I hope you'll like it

[Lain]

Here is a poem I've just written.

 

 

I don't mind if you hurt me

'Though it's not what I want

I know you can do nothing

You know it's not my fault

 

What's the point if I tell you

What I feel, how I feel

Take a look at my actions

Can't you see I'm for real?

 

I love reading your mind

And you don't like to share

I will make you trust me

Being always there

 

You are lonely, touchy

Worried and scared

I will take the first step

If you are prepared

 

This may be wrong

Do you bother to care?

The real world is not real

I beg you to dare

 

Break the borders, the rules

Let the prejudice flee

Never tell me again:

"Love's not my cup of tea!"

[neva_black_n_white]

i dont mean to sound evil on the last poem but i do reakon your getting better. its really good, and the way you put direct speech into your poems is really amazing, its like it fits and doesnt seem out of place.

since i like anyalsing things, im going to have a go at this one. i believe that within your poem, you have hown an interest in someone for along time, you know his feelings towards you but mabe they are denied, and when you speak about reading his mind but him not liking to share i think its like one of those sayings ''you never were good at lying''.

 

i thought it was really good, and the way you put things together was great. it seemed as if you were working on two levels of saying that what you felt was reality but what is interprited was fake, its like there was a battle for the love and others not accepting it.

 

well thats me done.

i really liked it.

kel

[Lain]

Hey, neva, you are brilliant at analyzing things.

 

Actually, I started writing poems about a few days ago. I had no idea i could compose poems earlier. It came very unexpectedly.

 

Yes, I put very direct speech in my poems. I can't write about who-knows-what, I need personal experiences. I want my poems to be sincere and maybe help other people who may have the same problem. I know I'm not alone and there are people who are going through the same out there.