Advice wanted: How come I don't have a boyfriend

[Cutegirl888]

Hey guys:

Can anyone tell me why I'm 20 and still don't have anyone?

In high school, i was a pretty shy girl and didn't really date at all. I always thought that college is suppose to be the time when serious relationships come, but i guess not...

I am a pretty good looking girl, dress myself well and fairly outgoing, though i'm still pretty shy in front of some guys. I have mostly female friends. i'm a pretty mature individual, have good values and stuff and somewhat competitive i guess, i try to keep academics a priority, so i really dont' party much at all. A

As desperate as i am, i hold high standards for the kind of guy i want, and most of them are not in my social circle at all, which is frustrating.

can someone give me advice as to what's "wrong" with me or how i can get more attention from guys?

~ Claire~

[DiglyD]

Hey cutiegirl,

 

Listen, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are like other "High Quality" girls out there. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Keep it like that. Don't compare yourself with girls of lesser quality who jumped onto the boyfriend bandwagon. Give it time. Everyone has their own way of doing things. Good htings come to those who wait. Don't sweat it and don't worry. Don't feel like you have to find a boyfriend. Don't put that type of pressure on yourself. You are doing fine. You will find one soon. He will come when you stop worrying about this and stop looking and asking why you don't have one yet. You will have many boyfriends during your lifetime.

 

My girlfriend was 21 almost 22 when she met me, just out of college and still a virgin. I was her first boyfriend. She didn't have a boyfriend her entire college life. She was not ugly. She was hot, beautiful, very smart, confident, and outgoing when you got to know her. She just had standards, class and wanted to find the right guy. She was however very shy when I first met her. She was afraid to talk to guys, and most guys never approached her becasue she looked really good.

 

Even though she wasn't lucky in finding the right guy in college she ended up happy, becasue after college she knew even better what she wanted, she was more secure with herself, and she had more money and didn't need to rely on anyone. She was very independent, and had no head issues. She had very high standards and ended up very happy that things turned out the way they did. She had a wonderful 3 year relationship with me. She ended up being very glad that she waited and gave herself to me and not to some looser who used her. I knew it wouldnt't last forever because I was her first, but I was glad to be there for her as the first great guy, and set high standard for every other dude that was going to follow. Don't be frustrated. Hold on to your standards. Just enjoy college, don't try to be someone you are not, don't try to impress guys by doing what you don't want to do, and just be yourself. A guy will see you as his star in the sky and will zero in on you and find you. Trust me on this.

 

if you want to get more attnetion from guys, just be outside more especially in school. Be seen. Remember you can be the greatest painting in the world but if you hang in a garage no one will know. BE visible. You are a girl and all you really have to do is walk by a group of guys slow down and smile.

[tiff8434]

I really can relate to your issues. I am the same way I am a christian girl who really dosent get into partying and also am absatining sexualy until marriage. It is very hard to met guys who respect that and not look at the other girls and wonder why. But it sounds cliche but my dad always told me it is better be the type of girl that a guy wants to marry then date, that meaning that you hold higher standards than a randome hs or college girlfriend. Be strong and remember that your prince charming is out there searching just as hard for you as you are for him and at the right time you will met. Good luck to you.

[1Adam12]

I can relate to this one as well I'm 2 months away from turning 20 and still no gf, no date..nothing and I consider myself good looking though I'm not gonna say I'm a perfect "10" as some would be quick to say about themselves but I'm still fairly shy though I owe this site some credit for helping me deal with it and I am just like the previous poster abstaining til marriage cause its the way I was brought up in my religion as well so your not the only one out there asking these questions. If anything read my ending signature it'll make you laugh. Good Luck to you!

[Emotional]

i know why...b/c no offence GUys are a lil on the clueless side...if u like them u pretty much have to show it as large as possible words only speak bout 16% but the majority is body language that will get ur message clear..so try that one read up on it some..look up on google or askjeeves- flirting tips..ull get a guy in no time..

o and real attracting secret is to line ur self against a wall n put out ur shoulders it makes u look a lot for confident of ur self regardless if u are or not..well lemme no if u get neone ne time soon peace!

[Emotional]

i just read the attracting secret lol..u dont stay on the wall u walk that way..and keep ur head up dont look down..guys hate that i know cuz im talkin to 3 of my friends that are guys right now..they like confident hot girls lol..so if u already got the hot part down then u just needa work on ur confidence..good luck chica

[Sentohottie]

Don't look for a boyfriend, look for a guyfriend. Meaning, don't look for a guy for a relationship, but try to pick one out that would make a cool "hang out" bud. Once you have a guyfriend, it will turn into a boyfriend, or you will hook up with one of his cute friends. \

[fairyfemale]

Hey Claire,

I totally recognise myself in your story. I'm 20 years old too and never had a serious relationship either! I just try not to push it too much, i know that one day i will meet a nice and decent guy that's worth a serious long-term relationship. And i'm sure you will too!

I'm pretty busy with college right now, so that's my main focus. But sometimes it is kind off hard to be single, because i always have to explain to other people why i don't have a bf. Even some of my friends think it's weird. And especially older people from small towns don't seem to get it! They probably think i'm weird and there was this one person who thought i was a lesbian. But i just let them talk and hope that i will meet a nice guy soon!

