Ex has been wanting to get back together then she sends this

[JSHRN]

Hi Everyone.

 

Hope everyone is doing well. I haven't been on in several months (various issues in life) but it's good to be back.

 

After breaking up last fall, my ex and I went our separate ways. Inevitably, after a few weeks, she would call to "say hello." and we would hang out. Although I never got a reason from her as to why she dumped me, I always felt that I deserved an explanation. It wouldn't change things, I know, but it would have given me some peace of mind. To make a long story short, she called me at work last week and said we "needed to talk." I was surprised! She had been telling friends of ours that she was looking on getting back together and wanted to see how receptive I was. For anyone who remembers my situation last fall this was a toxic relationship.

 

We went for coffee and talked for a few hours. She graduates May 14 and said the whole "single life/doing her own thing" is getting old. She doesn't always say what's on her mind and I was always puzzled by the way she felt towards me. After I received an e-mail from her today, everything is clear!

 

I would appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you.

 

 

FYI - Regarding your letter....

 

**All you said was that "no matter what happens between you and I, I'll always have you friendship." Is that what this whole thing means to you? A friendship? I don't know how you perceive this....**

 

Well, I meant what I said. Yes, I only want a friendship. How do I perceive this? I want to be your friend and nothing more.

 

**I wish you could express yourself verbally but understand the need to put your words on paper. I still don't understand what you want from me.**

 

Express myself?? I HAVE! Here are my feelings in black and white for you as well. You still don't understand what I want from you? I have told you many times...I wish YOU could learn to HEAR what I am saying to you. You just don't hear what you don't like. I DON'T want a relationship, I want a FRIENDSHIP.

 

**A recurring word from you during our talk last week at the donut shop was "friend". Is that what you want from me?**

 

Again. I've said it many times...and it was a recurring word during our talk. Do you see a theme here? Why do you keep asking me the same question but then ignore my answer to you? Accept it, hear it, believe it......I wanted a FRIENDSHIP from you.

 

**School is the most important thing in your life right now. Focus on school, graduation and passing boards. But, you need to also focus on what you want from me. I'm not here to be "just your friend." I've made it very clear that I want more than that.**

 

You are a very selfish person Jim. Do you understand what you are saying to me? You know that school is the most important thing in my life and that I have 42 days left. BUT focus on you. That is not my focus right now...although you are forcing it my focus because you are relentlessly looking for the answer YOU WANT from me. Not the answer I am GIVING you. You've made it very clear that you want more, but I have made it very clear (if not before, I'm doing it now) that I DO NOT. I cannot focus on school, etc... if you continue to hound me for the right answer. Besides you are not going to get it no matter how hard you try. It's a moot point.

 

**I want to make love to you. I want to do travel nursing with you. But, you have given me no sign that what you wanted with me back in the fall of 2003 is what you want now.**

 

Listen, I have said that I just want a friendship with you. WHY are you looking for signs that I want more than that. You won't find them and you are just torturing YOURSELF.

 

**I would be very surprised(and extremely disappointed) if you decided not to pursue a relationship with me. I am not here to be "just your friend". That's not what I want.**

 

Again you are very selfish. I have said SEVERAL times that I don't want a relationship-what's to be surprised about????? As I said before, you don't seem to hear me. I honeslty don't care that you are not here to be my friend...and the fact that it's not what you want. I can't make myself be with you when that is not what I want!! If you don't want to be my friend then we have NOTHING. I really didn't want to loose you as a FRIEND but if you cannot except what I am TELLING you then we can't continue to talk to each other.

 

**If I'm so different as you say, why do you continue to avoid spending time with me?**

 

Um, because you can't just be my FRIEND. Everytime we have contact with each other you continue to haunt me with the letters, emails, questions. It's not very fun to have to deal with that, especially now with all the shit going on with school. That is why I avoid spending time with you Jim.

 

**I understand the need for you to do your own thing but I keep going back to last fall**

 

I am truly sorry that things happened the way they did, but it just wasn't the right thing for me and forcing something that isn't the right thing ends up sour in the end anyway. Besides the past is the past for a reason, it's not healthy to live in the past because the future will pass you by (including the chance to have a great FRIENDSHIP together)

 

**I wish you would re-read all of the emails and letters I have sent you**

 

First of all, I HAVE read them. Reading them TWICE isn't going to make a difference. The emails and letters need to STOP. I hate to be mean, but all of them are all the same selfish repetitive stuff. All the emails/letters have been more of a hinderance rather than a help. It's aggrivating when you tell someone something and they blantantly IGNORE it and continue to try to change your mind. You aren't going to change my mind...

 

**This is simply not productive to either one of us**

 

I TOTALLY agree with you here. It's not!! So either you accept the situation and remain my friend or not accept the situation and leave me alone. Don't you see that I have made it clear to you what I want, and you won't accept it nor will you even hear me...you continue to drag this on and you are killing yourself by doing it and aggrivating me.

 

**I am trying to be calm and collected and you are not helping my stress and anxiety level**

 

I cannot believe how selfish you are. Do you think that you pushing the issue here is doing anything for MY stress/anxiety having to constantly deal with this? I am so sorry to put you out here, but as I see it, the only way to "calm" you down is to say what you want to hear, and that is not going to happen.

