WOW!! How Weird!

[nagol818]

See if any of you can help me figure out what this conversation means that I had with my ex who I want to get back in my life.

 

A little background first:

 

"Jerry" and I dated a year and a half and had a very, very bad breakup back at the beginning of December. And, of course, I did all the crazy stuff so now he thinks I'm psycho. I have a 11 yr old daughter I'll call Kimmy that he just absolutely loved. It's the first time he ever dated someone with a child. He left me for someone else but apparently things aren't so great in paradise. He's the type of person who will give the relationship his "all" so I don't see it being over yet HOWEVER he did move out of her apartment after only living there for 4 months.....3 miles away from her though(I am 100 miles away from him now). Things seem quite bad for him. He is severely depressed due to circumstances probably partially with her but other things too...LOTS of other things...so I don't know if this was a good time for first contact or not....January 22 was the last time I talked to him before now. I ran into him at a hotel far away from where either of us live. After the initial shock of seeing him wore off, he was full of apologies for the way he treated me. I ended up staying the night in his room. He subtly suggested and I jumped at staying.

 

This is where I get confused. Our conversation became a game once we were more comfortable and in bed, before and after sex. Here is some of it. Tell me if you can figure any of this out. It was hard to "remember the good times and laugh" because he was in such severe depression. He barely laughed or even smiled all night.

 

 

Me: I never thought I would see you again. Didn't you think the

same thing?

Him No actually(He may have thought I was going to stalk him)

Me This is like fate! Do you believe in fate?

Him Yes. I will never forget the way we met.

Me Oh I know! That was fate too. You can add this one to the list.

 

 

 

Me: Remember when you said to me that you were the best thing

that ever happened to me? Well you were right. You were.

Him Someone who was the best thing that ever happened to you

wouldn't say something like that.

Me You were being arrogant no doubt.

Him I'm sorry I was such a jerk.

 

 

Him: I'm glad to see that you are doing great.

Me I'm not GREAAAAT. I'm doing a lot better though. My job is

going really well and I feel better about myself since I lost the

20lbs that I did.

 

Me You've changed. You seem unamused by stupid shit. More

outwardly about feelings and less selfish about yours.

Him You seem to have changed too. More mature.

 

 

Me Kimmy is going to be away all of June. What am I going to do

a whole month without her?(rhetorical question)

Him How is she?

Me She's good. Do you ever think about her?

Him All the time

 

 

Him I am so sorry for saying such cruel things to you when we

would fight.

Me I know you didn't mean it. I took it all with a grain of salt.

Him Yeah I guess it was all out of anger. We can both be hot

heads.

 

 

Me How long have you been here in WP?

Him For some reason I couldn't find a hotel in NYC this week so I

came up on Friday instead of Saturday.

Me I was here last night! You mean you were here last night too?

Him In my room(which is strange for him Mr social that he can be)

So that WAS your car I saw today when we were getting back

from work???!! I always get yours and another mixed up.

Me Yeah I guess it was then.

 

 

 

Me (We were talking about something concerning his situation) I

care about you

Him I want you to be happy!

 

 

Me Did you get rid of everything having to do with me?

Him No I have the stuff in my blue trunk.

Me Blue trunk? I deleted all pictures of us except one.

Him I was just looking at pictures of us the other day(I found out a

few days later that the reason he was looking at pictures of us

is because he used one for his room mates ad when he was

trying to move out of chickies place)

 

 

Me I dated someone for about a month

Him What happened?

Me I don't know. I always found myself comparing him

to you.

Him Silence

 

 

Him I gotta get outta there!!(Talking about chickies place)

Me You just moved in.

Him I know

Me Is this the girl whose door I knocked on?

Him Yeah! She's a nutcase(he used to say that about me when he

was mad at me too)

Me Why

Him She's going to throw my stuff out!!

Me Well if you ever want to talk just call me.

Me Where is all of your stuff/furniture?

Him

Me Storage(letting him off the hook because really he threw it all

away but he doesn't know that I know this)

Him Yeah, some of it but my clothes and stuff

 

 

Me I know once I get back home and get situated all of my

feelings for you are going to come rushing back

Him You can call me!

 

 

Him You are wearing the earrings I bought you

Me Yeah I know. If I would have known that I was going to run

into you I wouldn't have worn them. Just kidding. I

like them so I wear them.

Him I'm glad you like them.

 

Me Hey, why don't you stay another night? I wasn't planning on it

but I DID make arrangement for Kimmy already because I

wasn't sure if I would have to stay another day or not for work.

Him (A look that said, "that's an idea." Lightbulb kind of look.)

Well…..my one guy is leaving tomorrow and I was going to

catch a ride with him(because he totaled his car 3 weeks ago)

but the other isn't leaving until Wednesday. I was planning

on packing tomorrow night (Tuesday). I have off on

Wednesday and was going to move then. I still have to rent

a truck and then there is getting a hotel. I'll have to see. I'll

let you know. What time will you be working until?

