Confused about her signals ... going too fast?

[jetset]

I met this girl at a book group about a week ago. She told me that she wanted to read this book that I have, so we swapped e-mail addresses and agreed to meet sometime so I could lend it to her. I thought she had a nice smile, and while we talked I noticed that she played with her hair a fair bit.

 

During the week, we swapped messages pretty much every other day. She seems really interesting to me, I randomly told her I was thinking about writing some haikus, so she wrote me one, then we went back and forth exchanging haikus a few times, which I thought was fun. There was no flirting as far as I could tell, just being playful?

 

We talked on the phone yesterday and met for a quick casual dinner at a cafe near where she lives so I could give her the book. We talked some more and it found more similar stuff we like. I was a little worried about coming accross as needy (I gave her a hug when I saw her, and I kinda regretted being so open after the fact), but overall I think it went well, I cracked some jokes and I think we had a nice time.

 

Today she sent me an e-mail saying "I just wanted to say thank you for loaning me the book and for your company yesterday. I had fun talking and I enjoyed getting the chance to know you better. I hope you made it to your class on time!"

 

I am a little worried that this happening fast and that I might turn her off (maybe I have already by being too forward yesterday?). I am also not sure how to reply to her e-mail (beyond saying "I had fun talking and I also enjoyed getting to know you better").

 

Any advice? I hate that I'm feeling so silly and nervous about this ...

 

-jetset

[sphinx999]

No your not going to fast you are just enjoying yourself, just tell her you had a great time and would love to do it another time, if you want to. Enjoy yourself and if it develops so be it.

sphinx x

[Beec]

I like sphinx's advice. I would just say:

 

"I had fun talking with you and enjoyed getting to know you better. Hope we can do it again."

[Doctor Menard]

You are going at a great pace. IF you are really attracted to her, however, you dont want to get caught up in the lowly "Just Friends" platonic status. So, were I in your shoes, I'd try and make it apparent to her that I was attracted, and I wanted to see her as more than simple buddies. Try a bit of light flirting, compliment her eyes, her hair, start some "light touching" her shoulders, her arms, see where that goes, and dont go overboard with the hugs, dont get her used to being in your arms on a strictly platonic level.

 

Keep "getting to know her better." Go to the cinema, go to coffee shops, rent a video, keep in touch via E-mail, and the phone. But dont over do it, make her want to look forward to your calls/e-mails. Keep us posted.

[jetset]

Thanks a lot for the advice, I appreciate it and will post back with how it goes!

[woobiegirl]

From a gal's point of view, It appears you two are off to a very nice start...especially the way you met. "Not the bar scene." It also sounds like you two have allot in common and enjoy each other's company. Not an easy quality to find these days!

 

Go with the flow, it's sincere...and she seems to be responding in a favorable way, so I would imagine she likes you more than a friend too.

 

Good luck,

Woobiegirl

 

[jetset]

OK, so I asked her out to something I was pretty sure she would also enjoy, but she was busy that evening, and here is what she said:

 

Unfortunately I already have plans for this evening, but I almost wish I didn't because it sounds amazingly right up my alley. Are you still going to go? I'd love to know how it goes!

 

I asked her to this the day before, so it is not entirely surprising that she may have made other plans. Nonetheless, I am now trying to figure out how to ask her to something else without really asking (coming accross as needy or always the person doing the asking). Should I just wait to see if she suggests something on her own? We are both busy (socially and otherwise) it seems.

 

Thanks again for the advice.

[Beec]

Just ask her out. She seems to want to go places with you, so ask her out.

 

If you cannot, search for something to go to with her, ask her a week in advance and then pay attention to her body language when you are with her.

[woobiegirl]

Sounds like your event for the date was right on ...it's just that she had prior plans. It's also good on her behalf that she didn't drop her plans since they could have been with a friend, which means she stands behind her commitments.

 

Her reply was very positive by her mentioning it was "amazingly" right up her alley and....she wanted feedback on how it went, so she's keeping the lines of communication open. I wouldn't wait to see if she suggests a get-together, maybe mention you would like together...when is a good time for her since you both have busy schedules? Then I would wait for her response.

 

I personally like when a man makes it clear he want's to see me, as I don't like guessing. She is giving you good vibes back...you'll know if she's not interested, the signs are usually there. Besides, if she's seeing anyone else on a casual level, your persistence will show your interest, and still not seem pushy.

 

Hope it works out for you,

Woobiegirl