I want to break NC so bad. :(

[icyness]

I know he won't talk to me, so it's useless. I haven't broke it in a couple of weeks now, but I keep thinking I want to say something to get him to answer me, which is stupid because he won't.

 

How can I get past any of it? It's been almost 2 months and I still don't buy there is not someone else; I just want to know if that's why he left me.

Why the hell else would he flat out refuse to even speak to me otherwise? None of it makes sense.

 

I want something out of him, anything. I know I'm only in control of me, but every time I think about it (which is all the time) I feel completely out of control. I want answers; I want to email him and go off. I'm barely keeping myself from contacting him at this point.

Why can't I just stop it.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Hey -

 

I understand how you feel- its hard when you feel like you have no closure... but the bottom line is you do have closure.. and that is that the relationship is over.

 

Its hard to face.. and it hurts like heck... but the only way to heal and move on is to know that attempting to get answers to questions from someone who is not going to answer those questions is not going to get us anywhere. I strongly doubt that you would walk away with all of your questions answered and feeling like you have closure- any conversation of "why" at this point is just going to open you up to even more questions.. more thinking and not knowing- you will never have the answer you are looking for.

 

The best thing you can do is tell yourself its not important to know why - it isn't going to change anything except prolong your healing- and the longer it takes you to heal the longer it will be before the next cutie comes into your life. =)

[loulee]

Change your focus..this is hard to do but very achievable. The mind is very powerful. you have not had closure..You can stop thinking about it..IF you replace your thoughts through being active and doing other things. If he is seeing someone else how will you feel? better or worse or just the same but with more visual and negative thoughts..if you are texting him and I presume you are (2weeks ago?) then stop..how do you feel after he ignores them? Start with one thing at a time that makes you happy for just YOU..exercise, read, join the gym, get out with friends, go for a walk, get a new haircut, clothes .etc etc.. Do some "feel good things" to help you stop obsessing over him. When you get overwhelmed write it all down and reread it a few days later...your thoughts and feelings will change.make a list of your goals and dreams even if it is for just one week at a time.Ensure that you follow through on one thing everyday no matter how small..it does help..take tiny steps..they add up over time..reward yourself every week that you do not contact him When the urge gets too much ring a friend and make her tell you 10 good reasons why you shouldnt and vent.!. the moment will pass and you will feel better not worse that you overcame it.. give it some time..you dont need reasons from him over your break up to get happy again..you can do this on your own. and once you really start to believe in that...then it will start to happen for you..good luck and remember just one day at a time..

[allgood]

stay strong girl!!!! talk to your friends about it and theyll tell u not to contact him!!! do it now!!!

i feel like breaking nc too but in the end i know its nothing filled with setbacks and pain. You should only break nc once you've forgiven him, through email and only if you u broke up in bad terms and want to end it on god terms which ends as "pls dont reply to this email, and i know we cant be friends cause its all lip service when exs say they can be friends, all the best."

 

stay strong girl!!!

[sarahN]

I hate to say it but there probably is someone else. Guys are just as needy and clingy as girls... if not more. So he obviously has something else occupying his mind and it's not you. Not that it's easy, but realize you deserve someone that wants you. I'm recently single and there are SOOO many guys out there willing and ready to date and commit. It's rather remarkable. Take time to heal, let it go, then move on. You'll be so happy you did! I am.

[icyness]

Thanks you guys. Posting and getting feedback always helps to take the edge off and stop me from messing up; y'all are great.

 

There have been a few days where I do feel alright. Last week I actually felt like me again and didn't think too much of him. Then out of no where it hit me like a ton of bricks and I've gotten so depressed and upset all over again.

I keep feeling I progress a little only to go back twice as much.

I know doing things to focus on me is the answer, and they definitely do help..getting there seems to be the tough part. I let my mind and emotions play too much of a part and end up being completely unmotivated.

I am trying though, one day at a time.

 

Sarah, as much as I'm scared of it, there probably is someone else. People keep telling me it really won't make me feel any better to know there is; I know in my heart it wouldn't either, yet I keep telling myself it'd help to justify my anger and his actions when leaving me.

I'd finally have something, I'd have an answer; I'm so tired of feeling clueless. I feel like no matter how much progress I make, I'm always going to have a void because of him, I'm always going to wonder.

