Girl leaves me, no reason, please help!

[Dullaware]

Alright so I met this girl a while back, and we became great friends. We seemed to have so much in common and seemed great for each other. I asked her for her phone number one day and she gave it to me. I was very happy at this turn of events, but when I asked her on a date later on in our phone conversations she told me in so many words no, and that she wasn't interested. I let it go and continued to be her friend, always being there to talk to her. Having a great time with her and helping her through problems with other men she had liked. Well she finally came around and asked me on a date ( This was almost five months after I let her know I liked her ) I was estatic and I believe I may have jumped into the relationship to fast. While we were together she told me a few things that bothered me and made me wonder. She told me at one point that while at our college no public displays of affection, she also told me that she could only see me on the weekends because school was stressing her out, and that sometimes she may just want to relax on saturday without seeing me. We had a big fight over this much later, me telling her that I just wanted time and that I thought she was being unfair. She responded saying that she just didnt feel that PDA ( public displays ) were appropriate in school, that she needed a break from everything at one point, and finally saying that she would be fine seeing me on fridays as well. After the fight I was sure that everything was better, and that we had finally got over the rocky parts in our relationship. She had even told me that she had no intention of breaking up with me. I was wrong. For some reason she IMed me last night, breaking up with me! She refused to give me a reason, saying somthing breifly about me talking to a mutual friend of both of us about my problems, and that she felt things should have been kept between us at all times. Other than that she was cold as ice. She had never been that way before, and I always knew her for her positive attitude and good nature. Though she was just being cruel when she left me. She said she had thought about it long and hard and that we should just be friends, but she was so mean about everything that I just felt she was trying to get what she was feeling out, and move right along. This happened very recently and i've been in alot of pain. I haven't talked to her since then, and I miss her greatly. When we were together in school or out, we got along so well. When we were alone we'd kiss for extended periods of time, and I really felt that she was the one. I don't want to lose her and want her back more than anything else in the world. If anyone was advice please help!

[spatzcolumbo]

Give us some more info - how old are both of you? How long were you together, how serious was it? How often do you see her now (as in will you see her at college, etc).

 

More info usually means more advice because people can get more of a feel for the situation.

 

Sorry about what has happened, hope you can find some help on here.

[Dullaware]

I'm 20 and she's 19, the relationship was serious to me, but i'm not sure how she took it. We see each other everyday in college, sorry for the lack of info

[spatzcolumbo]

How long were you together??

 

Weeks? Months?

 

Try to read up a bit on no contact (search around this particular forum and you should find some stuff).

 

There is one particular one (by The Morrigan) which usually helps people out.

 

If not then come back and post and i'm sure people can help you out some more.

[Princess777]

Greetings. I wanted to say that initially when I read this, I got the feeling that she is afraid of intimacy for some reason and that if you knew the real reason why she broke up with you, it might do more harm to your self esteem than good. I guess what I'm saying is that there is no nice way to put it, this is, if she left you because you were too needy for her liking. Note that I say "for her liking"..... meaning, there's nothing wrong with you, okay????? She obviously felt that your emotional levels were not compatible and she seemed too busy for a relationship, like she didn't really have the time or didn't choose to take the time to give you the attention that she knew you required. That is a hard thing to take. So called "rejection" like that is so painful and I know it all too well. It can be devastating to your inner Self when taken personally.....(if this is even the reason) but the key is to not allow it do that to you. Use this as a learning experience and think about what you did or said (to her or the mutual friend) that would scare her off or make her feel smothered. Then think about whether or not you feel like you actually did anything disrespectful or selfish, or if it could have been interpreted that way. There is really no need to change yourself or your actions if you are comfortable with the way you are, but if you're not, then work to improve your communication skills so that this does not happen again, either with her or with someone new. Please do not let her make you feel bad just because she feels you weren't compatible.... it sounds like you've been struggling ever since the beginning with her. I hope you can find some peace soon, whether you speak with her again or not. Hang in there.

[Dullaware]

The mutual friend ( who has known her longer than I have ) said that she may be confused, and frustrated. I want to give her time but I also want to know if there's still a chance with her. I've read alot of the "No contact" stuff, it's what has gotten me on the boards to begin with. We've been dating for about a month but i've had feelings for her going on half a year. I just dont know what to do, I fear that if I just play it off casual and not caring that she'll just think i've accepted it and will just leave me alone. I really don't want this, any advice would help

[Princess777]

I understand your frustration and I am sorry you are experiencing this. I think no contact in your situation would be the solution. If you pursue her after she has said what she has, she will most likely interpret it as being pushy and needy. If you implement the no contact rule right away and don't grovel, and if she cares at all about you, she will contact you when the time is right for her, but that is not to say you are to wait around for her. Continue going out and doing what interests you. Read up on the no contact rule and how to do it and what goes along with it. You haven't been exclusive with her long enough to be an exception to the rule, in my opinion, so I think this method is best for you and your chances of getting her back. You have time to save face and she hasn't known you in an intimate manner for too long, or long enough to really push your buttons so you can still surprise her by doing this. Remember, you can't control her feelings so attempting to do so will only embarrass yourself, even though I know the pain is hard to endure right now. If you need support while going through the no contact phase feel free to post here for that. Good luck.

[Dullaware]

I'm just wondering if i'm wrong for wanting her back. I mean she broke it off with me kind of coldly, but I think it was more because she was confused and frustrated with the entire situation. I want to do NC but she's going to talk to me, I know this because we have alot of the same friends, and we sit together in class ( She has no one else to sit next to ) but im just wondering if NC is right? I just feel like if I come to her kindly and mature and say "Look I know we had some bad times, and we got off on the wrong foot, but I think that if we try to start over again we might be able to get somthing started" and just like invite her on a casual date. Though im just not sure if this will work.

