amyjb Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Being new here, I have no clue how to link my other post into this one, and I really don't feel like typing out all the hurtful details of my marriage right now. Added by mod To try and be quick and to the point, I have spent nearly half of my life with one person, been married to him for 14 years, have a family with him, he has an emotional affair, he tells me about it 6 months ago, I go through 2 1/2 months of pure hell trying to get him to realize what he is throwing away, then I go through 4 months of *thinking* he really truly loved me, that she was just a memory. Then it all goes to hell again when he says he still misses her, still has feelings for her and makes it real clear what a connection he had with her. But when I want him to make it clear about us, when I want him to tell me he loves me like a man should love his wife, I get "give it time". "Give it time"... what complete BS. I have given him lots of time, 15 years of my time to be exact. I have given him 6 freaking months of my time since he told me about his "Love" for this witch he has never met. How the hell long does me expect to wait? When is he going to stop hurting me? I feel so damn used. He knew what these past few months meant to me, to me it meant she was a memory, that he really loved me. But not so the case when he says "give it time". All of the kisses, all of the cuddling, all of the sex did not mean the same to him as it did to me or else he would not have said "give it time". I FEEL SO USED! "Give it time" is not good enough for me, not after 15 years of my life has been given to him. Am I wrong for feeling this is BS????? Or should I give him time? And what if I give him time and it never comes back? What a waste of my life!!!! And YES, I am ANGRY! Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 you have every right to be angry - and frustrated and hurt.. are you in counseling together - is HE in counseling? Link to comment
amyjb Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Oh how I wish I/we could go to counseling... but on top of our marriage issues, he lost his job, a week after him informing me of everything, and has not been able to find one yet. thereforee, no insurance. Link to comment
amyjb Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 I so need help with this. I have no clue what to do, don't know where to turn. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I edited your post to include the link. I hope it is the right one. Link to comment
amyjb Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Thank you so much. Link to comment
alli Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I don't really know what to say that would help your situation... just, I'm sorry you're going through this, and I would be angry, too. You do have a few good things going for you. For one, it sounds like he told you about this all on his own, rather than him getting caught in a lie. And it also sounds like he stopped communicating with her, which means that he values your marriage more than his emotional thing with this woman that he hasn't met. I'm sure he is aware that you are still hurting over this. Don't feel like you should have to hide your feelings. I mean, don't lose all control of your emotions because that won't help anything either... but he needs to know how deeply this has affected you. It's too bad you have no insurance and this all has occurred right with the economic downturn & high unemployment rates. Maybe you can look into if there is any sort of free counseling available in your area, like at a free clinic? Worth checking it out. Link to comment
huskiesfan Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 He says he wants to give it time to have feelings for you again. I see it as, "Give me time to get a connection back with this woman I truly have feelings for, while I use you, my wife, for sex and cuddling when I want it." That is not only wrong, it is cowardly. That woman was there and then, you are his wife are here and now. And you should convey that to him, that if he truly wants to make the marriage work, it isn't a question of "give it time", its a question of "how soon can we start". I'm sorry to hear your going through this, and I hope things will get better for you soon. Link to comment
amyjb Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Oh well some of the reason he stopped communicating with her was because he loved her enough that he didn't want her to be upset with herself for destroying a marriage. Link to comment
huskiesfan Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Oh well some of the reason he stopped communicating with her was because he loved her enough that he didn't want her to be upset with herself for destroying a marriage. That sounds like a load of malarkey, and actually dangerously sounds like a justification for seperating from you, so he can be with this woman and she won't have to worry about directly "destroying the marriage". Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Wow....Amy I would seriously give him an ultimatum. I would even say....you love her so much, go be with her" It's not fair that he is "biding his time" with you while thinking of her. What kind of existence is that??Sure..he's there in body but if his heart and soul isn;t what's the point?? Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Oh and..how do you know for sure he is not still communicating with her??? This just sounds really ODD and fishy.I would do some more investigating. Link to comment
wantstobhappy Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I mean wow. That is my instant reaction to this. Yes, that is definitely some BS. I don't understand how he can fall in love with someone he has never met...? And yet you have loved and been with him for 15 years....if he says give it time after 15 years it is most likely that whatever you had in the first place is lost and won't come back all I can say is I am truly sorry. And you should decided whether you think it is still waiting for or not...are you willing to just continue to sit there and wait and wait? Are you not ready to let go of what ya'll have had? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 What a horrible situation, and my heart goes out to you. I think that if he wants this marriage to work, he needs to all he can to show you that you can trust him, and that you're # 1 in his life. You need to know where you stand right now, not later, or "we'll wait and see", you're his WIFE, and you deserve to be treated as such. I can't tell you what to do, but I would weigh out my options, and ask myself if I could trust him again, and if he'll take this marriage seriously. Wishing you the best... Link to comment
amyjb Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 What confuses me is he says he loves me very much, he says that the last couple of months meant something to him, yet in another sentence, he says give it time. What does that mean? I am so confused. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.