after what time dumpers usually come back?

[needs]

Do you guys think that it has to do with gender that they come back? A lot of guys come back but I have heard that when a girl is done, she's done. I don't know what to believe. I'd like her to come back when I don't care about her anymore so she can know how it feels. wishful thinking I know

[Shawngs2]

Question...

 

For everyone that came back...

 

 

Were any of them so sure they didn't love you, or so sure they'd never have feelings for you?

Did they say they wanted to be friends?

What kind of break up was it?

 

And did you push them away first and do the whole crazy act for a week or two?

And did they still come back after you left them alone awhile?

 

I am very curious to see...

 

And are these cases where THEY dumped you. Those are the ones I'm interested in mostly.

[sillygurl]

Do you guys think that it has to do with gender that they come back? A lot of guys come back but I have heard that when a girl is done, she's done. I don't know what to believe. I'd like her to come back when I don't care about her anymore so she can know how it feels. wishful thinking I know

 

I think it has less to do with gender than emotion- I'm a girl (ha ha, obviously by my name!) and I broke up with my bf because I caught him doing something seriously wrong. We'd broken up and gotten back together in the past, the breakup always initiated by him, and usually the reunion initiated by him as well.

 

The thing is, I still loved him, even when I walked out on him. I just wanted us to take a break, learn and grow... we'd had some rocky things in our past, and neither of us knew how to move on, emotionally, from the rocky parts. Honestly, I'd hoped we could get back together in a few years, once he'd had a chance to play the field, and I'd had a chance to heal

 

It was hell, it was so difficult to stay away at first! He met another girl immediately and I was happy for him... still am, actually. It's embarrassing to admit, but I still miss him every day, even 4 months later, even though I know he isn't the best thing for me right now.

[Elsewhere]

Wow sillygurl you were happy when he met another girl? That's so thick skinned and "heart-intelligent", I wish I could...

 

I find that after my 4 months I actually feel worse, I'm weaker instead of stronger, and my attitude is becoming more begging and needy instead of indifferent and independent

and that's with NC!

 

 

Shawn, I understand you're describing your situation and asking if there's still hope?

Well it's kind of my story - he came back very soon, cause he was lonely and depressed, needed sex and company - we all understand these are wrong reasons so my happiness didn't last long, he left shortly after that and here I am 4 painful months later

As a consolation, second break up doesn't hurt that bad cause you've already been through it and feel like you've done all you could - hopefully won't hapen to you! Good luck

[ratfreak]

With my 1st serious bf... he dumped me and came back the next day.

It was the biggest mistake of my life to take him back.

All the abuse just got worst, the cheating continued and nothing got better.

 

I ended it soon after.

He wanted to come back and didn't respect my asking for NC.

 

He contacted me a year after we broke up asking how I was etc.

I asked him not to contact me ever again and he hasn't.

 

If they walk away from you once, it's crazy to hope they will come back.

Duh and as I write this, I'm secretly hoping that my last will change his mind [it's been 4 weeks].

[Elsewhere]

OK, all your posts are priceless, but I need to clarify the question:

 

If he comes for any uncertain reason, meaning it's not clearly stated want you back", we don't consider it a comeback right?

 

Cause I have this thought that maybe, as it was posted before, some dumpers just want to feel us out before exposing their feelings and intentions. They don't want to see sorta door slammed on their face if they hear: oh now you want me back, no way.

[IMAbadman]

Well... I mean most approaches come in disguise. You've got to remember your EX is going to protect their heart from being shattered too. I mean think about how it would feel to say to someone, “I want to get back together, I love you.” They in turn say, “You’ve got a small pee pee and your mama is ugly. Drop dead a-hole.” You’d be hurt wouldn’t you?

 

So they may approach feeling you out and seeing how receptive you are to them and BAM… “I want to get back together, I love you.”

[jammer180]

Well... I mean most approaches come in disguise. You've got to remember your EX is going to protect their heart from being shattered too. I mean think about how it would feel to say to someone, “I want to get back together, I love you.” They in turn say, “You’ve got a small pee pee and your mama is ugly. Drop dead a-hole.” You’d be hurt wouldn’t you?

 

So they may approach feeling you out and seeing how receptive you are to them and BAM… “I want to get back together, I love you.”

