So i like a friend

[Wicket]

Sorry long post of me rambling but i felt the need to tell everything.... i am sure i missed something else i wanted to say haha.

 

Well let me start off by saying i am a very shy guy, i have been since elementry school and up through high school. Since college i can say i have come out of my shell a tiny bit but not much. I am now in my early 20's and never had a girlfriend. In fact, up until last year i never even had girls who were friends!

 

So recently my buddy and I and well our small group of friends have started hanging out with his older cousin and her roommate (the one i like). i had met them years before but really only saw them once in a blue moon. Anyway they are like 2 years older than us.

 

We all started hanging out more often almost a year ago. At first i didn't really have any feeling, i thought that she was cute but that's about it. As the months have gone by our group of friends have been hanging out more often, now like 3-4 times a month. We've become more friendly and as i am learning more things about her i have started to feel myself being attracted to her. She likes a lot of the same stuff i do, and thinks a lot like me to.

 

More recently (like the last 2 months) we've even begun talking to each other often through instant messenger. At first once or twice a week. Now its like 4-5 times a week. Just talking about random stuff mostly, sometimes just to say how are you, sometimes we joke around, and sometimes we make fun of each other lol... we sometimes talk for as little as 5-10 minutes and then sometimes for as long as 2-3 hours. I would say i initiate the conversations at least 60% of the time, but she's done her fair share of starting the conversation to. When we are together in person were usually with our group of friends so ive never had any real alone time with her but we generally have fun together as we find the same things funny. From what i can tell she definatly does like me as a friend but i can't tell if she likes me more than that. A factor in this might be because i know she is shy to, not nearly as shy as me but i know she is a little bit. Another fact to kinda support her being shy is that she's only had one boyfriend in the past and it was like 4-5 years ago.

 

Ive had crushes on girls before in high school and college but none ever really lasted for more than a few weeks just because i had no interaction with these girls other than seeing them. Right now is a little different situation because of course i interact with this girl often and for the first time i am more attracted to a girl not because of her looks but for her personality. (though i still think she's cute lol)

 

I don't go a day without thinking about her, i go to sleep thinking about her and i wake up thinking about her, its funny i just can't stop lol. She puts a smile on my face and i always can't wait to see her again. I guess i am lovesick or something haha.

 

I don't know if i am looking for advice, or if i was just looking for a way to vent my feelings and just have someone read it and know how i feel, but if you have advice for me it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this long post.

[Umlunguusa]

Okay, man, I'm a guy who is now in the situation to date his own bestfriend, and first off, let me tell you that I'm still considering whether or not to (but probably will, lol).

 

With that said, the best thing you can do at this stage is CUT THE SUPPLY OF YOURSELF SHORT A LITTLE!!! don't always be so available, sometimes if she wants to talk, talk for not as long as usual. don't ALWAYS answer her calls (but don't ignore them constantly) because you want her to miss you a little.

 

and also, let her know you have a life. what I mean by that is keep yourself distracted with other things, don't let her be the sole focus.

 

and most of all, don't let her get too used to you! else, she might not be as attracted to you that way!

 

also, this is another important one: FLAUNT YOUR SEXUALITY!!! by that, I don't mean be a perv, I just mean remind her every once in a while in subtle ways that you're still a man, and you think about sex. I.e, talk about sexual fantasies sometime. again, it's a balancing act, as you don't want to force it, but you want to make it brought up naturally.

 

why? so you can make her associate sexual thoughts with you.

 

and why am I telling you all this? because this is what generally works, and it worked for me! (only thing is, I didn't do it on purpose, and SHE admitted feelings for ME, not vice versa)

 

although, before you do any of this, you may want to ask her out first? I don't know enough about her feeligns towards you to judge that. has she referred to you as her brother, best friend, etc. (all [usually] bad signs, btw)

[Wicket]

Thanks for the reply, actually what you said reminded me that i don't even have her phone number and she doesn't even have mine. Like i said all our encounters are through our friends, my buddy and his cousin and when we talk to each other through instant messenger. I don't know how talking on the phone with her would even work out for me. Im not a big talker when it comes to talking on the phone. I actually know the same is true for her, ive heard her say she hates talking on the phone.

 

For her feeling towards me, i don't know. I definatly don't think she views me as a brother, were not that close since we've only just started hanging out more frequently this year. I don't think she would consider me her best friend. My buddy's cousin would be her best friend because they've lived together for about the last 6 years. As for guys that are just friends im pretty sure i am only 1 of 5 she regularly hangs out with. The other 4 being my friends. Of the five of us she definatly talks to me the most when were together and online through instant messenger.

 

Well i can see im beginning to write a long post again so maybe i should stop for the moment and wait for a few more replies.