 

**counseling as a couple**

 

You have mentioned this twice now. This is just plain unreasonable. First, we aren't a couple, second...you say it will help us better relate to one another...there is no relation problems here!! There is only a one way communication barrier, you don't accept what I say to you so you act as if I haven't told you how I feel.

 

**All I know is that his is making us both crazy and miserable.**

 

You are so right. But "this" is being created by you. It's making you crazy and miserable because you won't accept things the way they are. It's making me crazy and miserable because you continue harp on it.

 

**Once again, I am not trying to jeopardize the last few weeks of school for you.**

 

Ahhhh, but you are Jim. You say you understand, but I really don't think you do. If you did and you really didn't want to jeopardize the last few weeks, you wouldn't continue to push the issue.

 

**I really have no idea what your plans are for getting involved again**

 

Please...understand me. I don't want to get involved. I don't know how many times I have to say it. You just don't want to HEAR it. It is really frustrating when I have CLEARLY said that I only want a FRIENDSHIP and you keep saying that you have NO IDEA what I want, what my plans are, etc...It's ridiculous. Here is what my plans are in black and white.....I ONLY WANT A FRIENDSHIP. If that is not what you want and you can't do that, then we can't talk anymore. I am sorry that I have to say it so point blank, but you need to understand it, and maybe if I say it this way you will.

 

**Once again, Allie, that's not what I want from you**

 

Once again, Jim, what YOU want is not all there is in life. I completely understand what you want, there is no question there. But my question to you is do you get what I want????????

 

**You haven't given me any indication that you're stil interested in me, other than as a friend**

 

Once again. NO I did NOT give you any indication, because there is NOTHING to indicate to you...why don't you get it?????????

 

**Stay focused with school. But, also think about what you're doing with you and I. With all of this uncertainty from you I am ready to walk away from everything.**

 

UNCERTAINTY???? where??? I TOLD you EXACTLY how I felt and what I wanted. Think about this, is there UNCERTAINTY??

Focus on school? You won't let me!!

Walk away....well, Jim, maybe it's for the best. You are not going to accept a friendship, and that is ALL I want. I also don't want the type of friendship where I have to constantly remind you that it's ALL I want. Please do not send me any more letters concerning this. It will not change anything and you will make things very stressful for the both of us.

Take care.

 

 

Quite the novel, isn't it? But, after reading it it's obvious she didn't write it. It's not the way she speaks or the way she writes. In any event, it really is a moot point between the two of us. I was played by her last fall and now the door is finally closed on this part of my life.

 

I moved on a few months but had some hope that maybe we could rekindle what we had last summer and fall. Unfortunatel, that's not going to happen.

 

Any thought?

[From_Now_On]

Please reread this standing in her shoes. Perhaps you might understand. She did not want to be mean, but you left her no choice. She obviously wanted to be your friend and thought you a good enough person to be worth the trouble of explaining this to several times. Perhaps things would have went differently if you would have sincerely considered things from her perspective. However now it is too late. She needed some space and time to finish school and line up her priorities. When you pressed her you only stressed her out. She clearly stated how she felt and you choose to not accept that as an answer. She could not have been any more clear. Now you have lost the opportunity of staying friends. Perhaps she will forgive you if you ever realize what what happened and apologize. Although, I highly doubt she would ever take you back as anything more than a friend and if she did take you back as a friend and you harassed her like this, it would turn out horrible again.

 

I sincerely hope that you take a step back and look at what truly went wrong. I did not post this to be a jerk, I honestly wanted to help you out. Please review the situation.

[Apoc220]

... For anyone who remembers my situation last fall this was a toxic relationship....

 

... I was played by her last fall and now the door is finally closed on this part of my life...

 

... I moved on a few months but had some hope that maybe we could rekindle what we had last summer and fall. Unfortunatel, that's not going to happen....

 

Bro, look at these three sentences from your post and its clear that you know what has gotta be done in this situation but you just dont seem to execute it.

 

You said it yourself, that this girl and yourself had a toxic relationship. What makes you think it wont be the same the second time? She played you last fall and you wanna let her do it again? Its obvious that you have NOT moved on, or else you would have left this situation rest and settle with being her friend. This girl isn't worth your time and effort as far as relationships go. Do yourself and her a favor, and just move on with your life. This girl has hurt you before, and you're leaving the door open for her to do it again. Any chance that you had with getting back with her has diminished anyway, and heres why.

By you writing that e-mail to her, you might as well have bought a billboard with your picture in front of her house saying in big bright red letters "I NEED YOUR ATTENTION AND I NEED YOUR LOVE". By you making it clear to her that you NEED her, she has one up on you. NEEDINESS = CLINGINESS. And girls dont like clingy. You messed up bro, but fate works in mysterious ways. Its for the better as I see it, you need to focus on making yourself the best person you can, so that when ms. right comes strolling along, you'll be ready. This girl ain't worth a dime of your attention other than friendship. Don't seek anything more, because you're gonna most likely get hurt. Take care of yourself man.

[dikaia880]

What made you think she wanted to get back together in the first place?

Sorry about this all, but the best thing for you to do is forget her...she says she wants to be friends, but honestly her replies seem like she's saying it to be nice...If she played you why would you want her anyways?