Did you find being with someone else helped you move on?

[lionquack]

Hi

 

I broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago. i finished with her as i cuold no longer trust her as she lied and mnaipulated me by not telling me about her long distant boyfrined. she fooled me into thinking she wants to settle down and have children (like i do)

 

i fell for her in a big way and it felt mutual.

 

After I finished with her I grovelled to her and came accross desperate.

 

I tehn went 16 days NC until i heard she is leaving the country and texted her 2 days ago but have had no reply.

 

I was feeling gutted. However, i met a new girl yesterday who ticks my boxes.

 

Since meeting her last night my feelings for my ex seem to have gone....Is this temporary? i dont feel the pain? i dont have the lump in my throat? i dont have the feelign of not knowing what she is thinking...Its like i dont care anymore??

 

Is being someone else the best solution for me? i accept i am not 100% over my ex but this new girl is hot and interesting!!!! i think she likes me too as she gave me her number and we are going out Friday

[Casmut]

I am sorry to hear what happened with your ex.

 

I do not think being with someone else is the best solution, especially if you are not over your ex. That high you are getting is nulling your pain and causing the lack of caring for your ex, however that may all be temporary. Ask yourself this question after Friday.

 

Like you, about a month and a half or so after my ex and i broke up. I started seeing someone else, she has been a light to me in my dark times. At first i was distant because i did not want to cause myself any harm, and i didn't want to cause her any harm either. We are dating now, and things are great..but be careful if things do move further with the new girl. I thought i was all good till recently i had a relapse with my ex, but in that regard it wasn't because i cared for her or anything, i just wanted the truth which i know i won't get. I am stubborn however, its like watching a movie and having the ending cut off, i just want to know how it ends. If you are wondering why i said earlier that doing this wasn't the best solution is because i found myself questioning things a lot, and worrying a lot about hurting myself and the new girl.

 

Good luck with all of that, but the most important thing im going to tell you here is to protect yourself, protect your heart.

[Tanzi]

Hi Lionquack

 

My husband left me and our 3 children after 12 years of marriage. I was shocked, bewildered, angry, frustrated and above all incredibly hurt. I couldn't ever imagine being with someone else. Then after 6 months I met and fell for a lovely man who turned my life around. Instantly my feelings towards my husband changed. I no longer waited for contact from him, no longer thought of him constantly and no longer felt like I needed him. Unfortunately my relationship with my ex-boyfriend has since broken down and left me heartbroken all over again but, as regards my ex-husband ........ I am now soooooooooo totally over him!!!!

 

There are upsides and downsides to every situation. I wouldn't say don't go ahead with it as it could do you the world of good but I would proceed with caution if I were you. Because my heart was still very very bruised my emotions were on red alert and I think I over-reacted on a number of occassions. Also because my ex-bf saw our marriage as newly ended he had major issues with my ex-husband who was always contacting me. All in all he couldn't handle the situation and ended the relationship. Although I am hurting all over again I still don't regret going into the relationship. It taught me some valuable lessons - the main one .... that I can love and be loved again.

[AutumnBorn]

It kind of did help. I was seeing a very attractive, VERY successful, ever so slightly younger man for awhile. It felt good to feel attractive, desired, accepted. We laughed, had good sex, kissed a lot. But, in the end, he didn't do it for me.

 

Instead of thinking about my ex and wondering what he was doing, I was busy with someone else and had something to which I could look forward.

 

The ex was very jealous. He assumed I would find some loser. When he found out who it was, he was beside himself.

 

I quit seeing the new man after a few months. The new man wonders why I wasn't falling all over him. When we see each other at restaurants or if I pass him on the street, he turns and looks at me. I didn't break his heart, but I must've hurt his ego. That was unintentional. He's a wonderful man - a physician, gorgeous (if you like the tall, fit, blue eyed type), wealthy, and respected. I'm just concentrating on myself and what I want to do. I've never been happier. I didn't even know I could feel this way.

[atelis]

just be careful that you don't hurt the new person. Getting over your pain by using someone else as leverage is not an honourable thing to do. If i were you, i would tell the new person you want to take things slow, for both your sake's.