She's Grumpy and Won't Do Anything for Me

[salmons]

Hey,

 

Glad that I found this forum orelse I would be going crazy thinking what to do.

 

First off, my gf and I have been going out for about 2 years so far and have our own place. Lately, (like 3 months), she's been very lazy and she doesn't even know it.

 

1. She always yells - all the time, mostly I don't even think she knows she doing it.

2. She's grumpy - everything her way.

3. She won't do anything for me and makes a big deal out of it.

4. She always tells me to take the bus when she has a car and I pay for the insurance too.

5. She leaves her stuff around everywhere and I'm the one that has to clean it up.

6. Dishes are my responsibility no matter what according to her - because she either doesn't have the time to do them or she doesn't want to do them.

7. She yells at me whenever I buy something I want - example: pizza.. meanwhile she spends more on pop for herself than I spend on myself in a month.

8. Since I'm home - off work due to a head injury - she thinks I'm always free to do whatever she wants done.

 

Here's what I do:

1. I always clean after her

a. pickup stuff off the floor

b. sweep and tidy up

c. clean up her dishes that she just leaves around.

d. laundry

2. I always feed the cat and change the kitty litter because she doesn't have time.

3. I have to watch TV with her.

4. I have to give her pop when she wants it.

5. I have to go with her to any appointments she has with the doc.

6. I manage the money and the bills.

7. Cook for her - she always complains when she has to cook for me.

 

I am so fed up with this shit or am I just too lazy? or is she lazy?

 

I just feel like I'm her waiter.

 

Please post any suggestions.

[bleeder]

Hi Salmons,

 

It sounds like she has a very autocratic character. It must be hell for you. I was caught in a similar situation before, though she claims that she is always "open" for compromises. Now I know better...

 

Anyway, try talking to her and see if she is willing to make an effort. A woman that shirks away all forms of responsibility is really a turn off. If you want to give her a wake up call, stall all your work at home for a day or two. Do not sweep the floor, do not wash the dishes. Don't take out the garbage. Stay in a motel for a night or two.

 

I would like to see her face at the end of the day. Keep us posted!

[sean91607306444]

KICK THAT BITCH TO THE CURB

[cookies]

wow...that was interesting 4 me to read...and sadly it sounds to me as if she doesnt really love you. I hate seeing a woman in an abusive relationship with someone that treats her less than a "queen" or lovingly,...and the same goes for men as well. Thats terrible, and if this is how how she treats you and say she loves you,...my God! What more is there to expect if she says she hates you?

 

you seem like such a gentleman, and i sincerely would like to see someone as yourself in a more loving and "give and take" relationship where both parties put forth equal dedication and effort into the relationship to make it work. NOone should be taken for granted...

 

This is not what "LOVE" is about. its about caring which leaves u with a feeling that you want to comfort and give your ALL to your partner, and tenderly nourish them back to health when they are sick...this is love...

 

If you were my brother,...i would ask you to re-evaluate weather or not u can visualize seeing yourself living like this for the rest of your life? Can you? If you speak to her about how disturbing you find it..and if she has an "ounce" of care 4 u...her attitude should be..."aww baby...i didnt even realize how selfish or lazy ive become"...versus ..."What are u complaining about..if u dont like it, then leave or i will leave"...

 

to me..a positive response on her behalf versus a negative response will give you more insight on weather or not you can have a happy and successful future with her. If it looks as if its going to continue down this negative path...id say dont delay your happiness...the sooner you get out of this situation, the sooner you will be able to breathe, and live a stress-less lifestyle...

 

besides, you will only have to clean up after urself then...u seem to be a great guy, and some food for thought, that i try to always remember is..

"Never settle for less that you KNOW that you deserve"...

 

good luck & keep us informed on the outcome..k?

 

cookies

[sisterlynch]

Have you ever seen the show Dr Phil? He goes over these types of issues all the time. Has it only been this way for 3 monthes?

 

Basically you need to stand up for yourself. You report that she is doing most of the yelling, but who is she yelling at the plants, the cat? No silly she is yelling at you the object of her effections. Now either you and she have a strange sense of pillow talk or there is more going on than meets the eye.

 

Do you guys have children or is she working 2 jobs and also going to school? If it is just the two of you good, work in open communication. If she starts to get up set drop it for a better time. Learn to make your point quickly and then stick with it, don't let her bully you into behavior that you don't like to do.

 

Set up reasonable boundaries that both of you can live by, even go so far as to write up a list of chores that each of you can follow. If it seems that you are treating her like a child, well that is true...whenever you live with someone you'll pick up their good and bad habits. I believe that you'll find this is a workable situation. Be "nice" to one another. Sometimes that gets lost in the mix...

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

I am really sorry for what you are going through right now.

 

My suggestion is to start to think what YOU really need in a relationship and what you look for in a marriage. It would be a good idea to communicate your ideas with your woman. Tell her what your thoughts are, by varying sweet words and love with your words of concern.

