Jump to content

Talking behind others' backs: just accept it?


virginiasmith

Recommended Posts

I have never had close friends who didn't talk behind each others' backs and leak secrets. Is this just something that is going to happen? Something that should just be accepted? I mean, if I ditched every friend who ever spoke badly about me behind my back, I would be friendless. I couldn't be the only one in this position, could I?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have never had close friends who didn't talk behind each others' backs and leak secrets. Is this just something that is going to happen? Something that should just be accepted? I mean, if I ditched every friend who ever spoke badly about me behind my back, I would be friendless. I couldn't be the only one in this position, could I?

 

 

In my experience I have seen this happen many times, even between the so called *best friends* Its annoying to see but I think most of us are gulity of doing it at least once anyways. I know I have before when a friend would make me mad.

 

I have never had many friends though anyways... Some people are really genuine and DO NOT talk behind their friends back and they do keep secrets...

 

To be honest I would say accept it. I have yet to see a person who has not at least once talked behind another friends back or told a secret... I have been through it so you are not alone, and I see it daily. Plus I also have leaked a few secrets before and have been the backstabbing jerk I will admit it. Like I said though I do not have many friends anyways. And I have been betrayed and hurt more than enough to know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think it's necessarily insecurity. And anyway, I don't think a person's insecurity should prevent them from having friends. Can you honestly say you and your friends have never done this?

 

Guilty as charged. If you're human, you've done it. But there's a fine line between venting and trash-talking. The motives are different.

 

There are those who just have the inclination to talk nasty about people behind others backs for the sake of being downright mean or building themselves up to appear better or cooler. These people, yes, I would call insecure.

 

I've seen some really great people have people turn on them because of nasty rumors spreading from a friend's friend's friend. If you have bad blood with someone, go to the person, there's no need to share it everyone else and their mother.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really don't have the energy and tolerance for that sort of thing. Not down right talking behind my back as my friend. That is not what I consider a friend. That person would be dropped down to casual acquaintance - who I'd have an eye on from there on out, and who I'd be much more careful about what was said around them.

 

Life is too short for that. I'd rather have the few close, trust worthy friends than the gaggle of gossipers.

 

It's one of those trust issues. If you can't trust someone, where's the relationship. And I don't trust someone who can't tell me to my face what is eating at them or what they think of me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are those who just have the inclination to talk nasty about people behind others backs for the sake of being downright mean or building themselves up to appear better or cooler. These people, yes, I would call insecure.
Okay, I guess in my original post I was referring more to people who just gossip mindlessly. However, I think that regardless of one's motives, people can end up being equally hurt.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've actually experienced it mostly with really close friends and not with distant friends. I wonder if this is the case for most?

 

Not me. Like I said tho, my tolerance is real low on this point. Friends have been dropped to casual after one minor betrayal. Kinda harsh maybe, but c'est la vie. Thin the herd fast.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, I guess in my original post I was referring more to people who just gossip mindlessly. However, I think that regardless of one's motives, people can end up being equally hurt.

 

It depends. See, I don't mind if a friend's a little upset with me and goes to another close friend to say "Hey, I'm kind of annoyed right now and this is why..." The key is saying it as objectively as possible with the motive to gain perspective and advice. Kinda like what happens here at enotalone. This isn't trash talk, but we are, essentially, talking about other people. We're gaining perspective on situations that may be involving others.

 

Now if the motives are to make someone look bad, be hurtful, feel superior...BAD. This I have a huge problem with. This is when venting becomes trash talk, naughty gossip.

 

It's a really fine line. It's important to not let it get out of control and knowing when to say, "this just isn't right."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What does back biting really include, other than bashing or insulting the person? I mean, if you're in some conversation and you're criticizing someone like how unprofessional the guy is at his job, etc. is that considered back biting?

 

I know some people really talk out of malice, but I just want to form a constructive argument, how to make better in dealing with the person, or how to approach a person with his problems.

 

I stop dealing with anyone talks out of malice though. Bad people to be around with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Like others who have responded, I have very little tolerance for this kind of thing. One thing I've realized is that it's really hard to gossip with someone who won't repeat the gossip. So I've noticed that friends don't talk about others around me as much as they used to (or would with other people) because they don't get the satisfaction of my response.

 

Also, calling people out when they're talking about someone behind their back usually stops them in their tracks. I don't do it in mean way, just very matter-of-fact. If a friend talks about hanging out with someone they were badmouthing just days before, i might ask something like "Why are you hanging out with her if you don't like her?" It either evolves into a genuine conversation, or gets the point accross that I don't want to hear any more about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...