Weird feelings after 2 1/2 yrs NC break-up

[tomtommyboy]

I broke up with the ex about 2 1/2 years ago. Recently I've been having a lot of dreams about her, really intense ones, every night for a couple of weeks.

 

She was my only long relationship; I haven't had anything long-lasting since. I'm over any heartbreak (after this long, obviously!) but she's still a sort of benchmark for me. It's still an open issue; it doesn't feel done and dusted. I still wonder when I'm going to see her again, not if. And I'm fascinated by what she thinks of our relationship now, if she still thinks of me at all, those sort of thoughts.

 

Is this simply because I haven't had a relationship since? Or was she really special? Is there any point thinking about getting in touch again even? (I can't imagine how I'd even approach that, but still...)

[lostandunhappy]

Was you the dumper? How Long was you together? Was the breakup ugly?

 

If it was a long loving relationship then she will still think of you, if there was no abuse or cheating with real love she probably thinks fondly of you.

 

Only you can say if she was really that special to you. If you want to reach out to her and see if there is anything there then go for it. Don't e-mail or text thou its too impersonal, phone her if you dont know her number a letter. Im sure you have details of her relatives somewhere that you could send it to.

 

You only get one life and if you want something you gotta be ballsy enough to try go and get it.

[tomtommyboy]

She dumped me, very painfully. It was ugly. Like, me begging her back, her (in retrospect having to) becoming cold and unpleasant. But nothing unforgivable, and no cheating, no (although she moved on very quickly). She also sent me a birthday email about 5 months after we broke up and I didn't reply.

 

Yes you only live once. But I can't help feeling a dumpee contacting their ex after so long could seem pretty weak. I think the problem here isn't whether to contact her or not, but why can't I seem to get over it after so long?

 

EDIT: the relationship was 18 months. Not hugely long, but not short either. And it was serious, although she was pretty young (20 when we split up).

[lostandunhappy]

If you tried contacting her what would you have to lose?

 

You have obviously healed over the relationship breakup so I assume which ever way it went you'd be cool.

 

If you tried and nothing came of it at least then you can put that part of your life behind you and move forward.

 

I was you about 10 years ago and reached out, we did get back together but she had changed from what I remembered and it didn't last very long. But I could finally leave that part of my life behind me.

 

Only you can make this decision, but I strongly believe in you only have one life so why have any regrets about living it.

[tomtommyboy]

I hear you, and thanks for your thoughts. But what do I have to lose? How about my dignity! I'm the spurned ex, I shouldn't be crawling back to her to see if she's deigned to change her mind, surely?

 

I'm being a little devil's advocate; I'm not really that proud. But you must see where I'm coming from here. When you say you were in the same position, was it really as someone who'd been dumped, and after this long with NC?!

[lostandunhappy]

I was dumped yes and it had been about 18 months NC. I was over the relationship and had started having thoughts about her again, which was having an effect on the relationship I was in.

 

I knew this couldn't keep going on I knew I had to finish with the girl I was seeing (which was hard because she was a great girl just not right for me). I just had to do it, I had a feeling in my gut that if I didn't I might end up regretting it one day.

 

Like I said only you can make this decision. I'm not too proud when I want something I go and try my damned hardest to get it. If my pride got hurt and ego a little bruised then so be it, I was prepared for that.

 

You have to do whats right for you and only you know whats right for you.

[Honey610]

Recently, my ex and I have become friends and though we have not reconciled at this point (there is always the possibility), we were able to discuss our break up in depth. One of the things I asked him was, if I didn't contact him would he have contacted me first? And he said he wouldn't have. He said because he broke up with me and he knew I was upset about it, that it wouldn't have been fair for him to call me up and expect me to talk to him. Needless to say, I ended up calling him 3.5 months after the break up and yesterday was the first time we hung out and it was great. We're friends and though we may or may not reconcile, I'm just happy to have him back in my life.

 

So hope that gives you some insight

[tomtommyboy]

Thanks for your thoughts Honey610 - but this is a very different situation. In fact she did contact me 4-5 months after the split and I ignored it, and she hasn't tried since, in part because I imagine that stung a bit. Plus this is 2 1/2 years now, that's a LONG time...

 

I'm over the pain of the split, but I feel like I still haven't moved on properly, that's the problem.