having serious trouble(kind of long)

[ilios69]

my girlfriend of 4 yrs and i are having big problems,about 2 yrs.ago she lied to me about where she was going and i found out.she swears up and down that she wasnt with another guy.ever since then to about a year ago i found it very difficult to trust her every time she told me she was going somewhere i would question her.i was very cold to her,only because i love her so much and i was very hurt .anyway the last year i have noticed she has pulled very far away from me and now that i have gotten past the lie,she says that i hurt her to much for her to be the person she was.she says she loves me very much ,and every time we speak on the phone she tells me she loves me,we still have sex but now we dont speak on the phone everyday or see each other every weekend because every time we are together we argue.she has totally shut down in the emotion dept.dosent hold my hand dosent kiss me hello.we have agreed to be friends but when i go to her house and i dont see the pic of me and her on her nightstand i get aggravated,there is always tension between us even when we speak on the phone.and i am always the one to ask her if she wants to hang out.and its always a hesitant yes when she says yes.i love her so much but i feel every time i call her or go over there i just push her further away.and when she acts cold towards me i just get more aggravated and we have a fight or just sit there and not say 2 words to each other.the other day i found a birthday card from some other guy,it was just a plain card no i love you written in it signed your friend.but her birthday is in july why has she kept this card for almost a year.she is on my mind constantly,and the thought of loosing her is driving me nuts.and i cant ask her about the card because i was snooping,it was in her dresser and she got a new dresser about a month ago so you cant say she just forgot it there.we did every thing together now we dont do anything together,she is even thinking of going on vacation with her daughters,and she didnt ask me if i want to go.i dont know if i should just leave her alone and let her sort things out,but she gets hurt when i dont call her to see how she is doing.this is really the only person i ever truly loved,i have never had a break up bother me before but this one is just driving me crazy.she says im to demanding and i treat her like a little kid.but i dont think i do whats the big deal telling your boyfriend where you are.she also has 2 daughters that i love very much,and i still want them in my life.any advice would be very helpful.thanks for listening,because every time i try to talk to her its just the same thing she thinks im telling her everything she does is wrong,but im not im just trying to tell her if she can be loving again i can be the person i was and we can be very happy together.

[Eric f]

hey bro,

sorry for your problems with your girlfriend, try sitting down and instead of you trying to talk to her asked her what she wants out of your relationship, asked her how you can make her life better.

 

she wants to be treated like an adult and i know its hard for you to trust her. try not to qustion where she goes or who she goes with, don't get mad if she doesn't invite you along.

 

like the vactions with her daughters she might just want to spend some alone time with them and might not want anyone around.

 

The big deal on her telling where shes at is that she probably feels confind.

 

maybe as a child you remember telling your parents where your at and how long your going to stay.

I dont know about you but i sure hated it when my parents did.

 

Imagine her asking you every single time you walk out the door. where are you going?

I know it doesnt sound like a big deal but it gets annoying fast.

I know your worried about her but you really have to trust her and listen to her. even if you dont like it.

Im not trying to make you look bad just trying to help yea out.

 

good luck mate.

[ilios69]

thanks for the advice eric.

[ilios69]

well about one month ago,i had bought tickets to a show ,the show was saturday night and we went together and had a great time.we did alot of talking and she explained why she wants to go with just her daughters.then sunday morning she called me up and invited me over for dinner and told me to bring my laundry up and she would do it while we were hanging out,she also made me lunch to take to work with me the next day ..these are the things she had stopped doing for me and now im wondering why she is coming around again.we had a nice weekend lets see how long it will last to our next fight.

[Eric f]

well dude when something upsets you think first before you react, look it at her view and then put your self in her spot for a moment.

it might save you from a fight from time to time.

 

i hope things work out for you. damn i wish i had a women that would to my laundry