Need to get this off my chest

[AlarmClock]

Alright, I went out with a girl for about 2 years, and never trusted her. Don't ask me why I stayed with her for so long, she was just so fun to be around but the trust just was not there. Eventually I found out that she cheated on me and it all went downhill from there obviously (I ended up cheating on her as well).

 

In the meantime I go to college and get Microsoft Certified, and get a job about an hour away from where my parents live. None of the friends I had when I lived with my parents are doing anything with their lives, and are too lazy to come to the city where I live. I lost most of my friends when I moved away partly because I lived with 1 of them (and it didn't go so well), and partly because whenever I go back to where I did live they are always hanging around with my ex. I did keep 2 of my best friends though, but I recently found out that one of them has been SLEEPING WITH my ex (with no visible intetions to stop). That's not very cool with me, I know I shouldn't (and don't) care what she does but with my best friend?? Anyway the 2 friends that I feel like I still have are always together so I kinda stopped talking to them altogether for the last week or so.

 

But in the meantime in the city where I live now (for almost 2 years) I have met absolutely noone, I have a gym membership and go 3 times a week, and at my work the next youngest person to me is 29 (I'm 23) and I'm the only single person working there.

 

I have another friend that I go and visit but all he does is sit around and smoke dope (NEVER leaves the house).

 

Also I am trying to get in really good shape and deciding not to drink every weekend. To do this and hang out with ANY of my "friends" would be not fun because I would be the constant DD carting around a bunch of drunk idiots.

 

I don't know I guess I'm just looking for people who will say "been there it will get better" or even better possibly some advice?? But I feel like the only close friends I really have are my mom, dad, brother and sister. Although I am VERY happy I have a great family and agree it could be worse, it could most definatley be better as well. Thank you to anybody who read this I just needed to get this off my chest somehow.

[Mines a black coffee]

I'd say things will get better. You're only 23, you have a decent job, a decent family and you are making the effort in the gym. Sod your old friends, if they are being idiots and doing nothing with thier lives more fool them, and the one who smokes dope all day is probably in a different world anyway! All I can say is don't worry, keep working out and believe me things just fall into place. My guess is you are not completely over your ex, or at least becasue you feel lonely at the moment what she does is bothering you. Don't worry, I finished with mine over a year ago and still miss her like crazy (although like you i hate the woman!), just relax and read some posts on this website, then you'll relaise life aint so bad and could be alot worse. Later

[AlarmClock]

Yeah you are definitely right about me not being completely over my ex. Not sure why but I still stay in contact with her as well (Only on MSN Messenger) but I should probably cut that out as well I'm guessing.

 

Thanks for the response though I am aware that things could be alot worse, I guess this is all a part of growing up?? I knew I wouldn't keep ALL of those friends but never knew I would lose every one of them.

 

I think the main problem with the whole situation is weekends. In the past I would get off work/school, call up my friends, and for the rest of the weekend I wouldn't be with less then 3 people at a time. Now the weekend comes and I still have that urge to call somebody but I have nobody to call??

[Mines a black coffee]

Don't worry, the work situation is a pain if everyone is older than you, but you just need to find that one person and he/she'll introduce you to their friends, and then theirs will do the same (can you see a pattern), and before you know it you'll wake up one morning with a gorgeous women next to you. Chin up chief, you'll get there.

[makaw]

Congratulations on taking control of your life. It sounds as though the crowd you hung out with are going nowhere. You have taken charge of your life and trying to move up. You should feel proud of yourself.

 

The weekends ARE very hard, I know. I have found the best way to get through the weekend is to be VERY busy. Do something constructive instead of just sit around or think about drinking and partying. Find a hobby you would like to pursue. Volunteer. There are many places around that desperately need volunteers to help out. Go to church. I personally am not much on the religion thing, but the very act of going to church not only fills the time, but allows you another opportunity to meet people. Who knows, maybe the RIGHT person.

 

I also want to suggest something that someone suggested to me on this site. Go to the bookstore (Barnes&Noble, etc) and buy a latte and read self-improvement books or anything for that matter. Reading helps pass the time but also provided me with some real good insight into myself and what I need to be happy, both alone and in a relationship. Schedule time every weekend to go and learn.

 

Take some classes at the university or community college. Learn a craft. Try to find some way to fill your time with something constructive. It really DOES help.

 

I also suggest you try to cut back on the emails to your ex. You probably feel as though she's the only "friend" you have right now, but believe me, the relationship is not helping you move on with your life. No contact really is the best way to move on.

 

I hope I've given you some ideas of ways to make those weekends something to look forward to instead of something to dread. I've been there. These things have helped me. My weekends are VERY busy now.

 

Good luck and hang in there. It WILL get better.

[Ingrid]

Join a canoing club, a riding club, take golf courses, tennis. Take an art course. Municipalities offer different types of courses for adults. Take salsa lessons (although be careful with Latino girls, they can be manipulative). There are so many things you can do ...

 

Avoid meeting bad friends who drink too much, take pot etc. Most human beings end up imitating their friends ...

 

Good luck!