[detox5]

Hmm I would suggest going back to the way you were, by being the person she was once attracted to or still is. I think that if you sit next to her in class you have the advantage I would say. You could be your same old jolly self and put some warmth around her. she may just be confused, and if could be school or college thats killing her at the moment because she only wanted to see you at weekends, maybe that was the reason for break up. I would just say keep smiling, be the person you were before you got together and hope for the best, at least your around her, some of us that have had breakups dont see our ex's at all so consider yourself one of the lucky ones. I would really use the sitting next to her in class as an advantage I think, I hope i helped, its what i would do in your situation.

[Dullaware]

Thanks, I really think that is the best course to go. I'm going to try that tomorrow in fact.

[detox5]

Tell me more dude, I want to know abotu when u sit next to her, since the break up have you sat next to her, what is the situation etc.

[Dullaware]

Sure i'll tell you all you want to know =). We haven't sat together in class yet, she's been to a number of dentist appointments, and i've been out of school with a bad head cold, and this happened about a week ago. We had a messy break up, but I think that was due to anger between her leaving me and she was angry at me for an un resolved problems. I know though that she wont be mad at me for long, and I cant be mad at her =/

[detox5]

Well first of all your gonna need that trust back, so be her friend as they say. DONT bring up any questions thats gonna make her uncomfortable, all the questions you want answered, well your just gonna have to wait until SHE brings it up. Be warm, act as if nothing is wrong, dont give her the droopey eyes and the "i want you back look", I reckon she needs to be as comfortable as possible, so talk to her softly, ask things that matter about her maybe, but keep it short. Act as if she isnt too important but you still care, like if your ask about the dentist be like ohh nice one, ohh well never mind. I would also be blunt also, like at the end of class if your still talkin, instead of "ohh can i talk to you for a sec" or anything like that, if you have a next lesson be like bugger got next class now, make a smile and say catcha later, dont look back etc. Shows you got your head on your shoulders as such and your not too bothered, she is without man not you. Make out as if she has the problem, which in fact she does, does this help at all, but please please please keep smiling, it sooo helps, for yourself and even for her. I know that if i saw my ex I would be more attracted to her when shes smiling and being her old self then if she was droopey and looks depressed.

[Dullaware]

I know what you mean by the smiling. It's the thing I like the most about her. I was just wondering if there was a way you could tell if she was just being friendly, or just really wanted to try somthing again. I'm afraid if I be a friend to her she'll just be content with that, but I dont want to just be her friend, I want to be with her

[Dullaware]

The mutual friend has just got done talking to her and she says that she feels she talked to me enough about the relationship. Is there anyone out there who can explain to me why she's just being so quick to shut herself off and not talk to me?

[detox5]

If your saying she dont want to talk about the relationship or another one, its exacly what my ex did. She needs time to think for her self dude, if you had some good times together and you really made her happy, then she needs time to miss these facts, in fact theres 2 options i would suggest. One is that you can make her miss you by not giving out alot of info about yourself at all and keep her on her toes. Or you could kinda friendly flert with her, like hints to her. For example when you talk to her lick your lips and look at hers when you talk to her, obvious signs u wanna kiss her, things like that. I found that I could talk to my ex about the old times, this actually brightened her up and she even thanked me that i made her feel much better, so it counts for something, she was depressed because of the break up etc but time will tell if she comes back. What i mean is that I just came out with it I said "I was just thinking, remember our first kiss, first date, first time we slept together, holding each other in arms as if nothing matters, I thnk about these things when im down". you could test her as such, you know if some 1 likes you dude and is on your case. I know how it feels mate, I find i need reassurance each day for some stupid reason, I would like to help you out the best i can, lol we all will. But you should set your self goals, or you will be too depressed, take first things first, FIRST just see what happened when you see her in class next, you wont be bugging yourself what shes thinkin or anything, because you know you will see her and it kinda takes your mind off it, write back if you have anything to add.

[Dullaware]

just one thing, i'm just wondering if her abruptness to end it, and unwillingness to talk isn't a sign that she dosent like me. That was kind of a big thing that bothered me.

[detox5]

Its the womans way dude, my theory is that we annoy them outstandingly when we are with them and they dont really really annoy us but, tables are turned when your not going out with them maybe, they annoy us and we dont annoy them, blah i dunno, maybe anyways, just an idiot theroy.

[Dullaware]

actually that makes a bit of sense. Somthing that I've been thinking about for awhile though is that I believe that with some women they just like a guy who dosen't care about them ( The younger ones I mean ) like they just want a guy whos going to treat them badly, that a caring guy isnt what they want. Any thoughts?

[detox5]

In a certain aspect yes, I cant remmeber how old you said you were, but im 21 and ive been told that the older the woman the more they dont act like dicks and really appreciate a real man, not that my ex didnt appreciate me, she loved me (I think i can call it love) for the caring loving person I was. I think we are really missing the point though, I mean if I thought for one second that my girl was playing games with me and was there for the attention i would walk. I think they are do there strange little ways for weird reasons, main r eason is that woman are always insecure as guys are not, so that nails alot of pointers. I guess they ignore us and dont want to speak with us because its there own way of dealing with it, as we would just prefer to talk it out maybe and make sense. I think the hardest thing we find, I know me for a fact is facing that some questions are left unsolved, to solve questions we find a bit about our selfs and its how we progress, so us asking all the questions is finding out how we can improve and repair the damge, hence progression!

[Dullaware]

Argh I just don't know what to do. I don't want to the no contact because I see her to much, and I dont want her to feel like im avoiding her, hence making her think I dont like her at all. I want to call her but when I IMed her earlier today asking if it was ok she just said "I guess so...." im just now sure how to go about getting her back.......and I want her back badly