leftover feelings?

[hairybda]

Hello,

Long story made short - X left me back in August. December, after a short stint with another guy, we began hanging out again. Everything was so wonderfull.. the no contact rule works wonders! I really thought everything was going to work itself out...

 

 

Anyways, about a3 weeks ago, things went south. I found out later she started seeing another guy. From seeing her almost every night, it turned into her never calling me back, and never hearing from her..

 

 

This if course completely devastated me.. it brought up all those old feelings.

 

We went to dinner the night before valentines day, and i put my cards on the table with her... she said I can do allot better, she can't give me what I want and I can't give her what she wants blah blah... the girls version of "I have met someone else.. I don't want to hurt you so I won't tell you whats actually happening"

 

A couple of days later I wrote her that I didn't want to come over like we had been doing.. cuddlying.. having dinner etc... she wrote me back what did I have a date or something.. I wrote her back no, but I heard you did .. blah blah blah... I don't understand why you do this, I got over your other "rebound" or whatever (She didn't know I new about him)... I thought we we were now going to get married after everything we have been through.

 

Anyways, she writes back saying sorry, she thought we were working on being friends.. and doesn't know what I'm talking about re other guys. We never had sex, but hugged each other, cuddled.. went out for dinner together.. careessed each other. I didn't think we were working on being friends? Friends don't do that?

 

I wrote her back saying your a great pretty fun girl, but being friends is never going to work.. and I that would marry her now as I really know how much I care for her.

 

Anyways, I havn't spoken to her since.. our paths have crossed a couple of times in the street.. she goes to the other side of the street.

 

There are all these feelings inside me.. I so want to call her, ask her how she's doing.. hang out.. cuddle with her... I so wonder if I did the right thing.. I was so respectfull and patient waiting ... and now this?

 

Worse of all, mondays my birthday.. I so want to hear from her, I hope she'll say something.. but probably won't.

 

I guess I need somewhere to write my feelings down!

[brandos lovechild]

The best advice i can give you would be to try looking at your situation from the point of view of an outsider.

 

Would you want some female doing this to a brother or father of yours ? Of course you wouldn't,because you would want what's best for them instead of this kind of emotional turmoil.

 

If the treatment you are receiving from this ex of yours wouldn't be good enough for someone you love...why should you eat it up like pac man ?

 

I know it sounds soppy and cheesy..but you obviously don't love yourself or value yourself very highly if you are putting up with such bad treatment.

 

I think perhaps you have convinced yourself that you are right for this woman and she is right for you...but you aren't facing reality. Women who love you and think you are the perfect guy for them DO NOT ACT LIKE THIS !!

 

She is keeping you hanging around until she finds a replacement.

 

BEST THING TO DO: Forget about her and don't feel sorry for yourself. Suck it up,get ANGRY if it helps. But realise that you and her are history.

 

P.S I'm guessing you are quite young by the way you dealt with this female. As you get older and more experienced,you will recognise good and bad signs in a relationship more easily. GOOD LUCK

[hairybda]

Thanks for writing.

 

I'm just turning 29.. I went out with this person for 4+ years, she became my best friend. Never before have I been such a looser!

 

If I saw one of my friends being treated as she has treated me, I'd say something.. its completely crazy. I need to get my head examined for putting up and talking to her..

 

I have NO idea why I still have these feelings. I wish I could press a kill switch and have them all removed from my head..

 

Perhaps I don't love myself.. or value myself very highly for putting up with this .. or perhaps its just fear of not ever finding someone thats caused me to hang on to everything.

[brandos lovechild]

I see. You are worried you won't find anyone that can produce the kind of gut churning emotions that this ex could.

 

I get that as well. I still lose feeling in my legs and my head goes dizzy whenever i pass my ex that i fell out with...despite the fact that she treated me terribly. All girls that have come since fail to raise any enthusiasm in me.

 

However,the reason we find it hard to let go of the ones that treat us badly is because when we are hurt alot...we confuse it with a romantic struggle. E.g " This feels worse than hell..it must be true love or i wouldn't feel like this."

 

If we are hurt..then it must be worth fighting for. Otherwise you wouldn't bother right?

 

There is also the sad fact that we sometimes tell ourselves that if this person finds it so easy to treat me like s-hit..they must be too good for me. More motivation to take the punishment !

 

Like i said before..perhaps you don't value yourself enough to cut this female off. You should do something to boost your self-esteem like going to a gym or something. Nothing would help you better than to casually walk past her as her mouth drops and her eyes widen because you have been working out for months. To look her in the eye and send the telepathic message " BIG MISTAKE!"...it would be an instant cure to your troubles. Trust me. Don't do it to win her back...you'd do it to prove that you are too good for her and hopefully so you can start finding someone better.

 

Hope this helped.

[Michael2]

"The best advice i can give you would be to try looking at your situation from the point of view of an outsider. "

AWesome advice brando!

 

I wish I could have followed that.

[hairybda]

As I wrote this earlier in the week, lots happened

 

X wrote me saying happy birthday, and she wanted to take me for lunch, which never happened .. she never wrote me.

 

At times, I want to go throttle her by the neck, and say, you know Nicole your really jerking me around.

 

But for the past days, some old friends have been visiting, and... its so nice to have them around.. they just like me for who I am.

 

I've been writing down, day to day, how I feel, its such an illusion, what we feel when we are rejected.

 

All of us, no matter what the circumstances, have people around...

 

Anyways, I have pizzza cooking in the oven (for real I wish!)

 

Sean