[allgood]

if u want to control ur emotions and thoughts more i'm reading this book called "when everything changes, change everything". it has helped me alot about controlling my emotions and looking at things with a different angle. With this book, exercise, going out, god, soul searching and awesome friends i have healed so much just after 2 months after being dumped.

 

i recommend this book for you!!! itll help u become stronger!!

 

all the best and by not contacting him every single day - your taking back control of your life.

 

All the best!!! you deserve someone better!! and your strong cause your still here living your life!!!

[mad rabbits]

Hey icyness, I've been following your posts and I understand how you feel...I too wondered if there was someone else, and this was the reason for changes in his behaviour towards me in the final six weeks or so. I just knew something was off.

 

We were long distance too - and that's another thing, when the other person is so far away, you really just don't know what's going on with them. Your mind fills in the blanks. My ex was going through a serious professional and financial crisis. So I tell myself that he couldn't possibly have taken up a new relationship under those circumstances, but I could be wrong. The way he just lost interest in me didn't seem to add up.

 

I handled the break up rather differently to you, in that as soon as I knew it was over one way or another - whatever the reason - I blocked off all his means of contacting me. Deleted and blocked him off my social networks and blocked his email addresses. So he could have emailed me and I'll never know. The reason I did that was partly because I was so angry at how he treated me. The other reason was because I was absolutely adamant that if there wasn't someone else, I didn't want to know. I have been through that before, and I never want to go through it again.

 

So be careful what you wish for. I don't think finding out will make things any better for you. If it will, then why not just go ahead and assume he is with someone else now. It all boils down to the same thing - it is over. That being so, who he is with and what he is doing is not your concern.

 

Finding out they left you for someone else changes the history of the relationship. To me, it made me think they never loved me in the first place. It prolonged the pain. IF you need to find out in order to close the door, so be it. But I don't think you need to. And it could be very painful for you. Try and find another way to close the door.

[BriarRose]

Icyness, you don't want to break NC. I did (see few threads below) and feel like utter crap. Listen, learning if he left you for someone else will not bring you closure. I was in a LDR and he left me for someone else shortly before I was supposed to move in with him. It did not help to learn about her. It made it worse.

[coolchick64]

I ran into my ex and his new gf two weeks after we broke up. And I did go off on him via email. He wanted to see me next day but wouldn't really admit to it being a new "relationship". Just wanted to assure me that the "sex didn't overlap" so there was no cheating. Charming, huh?

 

I agree with Miss Kitty---knowing he moved on so quickly has been excruciating. But in a way I'm glad I ran into them, because it did help me let go. I don't sit around wondering if he misses me, for example.

 

The main point for you, though, is that my ex never would've admitted it if I'd just called him up and asked him. He barely admitted it after I caught him! So, I don't think you can ever know the answer to that question, even if you ask it. And if you got that one answered, you'd have a million more. If it helps you let go, I'd say go ahead and assume he has moved on. But no matter what, there's nothing to be gained from contacting him. Closure is an illusion. If it exists at all, it comes from within.

 

Hang tough, icy

[JonasWaingaro]

Hang in there Icy! You know I found out mine was with someone else, if not before break-up then right after. Knowing didn't help at all. Set me back and opened a million new questions I'm still dealing with. I got no closure.

 

Having said that, you know I'm sitting on an email. So I can't talk! Just really consider what you want to say and how you would react to something you don't want to hear. Or...not hearing back at all. We both have been getting that for a while. We all want simple honesty. I'm not sure why they have such a problem with that. After everything they owe us that much. I don't buy they can do what they want. Yes, they have free will but treating people poorly is wrong. Anyhoo, hold out for a good day! Then think about it.

 

*hugs*

[getting_on_ok]

I am in a situation were my ex broke up with me, now I'm hearing through a mutual friend that she really loves me and misses me and is depressed. I keep telling that friend if she really does then she would contact me. Sometimes I think I should be the man and go after her. I am really confused right now.

[icyness]

Thanks so much all; it's basically because of you guys that I did not/am not breaking NC. God it's tough, but you're all right. If I have to fight myself on it every minute, I won't do it..it's no good in the end. xo