them and they could have delegated it to me... since I always get the flowers anyway. But he emailed me directly. I thought if he really wanted to avoid me he would have sent it to them instead. But I'm probably just being naive again. He probably is trying to play everything cool, and to him, everything that went down 2 1/2 weeks ago is not a big deal. He has probably wanted out for some time of this relationship. I recently started reading a book about commitment phobic people. He fits the mold perfectly. So I'm sure he lost interest in me a while ago... made excuses in his head to why I was not good for him...and bailed when it was either fight or flight. He flew because the idea of emotionally getting close to someone was too scary when it was for real and I was on his same page.

 

So I'm posting this because I feel dumb for having such stupid hope that underneath his armor he cares about me and might want to slowly get back in touch. I'm sure this is not the case because his message to me was very direct and none personal. He did not ask me how I was. He just said Hi, gave his message, and then Thanks- with his name.

 

Just wondering what you guys think?

 

When we spoke after the break-up he said he had to think about what I offered for us to stay together. He never got back to me about it.

When he called me a week later – he just sounded friendly. Asked if I was keeping busy- where I was… and that maybe he would call me that night. I suggested we go get coffee or something, and he said that he would get back to me about it. He never did. I tried to reach him once that night when he never called back. He did not answer and I just left a friendly message saying that it was probably too late to see each other… and that I was just wondering what he was planning…bla bla. Never called back. And since then 1.5 weeks ago… I have not called him/seen him…. No contact until yesterday from him.

But I think he has no intentions to be romantic with me. It seemed like work. I don’t know. :sad:

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, it was simply work. People who are like that have very superficial emotions so they are able to turn off just like that because there was never any real depth to their feelings. His contact with you was just about work and nothing more.

[rapunzel]

I think it's best to reply in a very businesslike way, the same way he communicated with you.

 

Don't feel dumb about having false hope, we have all been there. The thing is - you have NO idea what he thinks or what is behind his actions. Try NOT to assume anything but just go with WHAT you KNOW. What you know is that he sent you a businesslike email and it doesn't mean anything other than that. Take it at face value for now, and continue No Contact.

 

Since you were being friendly and he didn't take you up on having coffee (in fact he blew you off by not returning your call!), and now you've had 1.5 weeks of NC (which is really not very long at all!), he may be sending out a feeler as his ego might need a little boost that you still want him, and that you're not angry at him. But this is of course, pure speculation....although it would be typical dumper behavior.

 

He had to think about "what you offered"? Wow, that was pretty insensitive if that is what he said and you need to take the upper hand here.

 

Don't take the bait and don't read into it. And please don't call him again or suggest you have coffee. You are doing the right thing but full No Contact - do not initiate anything. Since it is work, you can and should reply but don't put any emotion into it and stick to the work facts.

 

Hang in there, I work with my ex and see him about once a week and it's been really, really tough. So count your blessings that you don't run into him!!

[confusedandsad]

Yes, it was simply work. People who are like that have very superficial emotions so they are able to turn off just like that because there was never any real depth to their feelings. His contact with you was just about work and nothing more.

 

I can't believe I was fooled and fell for a man that has superficial emotions!!! It was like meeting an alien because I never have seen someone that was not being a playboy... really mean what he said and felt... and then just turned everything around and could care less. ;-(

[confusedandsad]

Thank you.. I did respond only business like. No emotion what so ever. I have not called / seen / or want to contact him. I can't believe he has blown me off like this. He coulden't even be sensitive about it. Just bull crap lines... and then calling me out of the blue... and not getting back to me! But yes... have not contacted him and not trying to. I don't know what he is really thinking. I did take it at face value... but now I have that stupid hope thing. I hope that he will be like: OMG I don't want to lose this girl!! let me get my * * * * together!!! But I don' think that is what is happening.

It is miserable working with your ex. A part of me is happy about it too though. I think that maybe when I feel better about all this.. and he sees me down the hall or something... that he'll regret what he did to me. That he will miss me. I wish he missed me now. :sad:

 

A friend told me to just not care anymore because it's obvious that he does not care. I wish I could do that. I wish I could just turn the switch off... but then again I would be like him if I could do that....

[rapunzel]

I'm sorry. I know exactly how you feel. It would be nice if we could all just switch our emotions off but hey, we're only human. It's not possible.

 

Seriously - be glad you don't have to run into him at work. It's going on a year for me and I still find myself being misled by my ex. He gave me a flirty glance the other night. I'm pretty sure he's not seeing anyone seriously, he does have a profile on match. He also has started initiating more conversation and mentioned the other day about going to a beach we went to together a bunch last summer, and how great the water was. He knows I love to swim. Why would he tell me about this? If he went with another woman I doubt he would tell me but I have to stop wondering why he would tell me and just chalk it up to making small talk.

 

So a year later (he broke up with me last year on Sept. 7th) I am still not over it because I have had to see him at work. So really, just be glad you do NOT have to see him. Is it at all possible to avoid him completely, even via email, at work? If so, you should strive for this. Hang in there.

[confusedandsad]

Thank you! Your helpful words mean a lot. I'm sorry that you are going through this too. It is harder even just knowing they are there... really close. I want to chauk it up to he is a commitment phobic and be done with it. I know I will feel better as time goes on. I just wish he would come back.