The "No Contact Rule" worked.....Sort of...

[JSHRN]

After a brief 4 month relationship with Allison she decided to "disappear". No phone calls. No sex. Nothing. We "got back together" in mid December, then she disappeared again. I had no contact with her for almost 6 weeks (I know, not long enough), but she called me. She was worried about "losing me." We started talking (casually) again, but my walls were up. She said she realized how much she hurt and that that was never her intention. She said that I was a "very important part of her life" but that she was trying to "find herself." ???? What the heck does that mean? If you want to be with someone -- fine. If not, that's fine too. But, you're trying to find yourself???? I don't get that!

 

If you've been following my story the past several months, you know that I was in love with this woman. When we talked on January 30th and she said she was "trying to find herself" I was blown away! I mean, why is our relationship that complicated anyway. She said I was "more than a friend" to her yet we have no relationship and no sex in 5 months! I'm no rocket scientist here but I don't know what "couple" she's looking at.

 

How does someone go from being "in love" with someone to "no contact" to "I don't want things to end up this way" yet doesn't want a relationship? She's calling everyday and I usually don't answer the phone or return her calls because she's playing "the game" again. She said she thought when we first started dating that she wanted a relationship. Then realized, after a recent breakup last summer, that she "wasn't ready"! Huh? I told her you don't just date someone, tell them you love them, want to be with them, etc, then "walk away." For anyone who knows the whole details of my story, I'm not "hanging on" to her. I have no desire to have a relationship with anyone. If someone comes along, fine. I'll casually date. But, I'm emotionally unavailable (again)!

 

She knows how I feel about her and this whole situation. But, she still doesn't get it. She thinks I should be okay while she "finds herself." I never said that I was going to go out and find someone else -- that's not me. I had hoped (and still hope) for another chance with her. I don't feel like "more than friends" with her and don't know where she came off with that comment!

 

Well, I'm rambling now because I feel my blood beginning to boil!!

 

Any thoughts?

 

JSHRN

[raggamuffin]

My thoughts are thank god you have realised she is playing a little game with you. If you dont want anything what-so-ever to do with her and telling her isnt getting through just compleatly ignore her. Block her phone number if its possible I think eventually she will get the idea.

 

I also dont understand the "finding yourself" idea, cant you find yourself when you are in a relationship? Because I know thats how i found myself. She clearly has no idea what she wants so I dont like her chances of finding herself any time in the near future.

 

I think just keeping as far away as possible from her is the best thing to do for you right now. Because she is going to continue playing these games with you simply because she can. Women are evil like that.