Guilt.

[_Asti_]

I am really struggling with my emotions lately.

 

I have hit a point in my life where I should be moving forward with my life. I am done school, settling into my career, and my boyfriend and I are also ready to move forward.

I am unhappy with alot of things, unsatisfied living at home, my relationship needs to advance or we will outgrow it...for my long term happiness, I need to do these things.

 

Things felt right, we found a great place together that we get in October, and have been consumed in shopping, furnishing the place etc.

 

Which should be a happy/exciting time, for me isn't.

 

I have immense guilt about 'leaving the nest' with my mother sick at home.

 

Everyone in my family is so supportive, they are behind me 100% in my decision, and fully understand. When I've approached various family members with the question "Should I even consider it.." they respond "Why not?"

 

They see nothing wrong with it, but I do.

I feel selfish being happy, excited, taking weekend shopping trips out of town, consuming myself into this, packing up my things, etc. all the while she's lying on the couch, basically dying.

 

My cousin whom I'm extremely close with, who's father [my mom's brother] passed from the same cancer my Mom has, several years ago has been great in offering me guidance and words of advice, basically saying there will never be a good time to move out, as she moved out after her father died and expressed a tremendous amount of guilt of leaving her Mother alone.

 

](*,)

 

I'm just so frustrated, exhausted and feeling extremely guilty.

And it really sucks.

[mca1975]

It must be so hard. But you cannot put your life on hold. Im sure your mother wants you to be happy and though she will miss you, she is pleased seeing you do this for yourself.

 

Can you speak with your mum about it more. Im sure you will make every effort to visit and help out when you can...

[riley123]

I understand, it's hard...but you can't live your life for others. It has to be lived for you.

 

I agree, you should talk to your mom about how you feel. Any good parent wants their children to be happy and healthy. If moving out will do this, then I'm sure she will be supportive.

 

Will you be moving far away? Perhaps you coould work out one day a week to be home and spend time with your family? Make it a point to be there every Sunday or something.

[_Asti_]

My mom isn't the talking type.

She never has been. No one can get her to open up during this ordeal the past year. She will not speak to anyone...the only thing she did say at one point was that she had a feeling that me and my sister were getting ready to move out, and that she would be alone during this time [battling cancer]

 

My aunt revealed this to me in the spring, and since then I had put the idea of moving out out of my mind, but I have been so unhappy by not allowing myself to spread my wings and grow.

 

I guess the comment always stuck with me.

Even though she's supportive, and equally excited as she can be, I still feel guilt.

 

I talk to everyone else in my family about the situation and get encouragement and understanding from them because no one can even get through to my mom and have her open up.

 

I guess I just don't want to face her, and have her reveal some negative feelings about the situation because then I would back out of what I am doing, or feel even more guilty if she did open up to me.

 

I'm not moving far. They can actually walk to our new place, so they are both pleased I am still close to home, plus it would give me more quality time with HER..as opposed to me just existing in the house, in my bedroom.

 

I know in many ways, its the best thing, for me, for many reasons...but its just the big black cloud that constnatly hovers.