 

I have to tell you this, though: the only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy. At some point you might have tried everything. If you reached that level, it might be easier and better to go your separate ways.

 

I hope this helped you ... good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Aura Seeker]

Hi there, sounds frustrating for sure. I am wondering a couple of things. You mentioned that this behavior is only "lately" If this is new patterns, she may be dealing with something you might not even be aware of.

 

Before kicking her to the curb, I think there are a couple of things to consider. One is that (and please don't take this personal) every sick relationship usually involves both people. You sound like the "caretaker" type, and maybe have to stay aware of ......how you teach her to treat you. I know that sounds strange, but we do that. We teach people how they can treat us. That's why some women end up in abusive relationships time after time. It is their pattern. Caretaking may be yours. If you enable her behavior, it won't get better.

 

The reason I bring this up, is that you may get rid of her, but end up in the same situation with the next partner. To me, it sounds like she has had some issues in life that she hasn't addressed. The way you says she yells, and that sort of thing. Anger.

 

I don't think you need to take a harsh route with her, but do need to address what is going on. If you take a mean approach, it sort of feeds what she is subconsciencely trying to accomplish.....hurting herself. Cause that is who she is really targeting here. You are the means for that, but not the target. (I think anyway, from the info you supplied)

 

Let her know it isn't acceptable anymore, and see if there are some resources to help her curb her anger. Don't enable her anymore, and make her clean up after herself. After that, what's a guy to do......kick her to the curb! ;-)

 

***Disclaimer. I am self admitted that the more I learn, the less I know! This is just my opinion.

 

AS

[jmo12791607306449]

that's totally true, we do teach other people how to treat us...i'm just starting to realize that. i've had two very long term relationships and it seems that both have ended almost the exact same way. it's time for me to start standing my ground and letting people know that i won't always forgive them. it's hard for me to do, but i guess you have to start somewhere. that's why i would say you should do, tell her how you feel, stand your ground. if she doesn't care enough to listen to you, then maybe she's not right for you.

[Aura Seeker]

That's awesome JMO, it is very hard to change who we are. My motto was always....fake it till you make it. The reason for that is we always want to stay in our comfort zone, even if it is really dysfunctional. They really don't like getting beat up, but if they grew up in that environment then that is what they know.

 

I think comfort zones are made for smashing!!! If you haven't felt uncomfortable lately, try something new. Taste something new, try a new religion (or just listen) talk to ethnic people if you have always been afraid, what ever.... ;-) I turned into a comfort zone busting junkie! lol

 

It takes you out of the space you're in now, and makes growth so much easier. So, stand your ground, even if it makes you uncomfortable! ;-)

 

AS

[bleeder]

I agree with Aura Seeker very much here.

 

People treat us the way they do because of how we project ourselves. I was trodden on, trampled on, taken for granted....all because I have always seem like "Mr Nice Guy" or SNAG as some people see it.

 

This, has to stop somewhere. Though it does not mean that I will transform into Megatron overnight. It's just that we've all got to make our stand clear. We can be nice, but not pushovers. I have learnt all of these the hard way.

 

Best of luck!

[sisterlynch]

Me too.

[salmons]

Hey!

 

Whoa... it's been 3 days since i posted and I alot of replies. This is very reliable.

 

I must say I love her to death - that's why I hardly get angry with her. Sometimes I think she does have issues that aren't addressed and she probably doesn't know what it is that is bothering her. I admit that sometimes I don't do what I'm told - but am I really the child of this relationship? As long as we don't live like pigs, then I think it's okay to not do the dishes for a night (though I think it would be appropriate to get them done ASAP). She came around the past few days with myself seeing it as stress. I had a friend over tonight and I she really thought differently about me. She was more affectionate. I think she wants attention and sometimes I'm too busy to give it to her. I'm at home, working on my business, and doing housework, then sleep. She works 2 jobs so we can have more money - sorry - no children yet.

 

I work really hard on the business hoping one day soon it'll replace my current income.

 

So... #1 - attention... #2 - doing stuff that has to be done...

 

she needs to learn how to relax... but she'll learn as I'm a very patient guy...

[trixiecracker]

Hey.

 

You didnt mention that I work 52 hours a week and also will be starting school on thursday. You make me out to be the bad guy when you wont even eat because you wont cook for yourself.

[Aura Seeker]

LOL, Hey Trixiecracker. I take it you are the other half! Sounds like you are both very busy people. My best friend in the whole world was my cleaning lady! ;-) Really, when you are both so busy, pitch in 25 bucks each (chump change) and get someone to clean for you. It's awesome. Takes a lot of pressure off.

 

It is very cool to come home and the house is clean, and the little fold on the toilet paper......I love it!!!! ;-)

 

AS

[bec88]

Plain and simple she is using you!!! I think you should turn the suiation around, because unless you stop being her"waiter" she is always going to be like this and if you really care for her you should learn to use the word no, even if it is your gf. Well hope this helps.