So close and dont want to mess this up.

[habsrule30]

Hey guys i could really use advice.

 

Long story short my gf dumped me about 8 months ago and she started seeing someone else very soon afterwards. I went n/c and whenever i bumped into her she would begin to cry and tell me she missed me,, fter that we would hang out for a while and she would lose interest and go back to her bf.

We hadnt talked for about 2 months and we ran into eahother. We ended up talking for 6 hours about our relationship, she tld me she has feelings for me always ahs always will, that shes not happy with her bf and that she feels terrible for breaking up with me. So i say it wont be easy but lets try our relationship again slowly from the start, so now she gets all confused and i tell her look if its that hard say no and thats it no drama, either you want to be with me or not. So in the same night she sais no, but promises we will get together "eventually" she kept repeating im not ready for you your too good for me.... I handle it well and say ii respect that see you later.

So the next day she asks me too hang out and i couldnt make it. Yesterday however we spent the day together downtown and then we hung out alter at night again. I know she hasnt seen her bf in a few weeks and she told me she hasnt bee able to sleep with him because she finds it weird being with someone else. This has all happened in the last 3 days and i need advice on how to not mess this up. I want her back. Should i keep spending time with her like this or will that show that im too available. Its really hard to trust my instincts at the moment. But even though shes showing me all of this attention i am aware she is still with this guy and im trying to keep a bit of distance.

[Tired Tiger]

Personally, I would do *nothing* until the other guy is out of the picture... for good.

[hockeyboy]

a) you are chasing her far to much. she breaks up with you...you want to get back together...she tells you no, but "eventually" and then you try hanging out with her more. never mind, how is she supposed to miss you/realize what she gave up....she will likely also start to loose respect for you (whether she realizes it or not) for chasing her around.

 

b) she has a boyfriend. you two are being disrespectful to that. while i certainly understand that you don't care much about him...lets say you two did get back together...would you not worry she'd do to you, what she's doing to this guy? hanging out with other guys behind your back....

 

c) habs don't rule

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

if she dumped you then, at the time of the break up she had the power. As you moved on she lost it, and i feel now she MAY be trying to get that power over you again.

 

I say move forward, but cautiously, and make no promises until the other man is completely out of the picture.

[ratfreak]

Ya, I would steer clear.

 

If she's doing this to this new guy, she'll do it to you if you do get back together.

[habsrule30]

you guys are right. Just shes making it seem like its not working with the new guy because shee never got over me but i doubt she'll eever be truthfull to get what she wants. Im goning to tell her either dump him or no me thats it.

 

Thanks so much guys.

[habsrule30]

i told her but i think its too late...she asked me last night to hang out and showed up my door so i saw her for a few minutes and then we went home and we talke don msn and i told her she has a bf we shuldnt see eachother like this befor i do something stupid.

 

Now we talked this morning quickly and shes acting as if she dosnt care and....ah i dont know what shes doing. 4 days ago she said she could never stop thinknig about me and now this

[habsrule30]

k so i need a last bit of advice guys..

 

so in the 8 months wev been apart of iniciated nc about 3-5 times...then we'll meet randomely hang out intensly for a week she'll get bored, i get pissed and ignore her again. Everytime however the pain becomes a bit less but i can only imagine how mcu hrespect iv lost with her. Same thing has just happened, she is on the verge of a break up with her bf and i thought id have a chance so i wet all out and she got bored. Do i keep doing this and how i do escapce wihtout losing too much respect...its so hard

[Clabs]

Hi Habs

 

Well, she is keeping you dangling allright. She yanks your chain and she knows you will come running. She doesn't respect you or the other guy.

 

How can you put a stop to these unhealthy cycles? Well, you have to break the cycle - you have to respect yourself first. Don't allow yourself to get sucked back in.

 

I know it is not easy but then again, where is all this getting you? Once you break the cycle and leave her lame behaviour behind, you will be able to start making some progress in getting over the relationship. It is hard at first, but you have to start somewhere - and it will get easier.

 

What do you think? Time to walk away? Or time to carry on spinning your weels?

 

Mark

[stickman]

Great advice from all above....

 

This is a classic case. So many times these behaviors in our ex were present before we got involved. This is why it is very important to fact find about the other person early. As another example: When someone "jokes" about commitments...trust me...they most likely will not commit to you either. We...(especially ME)...must listen to people and look at all their behaviors...not just the ones we like or the ones we are most attracted to.

 

It may be better to put your energy in to a new better relationship with someone else that is fresh.

[habsrule30]

thanks guys. I did it today. imnstead of teling her to leave forever i just told her i dont care for this anymore and i dont want to be there when she needs, help. I think this hurt her more than ever as she freasked out and start asking for my friends phonenumbers so she could call and b*** at them..

 

Im ready to move without her thanks so mcuh

[Tired Tiger]

she freasked out and start asking for my friends phonenumbers so she could call and b*** at them..

Good thing nobody here on the board posts their numbers then, right?