well, the INEVITABLE just happened today

[mick8888]

Yep ... just talked to my ex-girlfriend today (we talk about once a week or so) and she revealed that she slept with an ex of hers (the guy she dated for a few months right before me) at the end of February.

 

For background, we were together for three years, lived together for 2.5, she was the one who broke up with me, and then she moved out in January, point being that we were exceptionally close for a long time and the breakup is still pretty fresh and painful to me.

 

She explained to me that both she and this guy were really drunk, it lasted for about a minute, she told him to leave afterwards, and she felt like she wanted to puke when he was gone, and knew that what she'd done was self-destructive. Still, hearing about it basically shoved a knife in my heart. There was never anything close to infidelity during our relationship, so this is really the first time I'm confronting the idea that she's slept with someone else since me. I know that we're not together anymore, that it's her life and she can do what she pleases and it's not my business, but it hurts like hell and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'm not at a point where I want to go out and be with someone else (for one thing, my esteem is kinda in the gutter at the moment), and obviously I still have strong feelings for her ... even though it was, as she put it, completely meaningless and wrong sex, I still can't even think about her being intimate with someone else.

 

Can anyone possibly tell me how to deal with this, to get all of this out of my head? I know that she probably shouldn't have told me, she volunteered it (I didn't ask) but to be honest I had my suspicions because she had mentioned that she had hung out with this guy once or twice, and you know how it is when exes come back into the picture -- there's that comfort-factor that lends itself to sex ... but regardless, I'm having trouble with this one, hurting kinda bad, and anything anyone can suggest would really be appreciated.

 

Thanks!!

[Lone Dragon]

Mick,

 

Personally, I'd do something to keep these ugly thoughts out of my head. Read a book, rent a funny movie. Normally I'd find movies that are so damm boring that it puts me to sleep.

 

Avoid having a freetime that keeps you thinking about these thoughts.

[Hopingpraying]

Mick,

 

The only advice I can give you, is if you love this woman and would like to eventually have a relationship with her again you cannot hold it against her for moving on. I know my wife (soon to be EX) had an affair while we were still married. I love her though and want so much for us to get back together. I have forgiven her for that. I don't have a choice. You just have to forgive her in your heart. No matter what girl you eventually settle down with they will more than likely of had other sex partners. Try to look at it that way.

I think men tend to look at woman as property and once they have been violated by another man they are not worthly to be their property anymore. We have to give that up or we will never be happy.

 

Eventually you will move on, it will get easier with each passing day you have to know this to be true. To keep your mind off of her will be hard but with each passing day it will get easier.

 

Good luck!!

[mick8888]

i don't look at her as property at ALL ...i realize she's single and she's allowed to do what she wants, all i'm saying is that the knowledge of that stuff hurts and i wonder how people are able to deal with it or let it go?