What to do when she needs time to "work on herself&quot

[kleptoz28]

I'm in a an odd situation with my now-ex-girlfriend and I really don't know what to do about it. A little background...

I'm 22, she's 20. I've known her back in high school, but didn't really get to know her well until about a year ago. We dated a year ago and it lasted about three months, but we had to break up because she was stuck on a lease with an ex and it created a seriously odd situation when me and her would run into her ex and his girlfriend.

 

I didn't contact her at all, and was more than a little surprised when she called me in January. She wanted to be friends, but it quickly evolved back into a relationship between the two of us. We were practically inseperable and did everything together since we had such similar interests. But sometimes our getting closer would be hindered because she constantly worried about the debt her ex left her with (from their lease). Some says seemed perfect, and others she was too depressed to do anything. Four days ago, she lost her job and she decided to break up with me. She says she needs "time to work on herself" and "cant manage a relationship now".

 

On some level, I know its true that she should concentrate on fixing her financial situation. And its obvious that she's going through some depression. But it really hurts that she thinks she needs to be alone to do that.

 

She wanted to be "friends" for a while, but I told her that I couldn't handle that right away and wanted to limit contact with her for a while. The only time I've saw her was today, when I took some of her things back to her. During the brief time I spoke to her, I found out that she's been very upset about breaking up and has been at home drinking every night since. (of course, so have I) She did tell me that when she was ready to be in a relationship, I would be the first one she called, but that she had no clue when or if that would happen.

 

I don't know what to do. I'm almost afraid she'll mess up her life worse if I don't talk to her and she gets even more depressed. I really love this girl and want to be with her. Should I continue limiting contact and hope she comes back to me again? (or is that too much to hope for?) I'm open to just about any suggestions here.

[rich_1517]

first off, get busy.

 

occupy your time, this will work in your favor. she has asked for space give it to her no matter how hard that is. she may need help but she has made a decision to go it alone.

 

she needs to miss you and for that to work you have to be not there.

 

remember she broke it off so anything you do to help will be seen as pressure for your needs to be with her.

 

i hate to be so blunt but having just gone through this trust me i know.

 

stay away, be fine when she calls. go to forum index and look at nittgy gritty of no contact and rules for no contact. it really works.

 

but you have to get grounded emotionally to see clearly here. HAVE TO. there is no other way. your needs will come through anything you do right now.

 

you are doing fine, the friends reaction on your part was exactly right.

[kleptoz28]

Just over a week after we broke up, she called me telling me how much she loved me and missed me. Apparently all it took a little bit of time away to make her realize that. But now she seems more interested in having a serious relationship than she ever did before.

 

Not quite sure I understand the reasoning behind it, but I can't complain.

[rich_1517]

thats great!

 

but remember the things that may have set her off into thinking why she needed time to herself. do you know why? try to see the singals before it comes up again and maybe you can avoid it.

 

also if you are angry or hurt try to get rid of those feelings or they may crop up as resentment towards her.

 

but thats a good story to hear. im happy for you.

[danimal77]

Dude,

 

Read my post. Respect her wishes and be a friend to her. It's not all she really wants. She is hurting really bad and she wants to be with you, but is clouded with pain. See her through it and let her know that you are still that same man she met. It's about what she wants and needs right now. Be a man and support her, but do not let go. I guarantee you, she may explore, but if she loves you, she'll be back in your arms. My gf left me high and dry for a month and a half and it killed me, but she's back now, but that's not where it ends. I'm a work in progress. I am loving and supportive, but am much more independent and understanding this time around. A lot stronger and I not only cater to her heart, but to her head as well and that's crucial.

 

Believe and never give up and you shall achieve what the world may say as being an impossibility. Nothing is impossible.

 

Hope this helps,

 

Dan