Take Care

Eve

[RandyB]

Just wanted to chime in. I'm a guy, older than you probably, and have to agree with the remark that guys are basically clueless. We don't get any smarter about women the older we get, so you may have to find ways to show a guy you're interested. (Better get this advice from other girls.) I never like it when someone says, "it'll just happen when you least expect it...just stop worrying about it and it will happen to you" as if all you have to do is wait around. True, you don't necessarily have to have a boyfriend to be happy...friends can take up some of the slack, but, yeah, most people want someone special. You will have to do some of the work, eventually. Waiting around and just pretending you don't care about guys won't get you very far. Join clubs that you think you'll enjoy to meet guys; let friends introduce you to guys they know; go to parties, or have a few friends over...single, unattached guys are out there, and I hate to say this, but many of them may be as shy as you. Don't make them do all the work.

[amynoelle]

I came on this site for the first time tonight with EXACTLY the same problem. I've been crying a lot about it. I'm also 20 and I've never had a boyfriend. Ever. It hurts because people say that I'm pretty and that guys are crazy for not wanting me, but it hurts me because every guy can't be "crazy". It comforts me to know that other people are in my same situation. I'm a virgin (because of morals, but I haven't exactly had the chance) and am waiting until I get married (if it ever comes). It's hard to watch your friends talk about having sex and all the guys they're choosing from to date while you're just sitting there like an innocent kitten. Thanks for this post. I can't give any advice, but thank you for letting me know that there are others of us out there. Good luck in love and life.

[Massari]

guiess I don't have to say anything I am also in the same category.. never had a relationship, in fact never had G/F. I have been rejected about 4 times. just because I am shy .. I am a good lookin guy. I am not a show off. I am 20 now and am searching for that special person , I strongle believe that there is someone for you and me out there. just have to open your eyes and look more. I am avinga huge cruch on my sister's girfriend' she is ths shy type of girl that I prefer to date.. someone like me. but I can't do anything right now.. I hardlly know here. I am also very sad.. sometimes I wonder just like you guys and girls that why don't I have someone. I just hope that she isthe one and since there no way I can see her any time soon earlier then two weeks from now, I don't know how Am I gonna spend my time. excpet not thinking of her..,..

 

please hELP

 

A nice girl like you shouldn't give up.. if a girl is havoing a tought time finding someone .. donnow how we guys are gonna doit

[iabu_com]

Meet people on the internet, talk safely from your computer and when you get closer, you can date without beeing afraid of the unknown.

[fairyfemale]

....I never like it when someone says, "it'll just happen when you least expect it...just stop worrying about it and it will happen to you" as if all you have to do is wait around. True, you don't necessarily have to have a boyfriend to be happy...friends can take up some of the slack, but, yeah, most people want someone special. You will have to do some of the work, eventually. Waiting around and just pretending you don't care about guys won't get you very far.....

 

I DO think that most people will meet someone eventually..... some ppl find love while doing groceries. Right now I am totally fine not having a relationship (wether u believe it or not!)....That's why i tried to tell Cutegirl888 that, if she doesn't care about it too much, she doesn't have to worry! Her time will come too....

 

But you are right... if you REALLY want to be in a relationship right now, you can't just sit back and wait for it to happen. I mean, you could bump into 'the one' 2morrow... but chances are small! It's definitely more effective to meet guys when you go out, party or join clubs. That way you'll meet lots of interesting people and it'll be way easier to find a bf.

 

But of course meeting guys doesn't necesarrily mean that you have to get seriously involved with them. Personally i also think it's fun to just hang w/ guys, flirt a little etc.... without any strings attached!

[Derek]

It's not about "having" someone..

 

it's about being someone.

 

...

 

then you can have all you want.

 

 

[confused33]

I believe that sometimes you might be too intimidatingly pretty. Guys can get intimidated if they think a girl is too good for them. It just takes the right guy to come around and start finding out who you are, and that you might be a good match with him. Once you start dating you will find it is easier to get dates after that, you need one good guy to make yourself feel that you are capable of doing what you want and sometimes getting what you want, just dont get greedy.

[RandyB]

One reason I don't like Hollywood is films like Serendipity, which implies that all any of us has to do (if we're lucky enough to look like John Cusack or that British girl he's trying to arrange to meet again) is sit back and wait for fate to bring us together. I'm happy being single and unattached, until someone comes along that rocks my world and makes me feel that something has been missing in my life all along. Which is stupid, of course, but that's how I feel, and it usually takes me a while to be content with only myself again.

 

RandyB

[Shinobie]

Yea i believe in the whole morals like women that dont want to have sex before ther r married and thats what i believe.Like the majority of guys juts wanna do it right away and just go as fast as they can without having nay respect for the people.I dont get how they can be that cold hearted to do things like that as for me i believe in respect of what they want to do before what u wanna do as a major priority.I mean if someone really likes someone they are gonna respect their thoughts and what they dont wanna do.

[1899]

Same situation here, never was really into girls until now, now ive moved out on my own, and it gets kind of lonely. i kind of wish for a girl to hang out with on the weekends that looks hot and is intulectually interesting. you know, go places together. Just for friendship.. But im now out looking around on the weekends and just getting out there to meet different people instead of the same old faces.