Our first visit wasn't what I'd expected

[kit]

Hello,

 

I'm brand new here, but am happy to have found a resource to chat with others about LDRs, since I'm new to one.

 

I just returned from visiting my beau (we've been together a year but separated for school since Xmas), but my visit to see him just wasn't what I'd expected. I had anticipated it soooo much, and I had expected to just fall into his arms and have this wonderfully romantic week.

 

Instead, my tummy tied itself into a knot!! I was, well, nervous and scared. I'm the type of person to work myself into a tizzy, so then about a million thoughts and doubts starting running through my mind...Do I still love him? Am I leading him on? Can we make this work? etc....

 

After a few days I started to become more comfortable, and things were starting to feel normal, but not when it came to being intimate...I almost felt obligated to put out (not by my boyfriend, of course, who is a terrific guy, but by our circumstances and only having a short time together) and almost just terrified. We chatted about all of this, and he was wonderfully understanding.

 

I'm just wondering about other people's experiences the first time they visited their significant other. Is it possible I just put too much pressure on myself, or do I have a bigger problem to deal with? I guess only time will tell, I'm just looking for perspective.

 

Thanks for listening!

[lil_mamarains13]

I want to respond and try to help you out, but I am not sure that I can. LDR's can be tricky. I am in an LDR. The first time I went to see him I couldn't stop smiling and was so excited to be with him. I think you need to relax, stop worrying about the what if's, and live in the moment one step at a time. My bf and I went from living together to having a 2-1/2 hour drive from each other. We are doing okay, and of course I tend to do the what if scenario also, my situation is a little more complicated since we broke up once and got back together, but I have to remind myself to just go with the flow and live one day at a time. That is the only advice I can give you for now. Of course be open and honest with your bf. Hope I helped.

[Tinkerbell]

I've never been in a long distance relationship, so I'm not sure if my advice counts for much, but I'll certainly try to help.

 

I think that you should calm down and try to relax. Your anxiety probably ruined the first few days you had with him, which are so few and precious. It's to be expected that you'd be excited, but try not to get carried away and let your expectations become too high, because you may be disappointed.

 

As for putting it since you feel like you have to, I suggest you take into consideration how ridiculous that is. He sounds like a great guy and since he's willing to wait, you should only go as far as you feel comfortable going. Besides, you shouldn't have sex with someone because you feel that you have to, it should be because you want to express your love.

 

I know people who have tried long distance relationships before, and the major issue was mostly trust. "Is he with other girls, do you think he's flirting a lot, is he thinking of me?" etc.. Once you begin to think such things they'll invade your mind and pretty soon you'll be a paranoid wreck. So I agree with the person who posted above me. Live in the moment. Have fun! Don't be a worry wart and hopefully things will work out just fine.

 

Best of luck to you!