 

well crap, now i feel bad that i totally blew up at my ex when he contacted me 6 months after we broke up! hahaha... i still don't really know what he wanted, but i do know that he was still with the girl he left me for at that point.. so i guess i'll just stick with my original idea that he was just trying to see that i was doing ok so he didn't have to feel badly anymore. when he contacted me i told him for the first time that i had known about her and knew he'd dumped me for her, i must have totally made him feel horrible... if he was feeling me out to see how receptive i was, then i guess the reason i haven't heard from him again in nearly 2 months is becuase i made him feel like an a hole for what he did to me.... sigh.. who knows... it's been nearly 9 months now and i still think of him everyday, and sometimes i still feel like crying. maybe i should've been nicer when he contacted me....

 

i guess i'll never know now

[IMAbadman]

NICER?!? What the hell for? The guy dumped you for some other woman. He cheated… played you and hurt you. All for his selfish wants. He didn’t care about your emotions then, only his and what he wanted.

 

So… After 6 months he contacts you probably looking for forgiveness because he is a scumbag and feeling rightfully so. So then you say, “Oh baby I forgive you for cheating on me and dumping me for another woman.” All so he can feel better about himself. AIN’T HAPPENING!

 

Personally I think you did the right thing. Blow up on him. Even better be calm and relaxed and say, “Well (EX) I’ve realized you are nothing more than a cheating, selfish, bastard. Quite frankly I’m glad I got out when I did. Buh bye.”

[StillConfused]

It sucks that they think that they can just pop back in like nothing has happened. It is so heart wrenching. Do they have no compassion, no feeling? Do they homnestly think that after all that time has passed and you did not contact them that you really want them to contact you? It makes me angry and sad at the same time. it really does set you back and hurt all over again. My ex tried to contact me today . So tonight i shut my cell off so he has no chance of making me cry tonight.

[Elsewhere]

I'm so sorry for that Confused!

 

I feel differently though. I pray every night for my ex to contact me, and every crumb of attention fills me with joy - because I'm an idiot...

But yes he thinks that after weeks and weeks of silence, he can just call in the middle of the night and stop by for sex! I'm wondering what exacly about me is screaming " * * * * * house right here". I thought he was a considerate beautiful person but he is just a douche, only now I see it: he knows that if I have feelings for him, "breakup sex" will only hurt me again, and if I'm clear of love, I'm not gonna want to sleep with him! I thought he'd know that much about me!

[canali]

IMO The only person you should be concerned with coming back is yourself: coming back as one who is stronger more healed more loving of self and others etc ....thus as one who is more truly powerful in a healthy sense ...move on people....the only real rescuer is YOU.

[and again]

Im really wondering if this applys to my ex, i was starting to grt to the point of moveing on after being broke up for 10weeks, which she did by letter, saying how it was nothing to do with me, and that she only ever wanted to be alone and would stay that way forever. And she would not regret it in 12months or 2yrs time.

She had always had really bad relationships before me been cheated on etc.

One bit of contact 5weeks ago, which i made because thought she had personal problems, the call wasnt to do with our relationship. But in conversation, she said i`ll tell you what im doing , and thats working and staying in, and i wish you would move on and go with someone else. (which she had no reason to think i hadnt done).

Then nothing till late one night last week , she txt`s saying " sorry for being snappy few weeks ago, had a lot on mind, im sorry for hurting you, i hope if we see eachother out we can be friends, if you cant be friends i dont blame you, i dont want any hard feelings"

I replied two days later with " hi just to say i got your txt, hope you are ok and have a good week"

I dont know if she is reaching out or just being friendly, it just seems weird that it took 5 weeks.

Any ideas?? thanks

[Elsewhere]

Really hard to say maybe she is carefully trying to figure if she still has a chance, but I wouldn't hope for it.

Txts from exs need to be taken at face value and what this txt says is that she is looking to calm her conscience, nobody likes to feel guilty.

I was just a victim of such thing - he was building a happy relationship already while I was still confused and waiting for the tides to turn.

Move on move on move on - always a good thing.

[canali]

Your exs reply makes me sad as she obviously has a lot of hurt and fear...hope she can see someone perfessional to work through her anger and sadness and fears...hope you are doing ok too.