Me Around 3pm

Him Me too. We were planning on cutting out early. I'll let you

know if I can swing it or not.

Me Ok. I would love you to stay but if you can't I understand.

Him Thank you.

 

Me Where is all of your money? You make good money.

Him >sigh>

Me Well I guess you don't for living in NYC(the place I live is dirt

cheap)

 

 

Him You are right, we DO kiss alike

Me I know! I've always said that to you. It's so comfortable to

kiss you. So easy.

Him I know what you mean.

 

 

Him There's one thing I've learned through all of this….money does

NOT buy happiness!(I think chickie makes good money)

Me NO IT DOESN'T!! You didn't know that??

Him Well no.

 

One thing he kept saying throughout the night about 5 times and sometimes out of the blue that I didn't get was, "I don't like to hurt people." WHO?? Me? Chickie? Kimmy? Who????????

 

I filled him with compliments all night that I used to when we were together as bf and gf. He said some to me too. We also kept doing little things that we used to do when we were bf/gf and we cuddled up our usual way when we were going to sleep.

 

 

The next morning as I'm leaving his room to get ready:

 

Him Can I get your number? Do you mind?

Me No, not at all.

Him (He put it in his phone on the spot) Do you have mine?

Me Yeah I think it's in my phone.

Him I'm going to be thinking about running into each other like this

all day.

 

 

The plan was that I would call him at 3pm and he would let me know if he could stay or not. He had to practically push me out of his hotel room though because I didn't want to leave(we both blew off a couple hours of work that morning due to lack of sleep so we both in a hurry). I ran into him at check out. He kept staring at me with a slight smile as I'm running around trying to get more organized. We complimented each other's suits and waved goodbye with smiles on our faces.

 

He called me at 1:30 that afternoon sounding stressed(or maybe tired due to lack of sleep):

 

Him Hey, I have to head back this afternoon. I'll call you in the

next day or two once I get outta there and get situated.

Me Ok

Him It was reeeeally good seeing you. I'm glad you're doing better

and you look great.

Me Thanks. It was good to see you too.

Him I'll talk to you real soon. Take care.

Me You too. Bye

 

That was a week and 3 days ago.

 

What can I make of that conversation we had? (We already had sex twice) Was he just leading me on???

[nagol818]

I have to add though that throughout our bedroom conversation a lot of it was me being hyped about seeing him so unable to sleep and starting conversations while he wanted to go to sleep even though he didn't come out and say it. I don't know if most of that was depression or not. Either it was depression, he is truly not interested in my or he was fearful of leading me on and becoming Miss Stalker(which I would no longer do but I guess he doesn't know that). As for the woman in his life? I don't know how he feels about her. He tends to plow right into women emotionally because he is needy. Remember he WAS running from my situation too.

 

I don't know. How does all of this sound to all of you?

[Michael2]

Ill give it to you straight. And you may not like what I am about to say, if so, take it with a grain of salt.

 

This man, the one you call your soul mate, left you when things got choppy, and on top of that you were pregnant. In adddition he runs off with another woman a week later. That alone raises red flags.

 

I think he has WAY too many issues going on in his life. Unfortunately the stress of your relationship may drive him even further away. If you really want to win him back , ( think to yourself, do you want HIM, or do you really miss having SOMEONE by you, many times poeple interwine these two, which in turn can lead to great pain).

 

I suggest you keep your distance and protect that heart of yours. You think you were hurting before, the next time will be worse, believe me. He may lead you back in , then rip apart your heart when the past problems resurface.

 

Just be careful.

[tiger_lilies]

I have to agree with Michael. It sounds like he has major commitment issues. I'm no expert, but I've been doing a lot of research on relationships due to my own failed relationship. I've learned that relationships go through stages. The first stage is all about falling in love. This stage can go for 3 months or over one year. This is the best time in any relationship. The second stage is much more difficult since this is when things start to annoy you about the other person. If communication skills are not developed, then usually the relationship fails.

 

You guy sounds like he is not being completely honest to you about his feelings. He ran when things got tough, meaning he probably didn't want to deal with it. He was extremely selfish with his actions, especially considering you being pregnant with his child.

 

Another thing I've learned about men in general, is that they tend to want to feel like they can provide, or make their spouses happy. If they feel that they are not meeting these standards, they tend to bail out of the relationship. Maybe this is why your guy left you. You mentioned that you guys started having problems with is work and money issues.

 

You are observant with his other relationship and how he reacts when things are going down hill for him, which is good, but I want to caution you in making the same mistake.

 

He is also going through major depression right now, this is not someone who can readily get involved in a relationship. It will just cause him more stress because he will feel like he needs to provide for you again, which he's not in the position to do so.

 

Basically he needs to get his act together before you let him back into your life. I suggest that you keep moving on. You may love him, but you can't make someone love you back. His actions don't show much love in my opinion.