I'm flirting, he's smiling but I'm wondering if he's gay!

[Zgirl]

This guy where I work has been making 'eyes' at me for a while and so I've been flirting back. I was falling for him, naturally. Then, I was placed in his department about 3 months ago and he's now my 'boss' ... he's also 14 years younger than me! (the age difference is NOT an issue, or my problem - I just wanted you to know the facts- in fact we look the same age!) He's single, though dating, but from everything I can gather, he's not thrilled with his current g/f. I'm married, but it's more of a technicality than any sort of relationship - I haven't been intimate with my husband in years, no hugging, no kissing either, and that's been my choice. ANYWAY ... now that i work with this guy, I'll call him "M" I find that I'm really falling in love with him. I flirt outrageously, and we joke all day long, smile at each other, stare, talk, and work together perfectly. He'll trick me into reaching for things for him and smile at me when I've realized he's done it on purpose, to check out my butt! I catch him watching me sometimes too. When he stands next to me for whatever reason, it always seems too close, sometimes touching but I like it! He'll brush against me when he walks by, innocently of course- even if there is ample room to pass. He's always polite, kind, amusing, charming and just the thought of him makes me smile. His sense of humor is in sync with mine and that's a bonus! Sounds pretty good, right? Well . . . here's my question. Is he flirting with me and just hasn't worked up the courage to do more, or is there a real possiblity that he is gay? I know ... I know ... you're wondering what makes me think that?! OK, the thing is HE doesn't say anything flirty back, not with words ... he hasn't asked me out for a drink ... hasn't tried 'anything' - not even a kiss or touch (just those subtle things I mentioned). He never seems to check out girls ... never even talks about them the way my other guy friends do, he sometimes jokes using that "s" sound as a lisp when we talk about sterotypical 'gay stuff' ... and today was the kicker ... there was an article in the newspaper about the recent gay marriages in San Franciso thing, and I happened to mention it and he asked what I thought about 'all that'. Normally that wouldn't strike me as odd, but he rarely askes me a point blank question that requires my 'opinion'. I was honest, said that it didn't bother me at all - people have the right to live they way they choose- if they're happy, it's all that really matters. He said he felt the same way, and that it didn't bother him either. Most of the guys I know don't even care to discuss such topics - maybe they're homophobic - or just don't care to talk baout it. So ... I'm a little confused. I'm an attractive woman, smart, funny, sincere and kind - unusual and caring. I just don't get this guy ... whom I'm so attracted to ... I wish I knew for sure if he were gay. I'd still love him, he's amazing to me ... but at least I'd know why things havent' progressed. I can only hope this crap made sense to you - I tend to babble and get off topic ... so if you've gotten this far, thanks. Anything you can offer by way of advice would be appreciated! thanks, Zgirl

[greeneyes]

I can so relate to your dilemma, except for the gay part. I have a guy at work who flirts with me constantly. Sometimes he even acts like he's 15. I feel like we've been having foreplay for several months. He even does the same thing about bending over and is so obvious about the fact he is looking or trying to get me into wrestling matches. He even told me I have a nice butt. We both have expressed an interest in wanting something to happen but he is hesitant because we work together. We work in separate departments. It definitely clouds the issue that this guy is your boss.

 

I'd think about a couple of things:

 

Perhaps this guy isn't saying anything to you because he knows you are married. I know you said that was just a technicality, but maybe he respects marriage. Don't want to be too nosy but why don't you get out of your marriage if you have been unsatisfied for some time now? That would be my first step. ( I just got out of one)

 

Maybe he isn't talking about girls around you because he is interested in you. If he is feeling something he is probably confused too about what to do because of the fact that you are married.

 

If you think this guy could ever be a real possibility, can you transfer to another department? You don't want to put either of your jobs in jeopardy.

 

Why would he want to check out your butt if he didn't like women? It sounds like he enjoys it.