tulipsfav Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I was dating a great guy for 5months, everything was great. We had lots in common and we made each other laugh. At last i had found the man that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. W talked everyday, seen each other 1nite during the week and spent weekends together. Then 3weeks ago he dumped me, such a shock. Said that he was stressed out about his job not being secure. I am heartbroken and feel very very unhappy. When i did get talking to him he seemed to be in another world, i have been depressed so i kind of know the signs. He came accross to me to be downWhen i asked him was he depressed he said he didnt know what depression was. And yes he was feeling down. He doesnt want to see any1, talk about is, says it his problem and he will sort it out. When i asked him if we could sort this out he said not at the minute, he would be lying if he said no and lying if he said yes. Kept saying that it was nothing that i had done that he had stuff going on in his head that he needs to sort out. I am very confused. Is he Depressed? If so why is he pushing me away? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou Link to comment
Creative Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 My advice is to not make excuses for him for not liking you anymore. This seems to be where you're going. Perhaps you'll feel less pain and more hope to think such a way. Just pull yourself away when you figured it for yourself. Link to comment
ratfreak Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 My bf of 4 years just ended things on Saturday. He's what I always wanted in a man and I'm going nuts. He's been distant too and not just with me but with a few mutual friends too. He gave me some reasons why he hasn't been happy but I think, now that I look back, that maybe he's just found someone else. It sucks but if he doesn't want help, you can't make him get help. Has he told you at all what his "issues" were? Link to comment
KitKatt Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Creative could be correct. Also he could just not want to be with you anymore and doesnt have the heart to tell you. Let him sort things out in his head. If you keep adding things to it, it wont help the situation. Link to comment
BrunetteBarbie Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 It might be excuses or he might be telling the truth... Maybe hes realized youre not really who he wants, or hes got someone else... OR he is rly depressed, stressed w/e, so he does not want to be in contact with anyone. If that is the case, he will realize soon or later that it is a mistake to push ppl away when hes in need of help, that they will be gone when he wants these people be back ,he will realize he lost somebody good and will maybe want you back. Who knows.... Anyway in your position I would give him just space, and time, dont contact with him or put him in a pressure.. he will appriciate it! Just tell him its no problem and gimme a call if you want to talk about something, then, do not contact with him. And relaxe, dont give him a feeling you are desperete or you feel terrible. Link to comment
Annieluffs Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I think it's a possibility that he could be depressed, something like loosing a job can make someone feel helpless and unmotivated. I think giving him space is important, you said you spoke every day and he broke it off, make sure he knows you want to be there with him, but that you respect his space and his state of mind. If he is feeling low, if it's related to his work, tell him that those things don't matter to you, and you'd support him in a career change or whatever his plans are. Link to comment
tulipsfav Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Hi, no he hasnt told me what the issues are. Head wrecked with work were his words. Although he did say that he felt the same last year when he was out of work. When i get a gut feeling about something iam usually right. Do feel that pressure of work has got to him and being with me tho i never put pressure on him for anything. Very hard not to get in contact with him. Link to comment
tulipsfav Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Have told him that i am here for him whenever he needs to chat, tho a lot of men cant talk about their problems and i think he is def one of them. He did send a text to say that he misses not chatting. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 If he is stressed about work and if he is really depressed about it, no matter if you feel you are putting on additional stress on him or not, in this case you just have to take his word for it. Sometimes just the thought of having responsibility towards another person might freak someone out, if they feel they are not the person who they would like to be (such as when losing a job). It's a very common sign of depression that the affected person retracts from social interaction, no matter how strong the bond is with the person in question. In general I tend to take people at their word if they have not given me a specific reason to suspect that they are lying to me. Link to comment
tulipsfav Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Very hard to think of him not liking me anymore. He could always be upfront and honest or is that a thing of the past with some men? As he wasnt giving any other reasons. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 I am sure this current economic downturn has put a lot of stresses on relationships. Since you have only been dating for 5 months it is easier for him to retreat from you in order to deal with the job situation. If he has been unemployed before and is now facing job uncertainty that would be enough to make him retreat. Being fearful of losing your job and how bills will be paid can put a major damper on the dating life. Give him the space he needs and in the meantime look after yourself. Link to comment
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