I cant see the bad in people?

[JadedStar]

I'm not sure it should be about not being able to see the 'bad' in people as much as it is about knowing your boundaries if you are trying to 'reform' someone who is a criminal or known for getting into really bad or illegal/violent activities.

 

ONe of the best things one can learn if they enjoy advising and helping others is to early on realize their limitations and set some clear boundaries. If not you will end up like many others who wanted to do good who were used, dragged into things they wish they hadn't, or hurt. Many have very good intentions but we all have limitations and we need to understand them and not set off to be the savior to all of those who are in a quandry. We simply can't be there for everyone. Boundaries and knowing them are good. Sometimes feeding one a fistful of sugar isn't always in their best interest either as some people will latch onto that and feed off it and while that can make the ego stronger to the one doing the feeding, it can create co-dependency very easily.

 

Some people don't want help no matter how true your aim might be and you have to be insightful enough to distinguish these people from those you might be able to truly assist.

 

I have guided and assisted many many people in my life who were 'society throw aways' in the eyes of many...it was just always my nature. I did so willingly and with good intent, I also, however, know my limitations. There were some that I knew were not going to be receptive to my help and yes, I had to avoid them.

[top bloke]

For me its not about reforming people out here.I just enjoy the moment and they sense the good in me. Its a win win situation.They feel cared for despite their shady past and I appreciate the insight.

Penelope yes I have experienced people like that and we got along quite well. They are people like us.

[JadedStar]

For me its not about reforming people out here.I just enjoy the moment and they sense the good in me. Its a win win situation.They feel cared for despite their shady past and I appreciate the insight.

Penelope yes I have experienced people like that and we got along quite well. They are people like us.

 

 

IF it is just a matter of talking to them and providing a shoulder, I have done that many times. I am not the type of person who shies away from people from backgrounds different from my own. I am very diverse with the people I talk to. As a matter of fact people like that often migrate to me when i am in public as they can sense that I will talk to them regardless of who they are. I talk to them the same as i would anyone who was more like me. I dont do it for affirmation or validation, just because I enjoy people from all walks of life.

[top bloke]

thats like me jadedstar

[deaxtime2]

I am the same way anyone and everyone talks to me. Sometimes people will come and ask me why I was talking to that person, they will me some story of how that person wronged someone. As if they are trying to get me to turn on that person. But it does the opposite, it just makes me more curious. Why would that person do that? What happen, what was going on in that persons life at that time to make them react that way?

[JadedStar]

I am the same way anyone and everyone talks to me. Sometimes people will come and ask me why I was talking to that person, they will me some story of how that person wronged someone. As if they are trying to get to turn on that person. But it does the opposite, it just makes me more curious. Why would that person do that? What happen, what was going on in that persons life at that time to make them react that way?

 

That kind of behavior infuriates me and that is one thing I have been true to since my early childhood.....i never cared to go with the grain and always befriended the most unlikely of people. I never followed along with mainstream peer pressure...it's odd how many people STILL follow the crowd even when they are adults.

[top bloke]

That kind of behavior infuriates me and that is one thing I have been true to since my early childhood.....i never cared to go with the grain and always befriended the most unlikely of people. I never followed along with mainstream peer pressure...it's odd how many people STILL follow the crowd even when they are adults.

I have never cared about other peoples opinion either...I have been seen as a bit different but ill talk to anyone I please. Good on you jadedstar

[tiredofvampires]

I'm very much like you, TB. And have sometimes wondered if there was something "wrong" with me that I can't hate anyone, and could probably talk to anyone and feel some fellowship.

 

The thing though is, that it's one thing to be able to talk to someone who is a psychopath from a safe distance, it's another to have to suffer at their hands or see someone you care about who has suffered at their hands, in a lot of pain. That makes it harder, when it becomes very personal.

 

I believe that evil exists and some people do wish to do harm. But evil to me is a sickness, either a psychiatric illness or an illness of the heart/soul/spirit that developed because that person was a victim of evil, themself. So either way, that person deserves compassion or at very least, pity. It's very hard for me to feel that way about someone who's done something heinous that strikes close to home, but I believe everyone deserves humanity. Some people have lost their humanity through sickness in my opinion, but those of us who can see that should understand this is also part of the human condition and have a sense of humanity about that.

 

It's great that you can have this ability while also having clear boundaries, and protecting yourself. What you've described, and I often experience with people, is a strong empathy for them...ability to feel as they are feeling. But sometimes that causes me to not protect myself somehow...people find ways of taking me for granted or exploiting my nature, and I end up feeling I've been weak. Something has to...not harden...but get more clear for me...I feel vulnerable to others by expecting the best of them all the time.

[top bloke]

Alot of times i do not know their past.However I find out later. In any case I am also a martial artist in a few fighting arts since 1983.I think that maybe I have gotten to feel a sense of kinship with some of the toughest men on the planet and so have a strong sense of myself . Im not indstuctable but tough enough to take care of most hostile situations