Am I being too hard on him?

[PuzzlingItOut]

After 2 years of dating, he popped the question. Two months later, things are a nightmare and we have split. We've had ups and downs since then - is it supposed to take this long to split up? We've never actually reconciled but we've talked off and on. Yes, usually initiated by me - so much so that he feels quite sure that 'I called him' even if he did call me.

 

I've been stuck in ambivalence - is it worth saving or is it better this way? He says he is there too. I kept in contact with him enough to know that I still find his company enjoyable - he feels the same. He misses me - I miss him. Sounds fine.

 

But according to him - it isn't. He doesn't know if he wants to try again. He is trying to figure it out. I told him that I couldn't be friends with him - that it was tearing me up inside to have him tease me with the possibility of getting back together and then flip-flop to being dead-determined to keep me away.

 

I feel like I'm going nuts and the only way to stop that from happening is to stay away from him. I dread the possibility that he will eventually figure out that he does want me back - and that I won't want to anymore.

 

Was I too hard on him to say that I couldn't handle the Jekyll-Hyde routine? And has anyone actually ever gotten their ex back (and been happy they did?)?

[PuzzlingItOut]

Wow, after spending a lot of time reading everyone's posts - I feel like such a fool. OF COURSE I am pushing him away! Oh my! I feel like calling and apologizing for being 'Fatal Attraction'. I was fooling myself to think that it was okay for me to get all twisted up about how he was acting and staying aloof. I'd call him and bash around emotionally - like I did the other night. GROOOOOOOOOOOOOAN!

 

Ugh. what's a girl to do. The poor guy is talking about thinking it through and he is reading that book I gave him about how to decide whether to stay or go. So I should just be a good strong girl and wait - right? Ugh. If only I weren't such a pig right now. House is wreck, child is bored, face is spotty! What happened to that sexy sylph I used to be?

 

God, I'd just love to go on a date and be seen out by him. But truly, I can't seem to handle being close to him. He invariably says something that seems so innocent 'I miss you', etc. and there I go off the deep end again.

 

Ugh. Have sprayed oven cleaner into oven in foolish attempt to get life in order. It'll probably be there a week from now. Time to hire a maid. Right, I'll do something terribly productive RIGHT NOW.

 

Wrote little javascript to track how long its been since we've spoken (I called him but honestly did not know 'No contact' rule) = 2 days:16 hours:0 min:9 sec. Would make me feel so much better to have it say 12 days or 22 days. One day at a time, right? I don't hate self - but not terribly fond of self right now.

[PuzzlingItOut]

HELP!!!

 

time since last contact = 3 days:10 hours:27 min:35 sec

 

So far so good on the no contact - I guess. I feel terrible about giving him a hard time though. I left it on the terms that if he REALLY REALLY thought things were too good to leave then call me - otherwise I couldn't be his friend. I just couldn't do it. I said that I had accomplished what I'd wanted to which was to give him this book and deciding whether or not to keep a relationship. I also said that I needed to focus on what I'd learned from the book - remember the clarity I got from it.

 

Why is it so easy for them to screw up our heads? I was just fine and then - bam he brings up things that lead me to believe that he feels the same way I do (did?).

 

I want to get on with my life because I do not believe that I can trust him with my heart anymore. If he were to come back now and say 'yes, yes, yes' would I really agree? I am afraid of the answer. I am afraid that I would jump right back into his arms. Geez, I've got the backbone of an earthworm.

 

I sure hope you guys can offer some words of advice - please? Did I do the right thing when I said that I can't be friends? Or did I screw up since he's actually thinking about the relationship in terms of it might just be too good to lose it? HELP!