She says Im Smothering her

[Awrey88]

Ive been dating my current girlfriend for two years, this past year she has been away at school. At first everything was going well, it always seemed like she really needed to talk to me, and for me to comfort her. I was always there whenever she has needed me. But this last semester things have been getting rough around the edges a little bit. Now she doesn't need me as much and I need her now. She claims she doesn't have any time because of school in which she pocratinates, and claims that bills and looking after herself take up the rest of the time. I love her more than life itself and the more I show it the more it pushes her away. Im all alone and I have no one to talk to, if I ever have any problems I cannot talk to her anymore because she wont make time for me. I make sacrifices all the time for her, and do whats best for us. She says Im selfish, and that is bullshit, I do everything for her, I only want a little back. I know she loves me but I like to hear how much she cares about me somtimes. I hope that someone reads this and understands my situation, I do not want someone to be telling me Im insicure, or selfish because Im neither, even if I wanted to I wouldn't get the chace to be.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I know exactly where you are. The exact same thing happened between me and my ex. Once things were no longer convenient for her then things fell apart. I spent the entire relationship giving things up so I could be with her, and in the end she wasn't willing to give up anything for me. The sad part is that you're being used. Now that you're looking for something from her you're going to see who she really is and what she really thinks about you, where she puts you on her list of priorities. Sounds like you aren't very height so she's just going to keep making excuses about how she can't see you, or help or give her time to you. Sadly, I don't think things are going to work out well for you. I hope I'm wrong.

[kungfumaster]

Hey Awrey88,

 

I know exactly how you feel. I was in that position 3 months ago (LDR too). She was too busy and didn't have the time anymore.

 

One of the mistakes I had done in my past relationship was that all the good friends I had before I met my ex I had somewhat lost touch with. So when my partner wasn't there for me, I didn't have anyone to talk to. I mean, I didn't lose complete touch with them, but I wasn't as close to them like I use too. But, thankfully, when I did start contacting them again - they were there for me - as good friends should.

 

So I recommend Awrey - get in contact with your friends again - go out with them, have fun - don't worry about your g/f so much. She has her stuff to do, so go do your own stuff!. Even family is good too - do you have siblings? Go hang out with them - talk to them about your situation-I don't think its healthy to completely rely on our partners to make us happy or comforted all the time (especially in a LDR) - we have to rely on ourselves, or the friends around us.

 

I know how you are feeling, and what I've said above is probably hard to do - but just try - and I think you'll feel better.

 

Good luck and best wishes, Kungfu

[Beec]

I won't tell you that you are insecure or selfish, but what do you want?? To convince your girlfriend you aren't? Or to keep her and keep her happy? Try convincing her how unselfish you are. Go ahead.

[vfunkera]

Back off right now boy! Get away right now, and do not make the same mistake i did or else she will dump you very soon. Do not let your insecurities get the best of you.

 

Remember women do not accept any worship or desperation from a man. Any sign of it and your turning her off.

 

-Loving someone is no excuse for compromising your self respect. Giving unconditional love is wonderful, but ONLY when it's returned. She uses it against you. Back off now.

 

-Do not ever start treating a woman like gold, because she will believe she is gold. Once she believes it, she will dump you because you have lead her to believe that she can do BETTER than you. Once she thinks that, she will want to REPLACE YOU with someone better, because you have given her reasons to believe that YOU ARE WORTHY."

Thats the mistake i made and thats the mistake your making.

 

What you need to do is start being independent of her. She is starting to run and you are chasing. You need to start hanging out with mates and the boys a bit more. This shouldn't just be happening now. It should be consistent in any relationship. Leading a second life and not being dependant on the partner makes you all the more attractable, confident and desirable, and less insecure and dependant. Unless you are willing to achieve real independence, it's very foolish to try to develop any relationship skills.

 

Good luck

[Beec]

well said, vfunkera.