ex-boyfriend to friend?

[VickiRose]

Okay, I need some advice here.... I have been dealing with an ex-boyfriend situation, for quiet some time now... See the problem, is that my ex and I have been emailing each other since early January... (after a few months of no-contact) He started by the way... Anyways, I just want to keep in contact with him because he is just a person, who I have really grown to like... Anyways, he asked me to call him... I said NO way... Not describing why I chose not too... Then he wrote back that he just wants to hear my voice, and that we can still talk and be friends, and to think about it... We have tried this friend thing before, and it has led up to nothing good, really no good...

Now, I am kinda wondering what should I do? Should I call him? Or should I ignore him? I mean can ex's really become friends? Can they really? I just don't understand, we were so in love.. Then within one week, he proposed to me, and then at the end of the week he dumped me... I just don't understand how one can go from Love-to-Hate-to-Friends... If ex's do become friends, is there going to be that unspoken desire to get back together?

 

I look forward to hearing your responses, and thank you for reading this post...

[Michael2]

I would right more, but I have to run out.

 

I suggest you dont call him, mainly because I believe you still have feelings for him.

 

Think real deep here, why are you guys talking? What do you expect to get out of this? Why are you allowing him back in your life? Think about these.

[VickiRose]

Michael2,

Your probably right? About not calling him... I guess that's the smart thing to do... Thank you...

[mahlina]

I agree with Michael... Sounds like you have mixed emotions right now. By allowing him back into your life, you're allowing all of the past drama to resurface. The challenge here, is to move on. You'll find better. If the relationship did not work out to begin with, how is it going to change the second time around? Besides, you telling him not to call you, could be even more of a challenge for him to win you back.

 

You have to ask

1. What are his alterior motives?

2. If he really loved me, then what were the main reasons for our break-up.

3. If I let him back into my life, am I strong enough, and willing to accept the consequences?

 

You have to weigh out your pros' and cons.' Perhaps, he hasn't found anyone new yet. There are many reasons as to why he might want you back in his life, but to me, it doesn't sound like he wants something permanant. If the relatioship was meant to be, then wouldn't both couples stick through and try to put forth all efforts to work things out the first time around?

 

I don't know all of the details about your situation, but go with Micheal's advice, just to be safe. There are things in life that we don't want to let go of, people who we love, but decieve us. So we should not stop to question why, or hold on. Try to let him go. And most importantly, cut all communication with him. Sure he's human, but there's no use in keeping in touch with him for now. Use your time wisely to move on.

 

By letting him contact you, via e-mail, he thinks that he will be able to push further and get you to see him eventually. And who knows what could go on from there, more likely the same repitition of what went on before. So try to cut the cycle, by cutting off all possible forms of contact.

 

Be strong, and learn to take this pain in stride. Take the healing process one day at a time. Keeping him around will only be convenient for him, not you. Good Luck and take care!

 

I love saying this, but enotalone has some great advice on moving on from a breakup. I think that the article is called, the "Grieving Process," which offers a "rational" explaination as to the emtions that you're going through (which sounds like the bargaining/acceptance stage). Yeah, so check it out. You'll develop a stronger perception about your situation, so that you can somewhat, take control of the situation for yourself.

 

Best of Luck!

[VickiRose]

Thank you Mahlina,

Your always, such a great help...

[mahlina]

Hey thanks! I actually love giving advice.

 

Plus, I have a pretty strong intuition for things. I could tell that you're a nice girl, so don't let this experience change you, because one thing's for sure: I can tell that you are a mature young lady, and will carry on strong, only to regain all of your strength, and retain new found wisdom. Your weaknesses do turn into your strengths.

 

What helps me to move on is to do things that keep me vibrant and happy

For example:

-Giving advice

-dancing: doing whatever it is to stay fit.

-OR- Going to the bookstore to research things like:

-Interior desigining

-Cooking

-Tibetan Bhudism & the Dalai Lama (you should check out his book, his simple phislosphy on pain is an excellent sources, which brings a sense of tranquility and wisdom to anyone's life),

-Horticulture (popular beautiful plants & flowers such as: orchids/tullips, & bamboo trees. Try planting one as a side hobby)

-Fashion/handbag design, art/design/scenic photography books

-Makeup techniques by Kevin Aucoin

-Hairstyle books

...you know, whatever catches your interest.

 

Since Spring Break is coming up, plan a trip

-Go sightseeing, drive along a scenic route, and/or go outlet shopping. (Plan on saving some $$$ for gas. It's hella expensive now!)

-Drag a close friend or a relative along.

-Visit the Fashion District at your local urban city. I'm planning on spending a day in the fashion/flower/garmet district in L.A. (That's where fashion, retail-stores like Forever 21/Charlotte Russe, buy their merchandises). I just like looking at the prices offered, so that I can compare the best bargains and equate it for certain products that are worth buying, and are, 'typically', overcharged from 'local' malls).

-Visit your local Fisherman's Market. If you live in CA, the best one is in Fairfax L.A., right next to Hollywood. They have a variety of international foods that you can try out, at different food stands. Or try PINK's hotdogs.

 

Try a makeover:

-Cut your hair, and/ or try a weave dye. (Research on hairstylists. My favorite are among the Gay hairstylists. They are the BEST! They are so gifted at what they do. Plus, they are incredibly FUN to talk to! )

-Visit MAC stores: their products are awsome and worth the money!

-Whatever it is, keep yourself healthy by retaining the confidence that you need. Getting a new haircut or make-over, pyschologically, keeps you from bumming around the house in sweats, pigging out, laying in bed, and moaping all of the time. But do moap when you need to).

 

In General

-Spend more time with close friends, and balance it with some 'alone' time.

-Enjoy the night life (but don't pick up any guys up at clubs, and avoid rebounds). Some of the best ones (if you live in CA) in L.A./O.C. are Myagi's, Sharks, or the I-Bar, (I think I-Bar is 18 and over, but not Myagi's, you have to be 21)

 

-OR- Last, but least

-Hehe: get extra cash by working extra hours at work, and try to have fun while you're at it!

Keep in mind: balance fun with your priorities (Ie- homework, professors slap a pile of work in front of you whenever you're on any kind of vacation! )

 

Yeah, so plan a trip, or do any or all of the above. I kinda got off tangent, but still think that the healthiest way to approach your situation is tokeep yourself busy, and find new interests. (Cut the ex off completely)

 

[it's important to keep that flame burning, rather than focusing on those who hurt you. Indulge in the things that keep you happy. It's important to find 'new' aspirations. You have too much of a vibrant, vivacious, and bright future ahead of you to keep someone who hinders you around.

 

If you have any other inquiries, feel free to PM me! (Gotta go, I spent too much time writing this.)

Hang in there girl! You will find Better!!!

[VickiRose]

Thank you, Mahlina on your second post...

[fantasia2004]

Wordsto live to live by and everyone who has to move on should follow suit.

[medtranusa]

Sounds like a commitment phobic. Do not have any contact with him and maybe you can be friends later. Read the book He's Scared, She's Scared, and you will get a better idea about what happened. In the mean time protect yourself because he will hurt you again.