Tomorrow will be 7 months to the day...

[opalinef]

that my relationship ended. Why exactly am I still thinking about it? By now I should be out living my life FREE of memories of him. It seems that my heart simply does not want to catch up with my head.

 

I have two dates with two different guys planned in the near future. They are both strangers to me and while I should be excited at the prospect of getting to know new people, I am feeling more like this is something I SHOULD do. In fact, that was my reaction when I agreed to go out. "Oh, I guess I'll have to do this eventually." I mean, why can't I just enjoy my life anymore? Everything has the taint of that past relationship. I am haunted and I want nothing more than for it to fade away!

 

I'm considering cancelling on these guys. Why? Because I'm stuck on someone who doesn't love me anymore. I don't even know if I still love him. I think maybe I just don't want to let go for some stupid reason. He's already involved, possibly moving in with a new woman he met 3 months ago! Why do I keep thinking any day now I'll hear from him when I haven't heard from him since the day he left me. How do I stop this destructive thinking??

 

7 months has never felt so confusing and so long.

[Equinox_84]

I had the same problem. Two years after the relationship had ended I still would think somehow he is going to change his mind, something will happen that will bring us back together again, consciously I didn't think these things but subconsciously I felt them. It was always there at the back of my mind.

 

I think one thing that helped me move on was realizing that he had, and I thought to myself... how low is my self respect, my self esteem to still be thinking about him when all this time he has had no difficulty moving on, I guess it was then that I realized what ever it was ... it was never love to begin with and my heart hardened.

 

I began to see other men but I would never take them seriously, usually making excuses as to why I didn't want to see them, this continued for a good year and was a good source of distraction until i met someone who I could not get rid of... every time I would try and end the relationship he wouldn't allow it, his conviction and faith that this relationship was "the one" made him the focus of my thoughts.

 

I have finally moved on, it has taken me almost 4 years and I am in a healthy loving relationship.

 

I don't have any "this is how you get over him quick" answers all I can say is it takes a lot of time and even now I still think about that person, but I can think of them with out feeling any pain, just with mild interest.

 

Once you are ready to move on and give someone else a chance, its only then that you will allow yourself to heal.

 

Your the only person who controls your thoughts, you can choose to focus on your past and deter further or give someone else a chance, someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[jengh]

There isn't a law that states you must get over someone in x-amount of time. People heal at different speeds. I just posted a thread yesterday about how it's been 5 months and I'm still a train-wreck about things, haha.

 

If you're not ready to date, don't. No one is forcing you. On the other hand, it may not be a bad idea to begin to explore your other prospects.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I can relate completely. Have you read any self help books? If I may recommend, "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" was a good one.

[brandnew1]

I am in the same exact boat. It's been over 5 months for me since he told me he didn't see us being together in the long run (we were together for 6 years...).

 

Sometimes I think about it and I literally can't breath. It kind of ebbs and flows but it's always there.

 

I know what you mean about the dates. I have been seeing someone for 3 months and he treats me like a queen but I just don't have the same feelings and I am trying so hard but all I can do is think of my ex.

 

It's so painful. I am with you.

[opalinef]

Thank you all for your empathy and for your commisserating. It does feel better to know that even after so much time has passed, it is ok to still feel shaky, unmoored.

 

But it is true. I do need to just make the decision to move on. He wasn't right for me. For many reasons, not the least of which was that he broke up with me without explanation after 14 months of being together everyday. He didn't respec t me.There was nothing wrong with me.

 

Thank you for kind words.