very confused about my sexuality...

[toria00]

have a problem. well, not really a problem, but i just dont know what my sexual orientation is. i'm 19 and female. at first i said i was bisexual, then lesbian, now i dont know what i am. i know i wont fall in love with a guy because i'm romantically attracted to girls, but i like watching straight porn (i get turned on by male/female sex). the thought of havin sex with a guy with no emotional attachments is kind of a turn on but w/out any kissing.. i dont know if id ever act on it. i do like women though, both sexually and romantically. maybe i am bi. but its just sex with guys. nothing emotional. i dont know. i'm so confused.

[bridey]

I am like you, but the opposite. I identify myself as, and feel that I am straight. However, I have had sex with girls and like girl on girl porn! I do not feel an emotional attachment to women though, where as I do with men. I feel like the emotional part in conjunction with the sexual part is what makes a relationship and that is why I feel I am straight. I don't know if that helps you at all.

[Ash]

At your age, there can be a vast difference in maturity levels between girls and guys, the girls tending to be more mature. It could be that you're not romantically attracted to guys because you're simply more mature than they are, it's really hard for me to say.

 

The other thing that comes to mind is you might be getting physical sexuality somehow mixed up with emotional acceptance of people. The fact that you are physically attracted to guys means that you likely aren't purely homosexual. Perhaps you're bisexual, but you don't seem to know yet. You can identify being emotionally comfortable with girls, you may be very close to some, perhaps even feel you love them. That doesn't necessarily mean you are a lesbian though.

 

I think you need to give it more time. Don't be too concerned about where you're headed, just see what happens. If you have the opportunity in the future to share some experiences with both males and females, perhaps if you're ready you could try and see what happens. You're still very young (at least from my perspective!!) and there's really no need to set a course you'll have to follow for the rest of your life.

 

Try to relax a bit about all of this. Perhaps envision yourself 10 years from now. Do you want to be married, with a husband, and lead a 'conventional' type of life, or do you see yourself settling down with a lady instead? Perhaps you've no way of knowing how you'd feel either way, but you could start evaluation your life and you day to day activities to see if you'd be more comfortable with female companionship or male companionship. Remember that just because you're married, or in a heterosexual relationship, doesn't mean that precludes the chance to hang out with the girls, and bond closely to them as well.

[toria00]

actually, its more than that. id say that im a lesbian if it werent for that one thing. ive never really felt about guys the way i feel about girls. but its just the sex thing. its like a 5 on the kinsey. but even that dont have a name. its really confusing once u think about it. and usually i thought that sexual orientation was more about the emotional thing, which probably answers my question...but i dunno.

 

and yes, i want to be married. in 10 years i see myself with a woman. not a husband. and i want to have kids.

[niet]

correct me if i'm wrong, but i reckon sexual preference is all about who you could fall in love with. i know that's a very individual thing, like, just because someone falls in love with a female, it doesnt mean she has the capability (?) to fall in love with every female..

umm..i think that whoever you fall in love with, what gender they (are assigned??) are, that's how you should go about inferring your sexuality.

so according to that theory, you're gay.

but it's cool to be sexually aroused by everything..

i dunno..

[LoveManolosStilettos]

I think that, what answers ur questions is that u just said that u could c ur self in 10 years w a woman. That to me is the ultimate test. Cuz this lifestile (although we r living in an open minded society) is a very hard one.

[charlotte33]

first of all, good for you for being real and courageous and not just taking the easy way out of ambiguity.

 

I completely relate to your situation. I have felt the way you describe for about 20 years (I'm now thirtysomething). I have had a number of intense relationships, some with men, but now - 20 years later - nothing has really changed. I can have big crushes and enjoy having sex with guys but I FALL IN LOVE with women and I have since I was 13 years old. I am finally coming to terms that being a lesbian is something that comes from my heart - not just from my hormones - and I think that there's something very beautiful about this. For a long time, I resisted coming out or "categorizing" myself as anything. I do think that that is valid and it's important to explore, etc., but your heart is your heart, and the sooner you can understand and honor its integrity, the deeper you can go with it.

 

I think that you do have the answers you're looking for - or at least a big clue.

[skye1607306992]

hello, i am actually have the same case with bridey. but the sad thing is i never got the guts to know my preference. as in i never made a move with a girl that i am attracted to. which i needed advice on

[beckstar333]

I guess the good news is that you can have a comitted relationship and children with a woman, if you want.

 

I am like you. I like watching str8 porn...am not at all emotionally attracted to men, but don't mind thinking about sex with them. However, I fall in love with women very easily and I enjoy sex with them. I consider myself a lesbian. I'm about a 4 or 5 on the kinsey scale.

 

For now, I wouldn't worry too much about the labels. They are a little hard to swallow at first, esp. when a lot of us growing up where "lesbian" is bad...or nothing to aspire to.

 

Just go with how you are feeling and let yourself explore those feelings. Your heart will tell you where you belong.

[niet]

I am finally coming to terms that being a lesbian is something that comes from my heart - not just from my hormones - and I think that there's something very beautiful about this. For a long time, I resisted coming out or "categorizing" myself as anything. I do think that that is valid and it's important to explore, etc., but your heart is your heart, and the sooner you can understand and honor its integrity, the deeper you can go with it.

 

that's beautiful. and true.