He said he would change, but months later nothing's happend!

[mskc0511]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and for the past few months he and I have been going thourgh a hard time. We only see each other on the weekends because we go to different schools. The majority of the communication in our relationship is over the phone because we dont see each other. Lately I have been going through a hard time and I have needed his support. Anytime I say whats bothering me he usually doesnt say anything. The onlytime he tries to help me out is when he is with me face to face. He doesnt know why he does that, I think the affect is greater when he actually sees me crying. I asked hm months ago to try to act that way over the phone, nicer, more easy to talk to, like he is listening. However, nothing has changed. Its pointless for me to confide in him when he deosnt say or do anything.

 

Does he have a problem or is it me?

What should I say to him? Is this worth going on a break?

 

 

Thanks

[Dawn222]

I totally know how you feel. But men have trouble dealing with expressing feelings and talking about womens problems. It seems as though they rather just clam up and not say anything for the fear that they may say something wrong to upset you even more. The fact that he listens and may say things like "don't worry so much" or what seems to be that he just doesn't care about you, probably isn't the case. He may just not be the right one to be looking to for support. That is why girfriends are so important. Women know how to support and don't feel uncomfortable with problems. Men don't talk or express how they feel when they have problems, they go off and be by themselves to sort it out. Then they are okay again. One thing to remember is that men and women deal with problems differently. definitely let him know how you feel, but it may help minimize the hurt you are feeling if you understand that it isn't easy for men. I still get hurt when my guy does this to me, but it just helps to know that it is not because he doesn't love you or doesn't care about you, it may just be because he doesn't have the skills to discuss and give you the support you need.

 

Lots of luck.

[sera_michele]

Men dont really use the phone like women...

 

If he is the type of guy who doesnt really care to talk on the phone, you cant really ask him to change his personality.

 

But what i really want to say to you (i learned this myself recently) you cant rely on anyone but yourself to make you feel better. If you are going through some diffucult times and needs some help, i suggest you see a therapist or counselor about your issues...as much as your bf may want to make you feel better, you have to be the one responsible for your happiness.

 

And it isnt pointless to confide in him, although he may not know what to do to make you feel better, it always helps to at least get it out of your system...

 

Please consider my advice, as i have been through a similar situation.