She'll go back to being hurt again, because she miss him so.

[AnDrewL]

On Valentines Day, a female friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. Yesterday would have been their three year anniversary.

 

The reason for the breakup was her fear of settling down. Her boyfriend was too controlling; and she felt that she didn't want to be "locked to him" for the rest of her life just yet.

 

So the situation now is this -

He loves her, and wants her back. She loves him, miss him, and is unsure what she wants. She left town for a few days, but all she does is thinking about him. She feels like "half of her" is missing; and is having a hard time living her life, when feeling so incomplete. She is considering taking him back, but they have been through this before once or twice, and it has ended up like this then as well.

 

What I am wondering -

What do I say to help her out?

I'm tired of the old "time will heal all wounds". I don't want her to take him back just because she feels incomplete NOW. She'll need to let time "complete her" again, but I don't think she has the strength to wait for time to help her out here .. What advice can I give her? What can I do?

[Beec]

I think the better person to give advice to would be him. If he wants her back and she wants to come back, then why not? Because she may not stay, right? So the thing to do is for him to know that and make her want to stay. Easier said than done, but I would advise him to figure that out and try to hold on very loosely while he does that. Check on all of my posts and I am sure posts where I talk about how to pull this off will be there from recent days, see the threads started by determined, kathyk, and a few others.

[bzborow1]

I think your friend just feels awkward because it's a life change for her. Three years is a lot of time to spend with someone, and you get used to the lifestyle of that person being around all the time. The previous poster is correct in one sense, if she does want him back why not? I would, however, urge her to cut contact with him for some time until she can clear her head (not making a decision based largely on loneliness).

[AnDrewL]

I would, however, urge her to cut contact with him for some time until she can clear her head (not making a decision based largely on loneliness).

 

Well - this is the problem, you see .. The loneliness is making it hard for her to get that time she needs to clear her head. They have cut contact, as well as I know, but they still have mutual friends they communicate through. At least she calls her friends to check up on him. And now all she does is worry about what he is up to. She's having problems letting him go ..

 

I don't think I'll need any more replies to this thread. Thanks to those who tried to help here, but I don't think there is much else to do for me, then just say what I have said here to her - and let her go through it on her own. I just wanna help ..

[woopsydaisy]

Hi...just read the other posts and i agree with them.Even though its frustrating for you to see her maybe get back with him you carnt do much about it.Relationships are complecated and their are two sides to every story.She must love him after all three years is a long time..but i agree she may be cotemplating getting back because of loneliness.. and this isnt right but what can you do?.Hey shes lucky that she has a caring friend like you around...just be a good listener to her and just suggest maybe she needs time apart to evaluate the situation which would be a good thing.