Want to get back with her, what should I do now?

[Exocet]

Hi guys, I chanced upon this forum just recently.

 

I broke up with my ex about a month ago. She was the one who initiated it, citing that we argue too much and she doesn't feel the spark anymore. In the first 2 weeks of the breakup, I was totally beside myself. I did every thing I could to try to get her back, I was so desperate. Of course she was cold, she said she didnt want to talk to me and that we should have no contact. Later on I discovered that she was seeing someone else barely a week after we broke up. It shattered my heart.

 

So I decided to just leave her alone, I saw no point in trying to do anything since she already had someone else. I had no contact for her for a week.

 

However one week ago she called me up and asked me if I wanted to be in a non committed relationship with her. When I asked her what she meant, she just said she wanted companionship. I also discovered at this same time she broke off with the guy she was seeing. She said that it could never work out between them. I thought I was being used as a substitute for that guy, maybe she is feeling lonely or something.

 

I am still very much in love with her, so I agreed. But it was torture. She came over to my place to sleep, and we go out for dinner and such, but we are merely friends, at least in her eyes. We did not have sex or anything, it was just sharing the bed. However nowadays she will call me and tell me that she cant sleep at night, and ask me if I can sleep with her. She also says she cant concentrate on her studies, and ask me to accompany her while she studies. So I did. During all this time, I knew she was in a state of depression. She cried a few times at night, while I was right beside her, but I did not ask her why she was crying, I didnt know what to say.

 

What exactly is she thinking? We have been together for close to 3 years and all of a sudden she wants out. She used to think that being in a committed relationship was the right thing but now she wants to be free and single. However last night when I questioned her, she said she was confused and didnt know what she really wants. I asked her, so why is it that she can only sleep if I am beside her? Why dont she just get someone else to sleep with her? She could not give me an answer.

 

I've been very nice to her, but its taking its strain on me. I proposed that she consider being together with me again, but she said she will put this matter off until her exams are over (exams are tomorrow). I really dread the answer, at the same time I dont want to carry too much hope because if things dont turn out well, its going to be hell for me again.

 

Can someone please give me some advice? I want to end this as soon as possible because it is taking a toll on my emotional health. Why is it that she would want me for companionship when she can find so many other people to keep her company? No doubt that she has been depressed for 2 weeks or so already, is it because she cant forget the guy she had a short fling with?

[kleptoz28]

Don't go and do this till someone else gives you a comment on it, but I'd say you should make it clear to her that it's all or nothing.

 

Tell her that you think this kind of relationship is unhealthy for the two of you. Either she wants a relationship with you or she doesn't, but you're not willing to be her emotional tampon (find a nicer way to say that) while she looks for someone else. She can't have her cake and eat it too.

[Exocet]

Actually I told her as much, its either we get back together, or we are just plain friends. Of course I didnt say it this straightforwardly, but thats the gist of it.

 

As much as I love her I dont want to be her emotional support pillar while she goes out and flirts with other guys. Im willing to forget the past, I dont even care about the guy she was seeing, I just take it as since we were already separated at that time, what she does or who she sees is none of my business, no point killing myself over it.

 

The main problem now is that she doesnt know what she wants.

She is confused between wanting a long lasting committed relationship and being free and single. I know everyone wants the best of both worlds but no relationship can be like that. We all have to give and take.

 

I was reading another post about whether the no contact method will work on certain personality types. I know my ex is a very fragile person inside, though she puts on a strong front. I have never seen her cry before in all our 3 years of being together, and I only saw her cry recently when we were sleeping together. Will the no contact method work on her?

[Exocet]

I think I should just play it cool.

 

If I am nice to her and everything, she'll just take me for granted.

Sometimes I feel that nothing I do can make her come back.

As a result, day by day my resolve hardens. I find that its easier to let go now than before. Maybe I should let her know that I can walk away any time I want.

 

Any advice?? I will much appreciate any input you guys/girls have.

[Exocet]

Guys I NEED HELP.

 

She says that she will reconsider getting back together,

but at the same time she is going out with other guys.

I just discovered she went out for a movie with a "friend", who can only be another guy.

 

What should I do???????????

What does this all mean???

Someone please give me some advice. Im on the verge of breaking down.