Awww man...here we go again...

[Leon]

*Sigh* My friend who I use to go to Bible studies with for several years eventually developed a crush on me (obviously), that eventually dissolved (as she fell for some nut who sent here PAGES of love letters), is apparently back at it again with me...

 

I know her, I know the type of person she is... She is a good person at the core I believe, but she was influenced by some pretty messed up hypocritically religious types and now she's kind of gossipy, and a tad snooty. She would NOT pay attention to me unless she had some kind of interest in me. She has recently been turning up her visits to see me, and that got my radar going. Eventually she revealed that her best friend got married... and she feels encouraged to get married at a young age if past conversations are still accurate*sigh* I don't know what she's thinking, but I kind of feel that she barking up the wrong tree. I just don't feel like I should lead her on or anything, cause I'm sure she can find someone more suitable for her situation, as religion is a very important part of who she is, its not a stat that I'm doing so hot in at the moment.

 

Personally, as of late, I have not been so strong in my spirituality, I have been hard at work on my studies and college so I can set myself up to get a stable job soon. I'm not arrogant enough to say that I don't believe God anymore per say (I'm no tool, no teacher, nobody is gonna truly effect how I think), but after spending much recent time researching the history of this planet, I can say that I'm pretty disappointed in humans. Humanity doesn't seem to have made any progress as to become better people despite technological advances, and I'm starting to wonder what the hell is going on upstairs in the realm outside of the universe. It seems that the promotion of the existence or the non existence of God serves no other purpose today than to aid the corrupt human agenda.

 

On top of all these conflicted feelings I have, I have pretty much thrown in the towel on dating, most of the girls I've dealt with were pretty much nuts or in some kind of counseling. People today, men and women alike place WAY too much importance on sex that it almost disgusts me, I want nothing to do with people who see me for no more than to abuse the tool of procreation for pure pleasure. I'm just living to be the best human I can in this world I guess, and I can do that alone. However, at the same time, I can notice the loneliness in her eyes, and I think she may notice it in me... The way she stares at me sometimes when I sit by myself to think... I can tell... I'm not sure what I should tell her, or what I should do.

[mr me]

I wasnt sure what to expect at first because all i got was she is developing a crush on me(obviously) but i read what you put. I never really enjoyed dealing with people liking me and me not liking them back. I dont have the same views as you but it seems you have your own views which i can pretty much say im like that. I think you might be very critical or have high expectations which i dont think are bad. Its just something you need to be aware of because sometimes you might take things too hard. Ill say for example if i have kids i want them to be able to be open with me but at the same time im an idealist and critical so i think sometimes its not going to be easy. The relationship thing is hard because some people have a better time with it as they get older. I cant say why but it just seems like whenever you are looking for a serious or deep relationship that it comes along your way more as your older. I cant really see why because if people are looking for someone and they are there i dont know why they wouldnt be together but i guess i cant answer that. I dont have the strongest belief in God but thats more from personal reasons. I do still try to at least think about it because its something i think is there but i dont seem to have as much faith. I think one side of it is that right now it seems like there isnt that much good but its all about balance. Ive been thru alot in life to know that in my view some people arent as good as they could be but they might have different way of looking at it. I could say with society as a whole its all about whats most popular right now and trends etc. I think hopefully there will be a time where people who arent just like most people can find others to at least have a group of people to be friends with. Its just hard because for some people its not when you want it to. I wouldnt think about people abusing you too much for sex because real abuse is an issue that can really cause alot of damage to someones life. I think alot of people like to enjoy sex because it just seems like the time now with freedom, etc. I myself am pretty old-fashioned so i dont share that view but if im not able to stop myself from seeing the negative which is how other people are and more the positive of how i could possibly find someone like me then its doing more harm to me. I think maybe you should try not to live your life too much about being the best person you can be and try to enjoy your life. Im saying this because sometimes you dont allow yourself to be human and not be perfect and be ok with that. It tends to be always doing things to the best of your ability all the time but sometimes you need to just take a step back and relax. Ive been thru that path and i still believe in it and dont want to do things just because other people would think of me different but i also dont want to be so extreme to where im almost repressing myself. I guess if you disagree thats fine also because thats just my opinion but sometimes you need to be more flexible in life.

[Leon]

Thanks for the thought out reply. Yeah I guess this is the first time that I can see that I am very specific about what I want in companionship. I think the fact that you were the only one to reply so far kind of shows what kind of situation I'm in. I really feel like most people are very two dimensional and I come of as stand offish to most people. Its hard when you're so use to observing people's behavior and you can't do anything about it. I just feel like people don't really have cold hard standards these days.

[mr me]

Well i can kinda agree with being stand offish but thats sometimes do to the fact that the way you see things is usually alot different then most people. I also dont change what im thinking or saying because of that so i dont thinking people get that safety in numbers feeling. I can say lately ive even been falling into that but thats more from my personal issues and not my view on things. Its weird too because what ill see is people will sometimes both be right and they cant see outside of themselves to understand that and will just fight over it. I think they probably even like to fight over it for some type of excitement or something different.

 

Id say people can just get the wrong idea about someone if they dont get to know them. Its just at the same time people in general can be judgmental so thats another issue to deal with because you dont always want those type of people around. I just see that life is hard as it is and being different makes it tougher so it does take some time to really find ways to deal with it. I also see that ive needed to work out how i feel towards people because sometimes you see the negative about someone before you get to see the positive. I would also try to see if there is anything you can do to find people who are more like you so you dont focus too much on how your different. I think it would be nice to see how you being different can also be a good thing.