How do I break up with her? It seems so complicated..

[Finch]

I have been going out with my girlfriend for a little more than 6 months now. We got back together sometime in September and before that we had gone out for about 3 months, so we have known each other and been together for a very long time since we are both still in high school.

 

We have both lost our virginity to each other, and she is still infatuated with me and I just don't feel the same about her anymore. I lost the attraction for her that I once had, both in personality and looks. I've been contemplating breaking up with her for about 3 months now but haven't broken up with her because I wanted to try everything possible to fix things before I ended it. Maybe that wasn't a good idea.. but anyway.

 

I don't know how to break up with her. I haven't ever had to break up with anyone who has been infatuate with me before, and I know it's going to break her heart and I don't want to hurt her. I still love her, I'm just not in love with her.

 

I have already spoken to her several times about how my feelings have changed, so she is well aware that I don't feel the same way about her. I made it a point to be totally honest to her about my feelings since the first time we broke up, when she broke up with me, she wasn't honest with me and that just crushed me more than anything. I think she knows that I might be breaking up with her soon. Things have gotten pretty bad between us.

 

Things are more complicated as well. We are going to prom on March 13th, so I'm definitely not going to break up with her before prom. That would just be bad for both of us. Then she also hasn't gotten her period yet. We have already been to Planned Parenthood and they said that her period is probably definitely going to come, but it's going to be late since she took a morning after pill and that messes up your period. I just don't want to break up with her before I know that she isn't pregnant. She got a pregnancy test when she went in to Planned Parenthood and they said that it came back negative but to check back in 2 weeks just to be sure. So she's going to get another test done on this upcoming Tuesday. I think if I do break up with her, I will break up with her after Tuesday. I wouldn't want to break up with her before that just incase she is pregnant, which I highly doubt.

 

So my question is what do you think I should do and how should I go about breaking up with this girl that is totally in love with me? I feel a little like a jerk, just because she is so in love with me and I don't even want to hug her anymore. I also feel like a jerk because I'm thinking about breaking up with her shortly after prom and pretty soon after she gets her second pregnancy test. Should I feel like a jerk?

[MelikeMI]

How: Just be honest with her, you answered you own question. Tell her everything that you've just posted.

 

Explain that:

 

"I've been contemplating breaking up with her for about 3 months now but haven't broken up with her because I wanted to try everything possible to fix things before I ended it."

" have already spoken to her several times about how my feelings have changed"

 

"I still love you, I'm just not in love with you."

 

How can you say that she's aware that your feelings have changed but she still wants to be together? I don't think she gets it if that were the case.

 

 

When: For damn sure wait until the test is back before you tell her. I'd say one week after prom

 

Where: her place, or somewhere close to her palce

 

 

You're worried about hurting her feelings, I know but think about it, there really isnt a way to avoid hurting her feelings. It's going to happen no matter what. Well maybe if you get her a rose, some candy or maybe a slurpee, will lighten the blow. Slow things in case she's a thrower

[Mar]

I have to agree that there's no easy way to break up with someone, since there's ALWAYS going to be one side who really doesn't want it to happen. But, as Me said, be honest. Let her know that you wouldn't be being honest with her if you stayed with her, since you just don't feel that love there anymore, but assure her that she's not a bad person, she did nothing WRONG, you just don't feel the same. Let her know you do LOVE her, and that she is special to you, but that you've lost interest in the relationship, and, in fairness to her and yourself, you feel you have to move on. And, playing this out in my head as I'm typing it, yes, it sounds cruel-but I've also learned that I'll take what sounds like cruelty over a cheap line like "I need my space" any day. I appreciate honesty above all else, regardless of how I might feel about what's being told to me.

 

So let her know, gently, that you feel you have to move on to be honest to her and yourself, and that you don't want to drag out what you feel for you is an inevitable end. And, as time passes and she gets over the hurt (and you as well, since you'll hurt, too) maybe you can be friends. It's certainly possible, and you might find that you're better as friends than as a couple. Good luck, and be strong-she'll be upset, but you're both young, and she'll get over it quicker than you think!

 

Mar

[Chrysalis_77]

I agree with those 2 posts above. Be honest, tell her gently. One thing you must realize that no one likes to get dumped. Imagine you're in that position, am sure you'd want to be treated good too even it hurts you.

Hope all will get better soon.